SNS98 Saturday Night Special - Interview with Widow Coach Laura Warfel
[00:00:00] Scott Maderer: [00:00:00] Welcome to tonight's Saturday night, special episode 98.
[00:00:05] Laura Warfel: [00:00:05] I'm Laura Warfel. I challenge you to invest in yourself, invest in others, develop your influence and impact the world by using your time, your talent and your treasures to live out your calling. Having the ability to realize there's always more that God calls us to is key.
[00:00:24] And one way to be inspired to do that is to listen to this inspired stewardship podcast. With my friend, Scott Maderer
[00:00:32]also, we're such a couple oriented society and being a widow. If somebody pointed out on my, in my group the other day, being a widow is not the same as being single because you lost a spouse that you didn't want to lose. Most of the time. That's what
[00:00:54] Scott Maderer: [00:00:54] it's like. Welcome. And thank you for joining us on the inspired stewardship podcast.
[00:01:00] [00:01:00] If you truly desire to become the person who God wants you to be, then you must learn to use your time, your talent and your treasures for your true calling and the inspired stewardship podcast. We'll learn to invest in yourself, invest in others and develop your influence so that you can impact. The work.
[00:01:21]And tonight Saturday night special. I talk with widow coach Laura warfile. I asked Laura to share how and why she feels called to work with widows. I also ask Laura to share some of the overlooked needs of widows and how she works with them to help guide them from grief to life. One area that a lot of folks need some help with is around the area of productivity.
[00:01:48] Getting not just more things done, but actually getting the right things done can be really tough. I've got a course called productivity for your passion. That's [00:02:00] designed to help you do this and then to hold you accountable and walk with you so that you can tailor productivity, not just to be getting more done, but actually getting the right things done.
[00:02:14] What's more, we take the approach of looking at your personality and how you actually look at things in the world and tailor the productivity system to your personality. Cause the truth is a lot of the systems that are out there are written really well for somebody with a particular personality type.
[00:02:32] But if you have a different approach to things, they just don't work, but there's tools and techniques and approaches that you can take that will work for anyone. And we help you do that and productivity for your passion. Check it out over@inspiredstewardship.com slash launch. Laura is really living out her calling to use the gifts and strengths that God has given her to help others become more than they think or imagined they can [00:03:00] be.
[00:03:00] Laura does this by connecting people with other people, with valuable resources and with the truth indirection found in God's word. She enthusiastically shares her expertise in writing, editing, marketing, public relations, all to help individuals and organizations improve their communications. In 2002, Laura lost her husband gene.
[00:03:22] When he passed away from a chronic illness after spending several years, not wanting to be a widow. Laura discovered God's dream for the next chapter of her life. When she met John Aycock and heard him speak back in 2013, as a result, she joined a group called dreamers and builders who have encouraged her to do more and find.
[00:03:42] Her more today's Laura's passion is to help 1, 2, 3 50 hundreds or thousands of widows to learn, to be more than widows. Her goal is to form an army of churches and resources to provide the help widows need to survive and thrive [00:04:00] along the way she encourages everyone. God sends her way to be more and to do more with his or her life.
[00:04:08] Welcome to the show, Laura.
[00:04:10] Laura Warfel: [00:04:10] Thanks God. I'm so excited to have this opportunity to share with your audience today. And I really appreciate the invitation.
[00:04:16] Scott Maderer: [00:04:16] Absolutely. I'm honored to have you here. And we just talked a little bit about some of your journey in the introduction, and we'll dig into it a little bit more, but I know from talking to you that one of the things, one of the groups you share and you have a heart for is around widows and their journey, and some of the challenges that they face.
[00:04:37] Would you talk a little bit more about your journey and how through that you found this calling to help widows. And I love the way you put it, help widows realize that there's still work, that God calls for them to do.
[00:04:50]Laura Warfel: [00:04:50] When I began 18 years ago, my husband and I had been married for about seven and a half years. We had been friends since [00:05:00] high school days. And I, neither one of us was expecting he had some health issues, but neither one of us was expecting that this was the end of his life. And he passed away on our front porch.
[00:05:12] When afternoon I was the most shocked person of all, both of us were so optimistic. We always held to that hope that he was going to get better. Things were going to get better. He was going to get over this next hurdle of things were going to be better. So I think that's one reason why I was so shocked.
[00:05:30] I was left with a house that we had just bought. We had just moved in about a year before I was working. Part-time we had spent all of our savings to make this move, so had very few financial resources and a lot of debt. So it was really a time when I could have easily said I can't do this. I give up.
[00:05:56] I've never been a person who says I can't do [00:06:00] something. I keep pushing, plugging away, seeking, finding, yeah, what's next? What do I need to do? So I spent, oh, about 10 years thinking, oh, the next husband's going to come along. And my life's going to be perfect once again, but he didn't. And I, after about 10 years, I said, okay, Lord.
