Join us today for the Saturday Night Special about why a posture of non-judgement isn't the same as non-judgement...
In this episode I talk to you about recognizing our own bias and holding a space for others that isn't judgmental...
In tonight’s Saturday Night Special I share why a posture of Non-Judgement is so important as a coach. I also share why this has wider implications for our life. I talk with you about why non-judgement doesn’t mean you accept everything.
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SNS89 Saturday Night Special â€“ A Posture of Non-Judgement
[00:00:00] Scott Maderer: [00:00:00] Welcome to tonight's Saturday night, special episode 89.
[00:00:04] Brian Steele: [00:00:04] I'm Brian Steele,
[00:00:05] author of the kingdom field guide. And I challenge you to invest in yourself, invest in others, develop your influence and impact the world. How by using your time, your talent and your treasure to live out your calling. Discovering how to seek first God's kingdom is key.
[00:00:26] And one way to be inspired to do that is to listen to this