[00:06:26] What is it that you need me to do? And that's when God revealed to me more than a widow. And I still have the journal from the start conference where I attended in response to an invitation from one of my favorite speakers and authors, John Aycock I, the first day of the conference, I went back to my room that night.
[00:06:49] Just the Lord. What in the world am I doing here? What is it? You want me to start at this point in my life? And he rebuilds it to me right. Then I still have the journal [00:07:00] where I wrote it all down the plan for more than a widow and what he showed me and what I am working to show other women is that. Just because you lose your life partner, your life is not over.
[00:07:14] You're still here for a reason. God still has worked for you to do. I know it's so challenging for women who have lose their life partner of 50 or 60 years. I know that is devastating, but there's still a reason for us to be here. And our job is to find out what that is.
[00:07:39] Scott Maderer: [00:07:39] So one of the things that it came to mind as you were talking about that is when I think yeah, in our culture and our community something.
[00:07:50] And I've seen this even in the Christian community, which is ironic because in the Bible it says, part of the Christian call is to take care of widows and orphans. And yet we [00:08:00] often overlook the needs of widows in. The community in the wider circle. How is it? How do you see this now that you've been working on this calling yourself and trying to serve some of these needs?
[00:08:14] Why do you think it is that we've come to overlook that, that those needs as a wider community and culture?
[00:08:23] Laura Warfel: [00:08:23] I will admit I was one of those people who ignored widows, including my own mother. She was a widow for 14 and a half years. I still regret all the times that I didn't reach out to her and I didn't offer her help.
[00:08:40] I think our culture. Has several reasons why we make it convenient to ignore widows. One is fear and a lot of people, especially women they're afraid, oh, that might be me someday. So I'm not going, I don't want to associate with her because I don't know. I don't want to know what that's going to be. [00:09:00] It may
[00:09:00] Scott Maderer: [00:09:00] be contagious.
[00:09:04] Laura Warfel: [00:09:04] I was guilty of that. I will admit I. Did not be friend widows very very easily in before I became a widow widows. And then a lot of times people think, oh, widows are so needy. If I help her, once I'll never get loose, I'm hooked forever. That's another common misconception, which is sad because widows, a lot of widows do need help.
[00:09:32] There are a lot of overwhelming situations that may not be overwhelming to you, but to me it might be astronomical to have to deal with something. I had a situation. My husband had been gone for probably three years or so. Had a plumbing problem in my bathroom. The. Plumber came out. He fixed the shower, he tore out the whole wall to do it, but it [00:10:00] was fixed.
[00:10:01] And then he left and as he was leaving, I said, wait, what about my wall? He goes, oh, that's not my job. So then I had to find somebody to fix my wall. I didn't know where to turn. I had a friend from high school. I thought he'll know somebody that, that can fix it. So I called him up and I said, Do you know anybody who could fix my bathroom wall and he paused for a minute.
[00:10:27] He said, I can do that. How about Thursday night? I said, great. So sometimes if you offer a specific offer, one specific way to care or widow asked you for one specific thing, that can be a really good match and a really good way to just help her out of whatever she's dealing with. There are a few other reasons why I think we overlook the needs of widows in our culture.
[00:10:54] And here I'm talking about the United States culture, which is of course very different from how [00:11:00] widows are treated and what widows experience in other cultures that here in the us, I think a lot of people assume that all widows receive financial assistance from the government. And they all have plenty of money to live on because their husbands have left them pensions and life insurance policies and retirement accounts and no deaths.
[00:11:20] The younger widow is the last for that is, is what I found in my experience. So it's good to be cognizant of the fact that a widow may not be independently wealthy, that she may be facing some financial struggles that she might need help with. Also, we're such a couple oriented society and being a widow, as somebody pointed out on my, in my group the other day, being a widow is not the same as being single because you, you lost a spouse that you didn't want to lose the most of the time.
[00:11:59][00:12:00] That's what it's like. So it's very difficult to fit back into. That this couple oriented society, when you're a single, a lot of people who were your friends before, who were couples, all of a sudden may not be your friends anymore because they're not comfortable being around you. And that's very difficult to, and that's just another layer of loss for a widow.
[00:12:27] A lot of people assume that the widow's family is taking care of her. Sometimes that's true. Again, sometimes that's not sometimes when a spouse dies, it creates a rift in the family and sometimes a widow is more lonely than you would ever imagine. Even if she has family around her also widows tend to isolate here.
[00:12:53] I'm making of course a broad generalization. But it's very much easier [00:13:00] to stay at home and sit on the couch and watch TV than it is to try and engage with the world as a widow. So many times we don't even know who the widows are around us because they don't identify themselves. And we don't know that they need help.
[00:13:18]Scott Maderer: [00:13:18] I think that's something too that I don't think we recognize. So you're talking about three years out from the event. And a lot of times I think people think, oh, it's an immediate need. This doesn't necessarily go away in three years or four years or five years or 15 years for one that you're still dealing with grief.
[00:13:34]Again, people talking about you'll get over it. It's no, you never really get over grief. The loss of a spouse, the loss of a child, it's not something that, that really goes away. You just begin to learn to you have more coping skills. You get more distance, but it's not gone.
[00:13:51] Would you talk a little bit about that experience and how, how that plays out? Because I think people don't think about it that way.
[00:13:59] Laura Warfel: [00:13:59] I think the [00:14:00] best way I could describe it is you build your life around that loss. So the loss is always there. You. Don't want to ignore it because it's a part of who you are.
[00:14:12] You also don't want that to be your identity. And I always had a fear of that. I didn't want that to be the first thing that somebody knew about me. Oh, this is Laura. She's a widow. I wanted people to still see me for who I am, but part of who I am is that loss. So I. I think a lot of people will say, oh, grief never goes away.
[00:14:31]Like you said, but that, that can also be a trap, but we can also start using that for an excuse. Oh, I'm S I'm still grieving the loss of my husband 18 years ago. So I can't do X, Y, Z. That's a trap. So it's a very interesting journey. It's different for everybody. I can't tell someone how to grieve that I can help someone through their grief process.
[00:14:54] Scott Maderer: [00:14:54] So as we think about your ministry more than a widow, would you share a little bit, [00:15:00] how do you actually act? We serve widows as they're moving through that journey themselves, like you just said, you can't really, you can't tell someone else how to grieve. You can't sell someone else how to do their journey.
[00:15:11] And yet obviously it's something that, you felt a calling to support as women go through that journey. Can you talk a little bit about what do you actually do in your ministry? What is it looking like today?
[00:15:21]Laura Warfel: [00:15:21] I, it took me about two years after God showed me what he wanted me to do to basically get up the courage to say, yes, I it was, I was dancing around it, but when I finally made the commitment, the first thing that happened, I started a blog and I.
[00:15:41] Put stuff out there that I never thought I would ever share with anybody, let alone shit on the internet. What I found was people were resonating to that. With that experiences that I was having were common experiences for other widows, maybe not the same. [00:16:00] The same dynamics or the same environment, but common experiences.
[00:16:06] So by being willing to be open about myself and what I was experiencing, I think that was a way to help widows. Number one, no, I'm not losing my mind. I'm not going crazy. This other, this is happening to other people too. And also too, I can go on with my life now. I have permission. To move through this and not get stuck in it.
[00:16:30] So those were two important things. I think that happened. Then I approached my pastor at my church and asked, could I start a Bible study for widows? And he said, that's great. Sure. And he's such a wonderful open enthusiastic leader that he was, he thought that was great. So the first thing to do was identify who the widows were in our church.
[00:16:55] We found out. We did not have a complete list of all the widows in our church. [00:17:00] No one knew who all the widows were. So we put that together. We invited with us to the Bible study. We Bible study ran for two sessions and then just, that was it. And I thought, okay, this is over now. I guess I'm done it. I don't know.
[00:17:17] It's an ex. I was praying about it and God, I felt very strongly God telling me to take it on Facebook. I really felt like that was the chicken way out, that I was hiding behind some fake profile and so nice little posts and photos that I wasn't really being the servant that he really wanted me to be, but I took the risk.
[00:17:39] I went to Facebook. That's been almost six years now. It's gone through several different. Logs and dynamics and branding, but it's still going. And what I'm finding is widows who want [00:18:00] encouragement and seek encouragement, also want to encourage others. So that's been really exciting to see how the.
[00:18:09] Dynamics of the group, how the women interact with each other online. And it's been really wonderful. I had early on, I had a few meetups that was really fun, and I've tried lots of different things that what really seems to help is when I, as transparent as I am willing to be women respond to that.
[00:18:34] Scott Maderer: [00:18:34] I think a lot of times the, we don't We don't think of vulnerability, which is sharing, things like that. It's scary. But the truth is also that vulnerability builds connection. You know that Bernay brown talks about that the act of being vulnerable often builds connection. And, because you're a leader within your tribe, you have to go first, which is really the scary part.
[00:18:58]Cause it's like, you can't say you be [00:19:00] vulnerable and all the way, it's like that doesn't work that way.
[00:19:02] Laura Warfel: [00:19:02] Vulnerable while
[00:19:02] Scott Maderer: [00:19:02] I watch. But the fact that you were brave enough to go. First I think is why, people resonated with that as well. Do you do you have some hopes and dreams for the ministry you're going next?
[00:19:13] Where what do you think, how do you think it's going to evolve over the next year? If,
[00:19:18] Laura Warfel: [00:19:18] as this year started, we were having a lot of problems with I'll call them intruders on the page, right? I was shocked at first, then I was confused that I had to realize, I have to figure out what to do about this, because this is not appropriate.
[00:19:38] It's not good for the women who are trusting me with their comments and being involved here. So I moved to a Facebook group called more than a widow. Invited widows from the page to join that group. So we're gradually building that. And what I've seen there is the level of [00:20:00] sharing has just gone to a new depth that has been thrilling.
[00:20:06] We had a post the other day, a woman shared a lengthy post. She said, my husband, I'm not how'd she say? She said, I'm not sure if I can stand to be here. My husband just died two days ago and the outpouring of sympathy and encouragement from the other widows, I just stepped back and it was just amazing to see that.
[00:20:34] So I know that God is still at work, even if. The page looks different. The grateful exterior things look different. God's still at work. I still continue to post on my blog. I started doing some podcast interviews, just any way I can to get that message out there. That two widows that your life is not over.
[00:20:56]Scott Maderer: [00:20:56] What are the questions I like to ask? All my guests is [00:21:00] about the word stewardship. I obviously that's my brand, that's my identity. And it's words, it's a word that I think is overlooked and yet important. So I'd like to ask you what is stewardship to you and what is its impact been on you and your life?
[00:21:18]Laura Warfel: [00:21:18] For me, chip is about using the gifts and talents and skills and strengths and resources that God has blessed me with to build his kingdom and to help others. I've never been a person who says I'm bored or there's nothing left for me to do, or I give up when I can't figure it out. I know God is waiting right there and he's going to guide me on the right path.
[00:21:45] I just have to pay attention and trust him and be faithful. And he takes care of everything else. Another part of stewardship, I know is the financial stewardship and I will admit that has [00:22:00] never been one of my strong points. That's something I've always struggled with. So I constantly have to give that to God and ask him to help me with that.
[00:22:10] And every day I am so thankful when I see how he took this woman from the bottom of the pit and has sent me on such a wonderful path he provides for my needs every single day. And I'm so blessed.
[00:22:27]Scott Maderer: [00:22:27] So now for one of the easy questions because it's not, if I could pick you up today and magically transport you a hundred to 150 years into the future, and you were able to look back on your life, what impact do you hope you've had on the world?
[00:22:44] Laura Warfel: [00:22:44] I hope at least one widow will say because of more than a widow, I didn't give up.
[00:22:53] I have at least one person younger than me will say, I learned that from [00:23:00] Laura.
[00:23:00]Scott Maderer: [00:23:00] So what's coming next for you. As you continue on this journey to live out your call and make an impact on the world,
[00:23:07] Laura Warfel: [00:23:07] I'm going to continue with more than a widow, wherever that takes me. And I'll admit some days I've thought what is even.
[00:23:16] The purpose of this. I don't know where else to go with this. Am I spinning my wheels? And then God gives me one more affirmation. You're doing the right thing. This is what you're supposed to be doing. I want to help at least one more widow, find her more and live for more. And I want to write one more book.
[00:23:42] Scott Maderer: [00:23:42] So you have, what's your other book?
[00:23:44] Laura Warfel: [00:23:44] I have five eBooks that are available on my website at Laura warfield.com/resources. And those are downloadable.
[00:23:54] Scott Maderer: [00:23:54] Awesome. Thanks so much Laura for coming on. [00:24:00] You can follow Laura on her website, as she just said@laurawarfield.com. That's Laura w a R F E l.com. You can follow Laura on Twitter is L w Wurfel or find her over on LinkedIn as Laura.
[00:24:15] Wonderful. Of course I'll have links to all of this over in the show notes as well. Laura, is there anything else that you'd like to share with the listener?
[00:24:24] Laura Warfel: [00:24:24] I have two things. If you are a widow, have the courage to reach out to other people for relationship and help, you will be blessed and they will be blessed.
[00:24:37] And remember that they will be blessed by being able to help you. And if a widow have occur, have the courage to reach out to her, even if she doesn't respond, because sometimes that's going to happen. Keep reaching out and keep letting her know you care. Those two things are so important.
[00:24:57] Scott Maderer: [00:24:57] Absolutely. And again, I'd like [00:25:00] to encourage folks to check out Laura's ministry. If a widow that needs some support, point them over to the page as well so that they can find that support with Laura and her community. And thank you so much for being here today.
[00:25:14] Laura Warfel: [00:25:14] Thank you, Scott. It's been wonderful.
[00:25:16]Scott Maderer: [00:25:16] thanks so much for listening to the inspired stewardship podcast as a subscriber and listener, we challenge you to not just sit back and passively listen, but act on what you've heard and find a way to live your calling. If you enjoyed this episode. Please do us a favor. Go over to inspired stewardship.com/itunes rate.
[00:25:43] All one word iTunes rate. It'll take you through how to leave a rating and review and how to make sure you're subscribed to the podcast so that you can get every episode as it comes out in your feed until next [00:26:00] time, invest your time. Your talent and your treasures develop your influence and impact the world. .

SNS97 Saturday Night Special - Interview with health Coach Bas Lebesque
[00:00:00] Scott Maderer: [00:00:00] Welcome to tonight's Saturday night, special episode 97.
[00:00:04] Bas Lebesque: [00:00:04] I'm Bas Lebesque. And I challenge you to invest in yourself, invest in others, develop your influence and impact the world by using your time, your talent and your treasures to live out your calling, having the ability to overcome your limiting beliefs is key.
[00:00:24] And one way to inspire to do that is to listen to this. The inspired stewardship podcast with Scott Maderer.
[00:00:32]you woke up in the morning and then you would say, oh, my night was horrible. Only 5, 9, 5 hours tomorrow. This coming night will be the same and more. I feel exhausted again. And it, it's what you say. It becomes a self fulfilling prophecy. If you just start to change it It is possible.
[00:00:54] Scott Maderer: [00:00:54] Welcome. And thank you for joining us on the inspired stewardship podcast. If you truly [00:01:00] desire to become the person who God wants you to be, then you must learn to use your time, your talent and your treasures for your true calling in the inspired stewardship podcast. We'll learn to invest in yourself, invest in others and develop your influence so that you.
[00:01:17] Can impact the work.
[00:01:19]And tonight's Saturday night special with boss LeBas gay. I asked boss about his journey from a good career to actually following his calling. I espouse how to he had to over his own limiting beliefs so that he could then work with others to overcome theirs. And I asked boss to share some of his top tips.
[00:01:39] On overcoming your struggles with your own mindset. Now, one area that a lot of folks need some help with is around the area of productivity. Getting not just more things done, but actually getting the right things done can be really tough. I've got a [00:02:00] course called productivity for your passion.
[00:02:02] That's designed to help you do this and then to hold you accountable and walk with you so that you can tailor productivity, not just to be getting more done, but actually getting the right things done. What's more, we take the approach of looking at your personality and how you actually look at things in the world and tailor the productivity system to your personality.
[00:02:28] Cause the truth is a lot of the systems that are out there are written really well for somebody with a particular personality type. But if you have a different approach to things, they just don't work, but there's tools and techniques and approaches that you can take that will work for anyone. And we help you do that and productivity for your passion.
[00:02:48] Check it out over@inspiredstewardship.com slash launch. Boss started his career in hotel management, working a hundred hours a week and smoking two packs a [00:03:00] day. He pivoted at least the first time and switched to working in banking and financial markets. After 12 years, he left this as his full-time job after taking a one-year sabbatical, but then he returned as a consultant.
[00:03:14] But in 2011, he started a health journey and eventually began to realize that it was a mental journey, as well as a physical one. He is now a health and lifestyle coach who helps others transform their life, mind, and body so that they can achieve true health. Welcome to the show boss.
[00:03:34] Bas Lebesque: [00:03:34] Thank you, Scott.
[00:03:35]Great to be here.
[00:03:37] Scott Maderer: [00:03:37] So we just talked a little bit in the intro about your journey and your career and how you've made several big changes in your life. And I think a lot of folks struggle to recognize the way that quote a good career like the hotel management career, the financial advising and financial work career, how those can become golden [00:04:00] handcuffs for people.
[00:04:01] Can you talk a little bit about your journey and what caused you to actually wake up for the need to make a change?
[00:04:07]Bas Lebesque: [00:04:07] I start, I started in my first job in a hotel in Shanghai and I started, I had to work a hundred hours a week, which was insane of course. But when that happened or when that was happening, it never occurred to me that I could.
[00:04:23] Stop or quit or get out, or he was like, I was brought up or raised with, is it you signed a CRA contract? You, if you follow it through. But even in the contract set, that I could leave at any time I want it to, but there was such a strong belief that you finish your contract.
[00:04:39] And my contract was going to be one year. So I did, I worked a hundred hours a week and. Then I came back to the Netherlands and I started to work in a hotel over here, but I was a night manager and I was only doing nights. So now it's working in hotel management for two years and I hadn't seen the light of day and I [00:05:00] was like, something needs to change.
[00:05:02]This is no life, I'm not, I don't want to, I don't want to sacrifice. Yeah. My life for this career, it wasn't that fulfilling. So I really meant I've made a conscious choice back down to leave hospitality. They, of course there's people that, that went into hospitality that didn't go as crazy as I did.
[00:05:23] But yeah, that for me was just a moment where I said, no, this isn't enough. Then I got into finance and I became a financial trader quite successfully actually the, I had the bonuses, I had the validation and I had it all. But still I felt something was who was missing. I wasn't just, I wasn't really as happy as I thought I could be.
[00:05:48]But dare. I dare. I was really struggling because now I was his, I had all this success and, I thought people looked up to me and and I also thought, if I'm going to give this up and I'm, what am I what [00:06:00] am I going to get? I was have all the success. If I give that up, I'll be living on the street.
[00:06:04] That's basically what I was telling myself, which doesn't make sense at all, but that's how I went. So that decision took a lot longer to let go of and to yeah. So I think I started thinking about quitting trading two years before I actually did. And one day I just said enough is enough and I resigned.
[00:06:26] And that was the beginning of a new life.
[00:06:30] Scott Maderer: [00:06:30] So let's dive into, it's interesting. Cause the first one where it was very obvious to you that it wasn't a great job, it was an easy decision. And the second one where you had at least what was outside of you. Tangible measures of success, good pay bonuses, living the high life.
[00:06:50] It took you a little longer to actually execute on the decision, even when you started feeling like something's not right. How did you talk a little bit about that [00:07:00] mindset shift? What actually began to make you move more in the direction of resigning?
[00:07:08] Bas Lebesque: [00:07:08] It was really about when I started to think about what was good, what my future was going to look like.
[00:07:15] Whether I, the, at a certain moment, the thought that I had to be in that dealing room for another 20, 30 years and trading just, Freaked me out somehow. I was like, ah, I can't do this. I don't want to do this. There's more we were it really goes back to, to, I think to my early life, when my mother passed away when I was 12 because of cancer and that really started.
[00:07:43] For me questioning what is, first of all, why is this happening? Did I do something to deserve this? This should happen to other people, but but also it's what is a good life? What is what is the meaning of life? How are you gonna, how are you gonna. My mother was [00:08:00] 38 when she died, and I didn't want to, she didn't, I don't think she regretted anything, but I don't want to come to the end of my life, whenever that is going to be.
[00:08:09] And look back and say, I've been in this career for 30 years and I should have left after five years, you knew you had to change something or you knew you desired something else. And that's. Yeah, that's really what started to shift my my, my focus, my attention, and that also helped me to work through my through my fears because I knew that on the other side of that fear was some freedom Wow.
[00:08:38] I don't know if, I didn't know at the time, of course, if there was going to be more happiness, but I assumed there would be at least, I could always go back if I wanted to. And then, I can say I tried , this is still what I like best, so I can go back or this works for works best for me.
[00:08:55] And yeah.
[00:08:58] Scott Maderer: [00:08:58] So as you move through these [00:09:00] different careers and now into coaching, what were some of the limiting beliefs that you uncovered and that you had to overcome through that journey?
[00:09:10]Bas Lebesque: [00:09:10] First of all, coming from this career and then moving into self-development, it's two separate worlds, and how do you bridge that gap? And then with there were days and. Weeks, maybe even months where I was thinking I will never get a client, my my story is not that interesting. Why would people want to listen to me? And
[00:09:33] and I also believe that I didn't, I did, I couldn't make a living out of it. Th the trading money or the financial trading money was. Seemed a lot easier than making coaching money. And I'm not making, I'm definitely not making the same amount of money, but that's fine.
[00:09:49]I don't I'm in a much happier place work. Does it feel like work anymore? And that's, yeah, that's great. And I worked through some personal Limiting self [00:10:00] beliefs as well. The relationship with my father, for example, was it very I had some very limiting beliefs around dad.
[00:10:06]And I think, if you want to talk about these kinds of things, which are clients, and if you don't, if you don't work on yourself or you don't clean up your yeah. The mess you created or the things that are, you're struggling with, it's. It becomes very difficult to have a convincing story to your clients.
[00:10:23] And I think they, they sense that in a certain way as well. That was that was a tough one for me. Very happy I did that. The relationship with my father is so much better now, and that's all he, I don't know, maybe he did some work as well and his limiting beliefs, but I don't think he did, I did all the work and I'm not saying that, I shouldn't be rewarded for that or RA in any way, I'm happy, very happy I did the work.
[00:10:48]But it seemed like the problem we used to have in the past has gone .
[00:10:55] Scott Maderer: [00:10:55] And that the problem that you used to have in the past, did that come out of the early loss of your mother and kind of [00:11:00] that strain from back then? Or was it from something that happened in adulthood if you don't mind sharing?
[00:11:05] Bas Lebesque: [00:11:05] No. No, I don't mind sharing. There was a of course when my mother passed away the dynamics in in, in my family, my father my sister and I. Changed. At the same time I was dealing with my sexuality, which was also very complex for me. The two could have not come into work at a worse time together, but I.
[00:11:25]What now the coping mechanism I created was that I, I've, I found it difficult to deal with life, to accept myself, to be proud of myself. And I basically projected that all onto him. It's he's not proud of me. He does accept me. And not only for my sexuality, but in, in a much broader sense.
[00:11:47] And which was like, It was easier to blame him than to, to fix myself or to look at myself as okay, love yourself, be proud of yourself. So I kept that going for, I think, 30 years [00:12:00] or something and yeah, it wasn't working anymore, and that's such high expectations of him.
[00:12:05]It was not honest to him. It was a real And I'm so happy. I let that go. And that, it was, that was hard work. It's not that you just switch your mind and one day you say, okay, I need to let that go. It's gone. It's not like you put the trash out and then it's fixed.
[00:12:20] No, you need to, it was hard work and it felt almost a like a mourning process. And that, yeah, that took me. It took me six months.
[00:12:30] Scott Maderer: [00:12:30] Yeah, it's interesting how even holding onto something that, intellectually is not necessarily a good thing. It's still loss. And so it can still feel like.
[00:12:39] Grief and it's still a loss, so you're mentally, you still go through a feeling of grief and mourning and all of those stages that we go through, even though it may be something that we wanted to let go of it.
[00:12:52] Bas Lebesque: [00:12:52] No, the great thing about it's at the end. At the end you get a present.
[00:12:56]I get my father back. You get a relationship with him, like in a normal [00:13:00] grieving process, that president is not there, or at least to relate. Yeah, you have good memories maybe of the person, but it's not yeah. So no, I really happy about that.
[00:13:11] Scott Maderer: [00:13:11] So if someone's hearing this and hearing you share your struggle around these areas of, mindset, belief all of these things, what are some of the tips that you could share with us that would help someone else begin to work on improving in those areas?
[00:13:28]Bas Lebesque: [00:13:28] First of all, you have to identify that these are your, these are beliefs that are. Really limiting you. It's if I let's say take the example of my father, by telling, by believing that he doesn't love me, I'm not, if it, if you make that true, that's the only thing you will see.
[00:13:48]But if you start to question that and if you wanted to, one of the best tips I ever got is turn these beliefs around, in, in it's work of Byron [00:14:00] Katie. And it's about, you turn it around to the other, you turn it around to yourself where you would say, my limiting belief would me would be, he doesn't love me.
[00:14:08] And if you turn it around and he does love me. And now look for now, look for examples where he does, or you turn it to towards yourself. I don't love myself. And get examples for that. And that doesn't have to be in relationship with my with my father. I don't love myself.
[00:14:25] I'm drinking too much, for example, or that there's other things I'm judging myself too harshly, all these kinds of things and it's, it takes, it, it takes the dynamic of the belief oh way. And Space opens up for new perspectives. When did you concede that you can love yourself more and that, you have examples where he where he loves you, kinda like simple things, he never calls me.
[00:14:49]Wow. Do I ever call him? No, I don't. And then it's becomes a, it becomes a whole different thing, so why don't you want to change this? So why you don't take the first step, call [00:15:00] him and see what happens and be, and try to be unattached about it.
[00:15:06]He might say something I haven't heard from you in such a long time on automatic responses. You never call me either. It's but that's not what it's about. It's about having that connection in that moment. And that's yeah, that's just, allow yourself to sit with tea, these limiting beliefs Yeah be creative around them.
[00:15:29]Try can see if you can either empathize or innovate or activate something and see what it's going to happen. The moment you start to demote moment, you start to show up differently. You will get a different effect and that's That's really what surprised me is that when I started to show up differently, it somehow didn't seem to exist anymore.
[00:15:53] And now it's okay, why didn't I do this like 25 years before?
[00:15:58]Scott Maderer: [00:15:58] And again, it's [00:16:00] because it becomes self-reinforcing you have a belief that creates a reality. That creates a belief in someone else that creates a reality. And then that reality becomes self-reinforcing. So if you change your reality, it has, it has to impact the reality of others.
[00:16:18] Yeah, by definition. Right?
[00:16:20]Bas Lebesque: [00:16:20] I w I was a very simple example. I was working with a woman, the other like a couple of weeks ago, and we were talking about sleep and she was like, I slept five hours a night. All of my life. I'm 45 years old. I will never change it. Yeah. I was like What have you let's start if you let's start with seeing, if you could believe that it's possible that you can sleep six hours a night and she's oh, is that possible?
[00:16:46] I was, possible within a week she was sleeping six hours a night. Let's just say, yeah, you were like, You woke up in the morning and then you would say, oh, my night was horrible. Only 5, 9, 5 hours [00:17:00] tomorrow. This coming night will be the same. And tomorrow I feel exhausted again. And it's, it's what you say becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy where if you just start to change it It is possible.
[00:17:14] And of course there were a week. We tweaked a little bit of other things as well. But it became possible. And then what I've, what I did find was really funny. So a week later she came back and he's oh yeah, I slept seven. I slept six nights, six hours her last week. It's a great, so can you not sleep seven hours a night?
[00:17:34] This is no. That's predictive. Yeah. Tell me why a person needs to sleep seven hours? I don't, I'm not saying that, if you can change, what you believed all your life in a week, why couldn't you not change what you believed in the last week?
[00:17:49]That's just yeah, it's fun me as this, is the same. I work a lot with a lot of people executives as well. And they, a lot of them are overweight and they don't believe that [00:18:00] they can. Lose weight, the moment they start believing it, it starts happening. They changed their, the why they changed their life.
[00:18:10]They bring more balance into their lives. And then, by bringing more balance into your life, you bring more balance into your body. Weight loss is a gift.
[00:18:18]Scott Maderer: [00:18:18] And what's interesting is there are certain. What I call Keystone habits and health is one of them.
[00:18:24] Finances. One of them, these are these areas where. If we begin to change our beliefs in that area, there's usually spillover effects too. Where if you change your mindset around losing weight, all of a sudden, other parts of your life start improving that aren't direct at first glance. You're like, why is that connected to this?
[00:18:40]Or you start working on getting your money in order and all of a sudden you lose weight and you're like, wait a minute. What, how did that connect? Yeah,
[00:18:48] Bas Lebesque: [00:18:48] absolutely. And I've worked even worked with with with a woman. She was an executive, she had five children, she was working 70 hours a week.
[00:18:58] She wasn't sleeping or [00:19:00] children, weren't sleeping, and in one session she comes to me and she's what's been spent, I think it's a coincidence, but I slapped her. Three nights straight. My children weren't coming to wake me up. And I was like, no, it's not a coincidence. You sleep, you come into your family with a different energy.
[00:19:19]You've been doing that for the last three months. And of course your children pick that up. And I don't say, if you sleep well that your children are gonna automatically sleep well. But if you change your energy, your children will change your energy. And they'll, they're, they're theirs.
[00:19:34] Super sensitive to these kinds of things. Oh yeah.
[00:19:38] Scott Maderer: [00:19:38] Yeah. In many ways more sensitive than adults because that's. They're so dependent on you that they have to pick up on those sorts of things. It's a survival skill. So let's switch gears a little bit, and I've got a couple of questions for you that I like to ask everybody.
[00:19:55]The joke going around is these are the easy questions. Cause they're not the easy questions, right? [00:20:00] If I could invent a time machine and I could pick you up and I could pull you into the far future, maybe a hundred to 150 years, and you could look back on your life, what's the impact that you hope you've had on the world?
[00:20:13]Bas Lebesque: [00:20:13] I, what would really looking back then? What would really make me happy is if. People will talk about me in a way that, that in the moment they met me or the moment they've worked together with me, something changed that can be made. It doesn't have to be like enormous or gigantic, but it's something that they'll always remember was like, when I worked with him, then.
[00:20:45] Things started to become clear. Things started to become better, became easier or more fun, or yeah I just got it. I just got a testimonial from a woman and she's she was a diabetic, a [00:21:00] type two patient. And she said I think boss potentially saved my life. And that's. No bonus.
[00:21:10] Can I can outperform that. That's what I mean. I hope I'll have a long list of these these testimonials. That's a yeah, that's what we do.
[00:21:21]I also would like to look back and
[00:21:25]well, not half. Re like serious regrets, like staying in a profession too long, or being in the wrong relationship for too long, or like really where I would have really have heard of people. I don't I don't have an a, I have made amends with the people that I did, but that was never, that was something Too serious, I would say.
[00:21:53]Yeah, and the bigger, the the bigger the crowd, the better, but it doesn't have to be, I'm not. Some people say, I want to [00:22:00] impact a billion people. That's that doesn't detail up.
[00:22:03]Scott Maderer: [00:22:03] So what's coming next for you. As you continue on this journey to living out your call and making that change on the people that you touch.
[00:22:12] Bas Lebesque: [00:22:12] So next is hi. Would
[00:22:15]I want to. Work a live location independently. So I really want to start this is basically an idea that just. Right before. Not right before, but let's say six months before COVID started to appear in my life. And then COVID happened, of course. And I've already lived on so many in so many places, but I would really love to spend more time in different places.
[00:22:40] The only continent I haven't left on yet is Africa. And I wanna, I want to spend some time there as well. And I want to work with people. Around the world. And I also really want to give back to, there I'm like still triggering and figuring it out. I want to make this accessible to two [00:23:00] Peter youngsters or people that are.
[00:23:05] Not fortunate. Let's say not fortunate enough to pay my feet. So I want to, on one side I work with executives, but I also want to be able to work with people that, really needed and wanted to afford it.
[00:23:20] Scott Maderer: [00:23:20] Okay. Awesome. So you can find out more about boss Lubbock on his website and that's his name.com.
[00:23:31] He's also active on LinkedIn. Under boss Lubeck. I'll have links to all of this over in the show notes as well. Us, is there anything else that you'd like to share with the listener?
[00:23:42] Bas Lebesque: [00:23:42] I do host every other three weeks workshop around. Oh, weight loss and getting balanced into your life and that which will then create balance into your body.
[00:23:52]It's a lot of fun. It's it's an hour and a half. It's totally complimentary. And yeah, everybody's welcome to join. Hi, [00:24:00] it's usually on while it's fun. Mounds on being 10. So follow me there and then you you'll see it or send me a message and I'll put you on the list for the next one.
[00:24:10] Scott Maderer: [00:24:10] Awesome.
[00:24:10] That's a great resource. If anyone's struggling in those areas or unbalanced or weight, loss and health and getting healthy, I'd encourage you to attend that and get started on that journey as well. Thanks so much for being here today.
[00:24:25] Bas Lebesque: [00:24:25] Thank you very much.
[00:24:26]Scott Maderer: [00:24:26] thanks so much for listening to the inspired stewardship podcast as a subscriber and listener, we challenge you to not just sit back and passively listen, but act on what you've heard and find a way to live your calling. If you enjoy this episode. Please do us a favor. Go over to inspired stewardship.com/itunes rate.
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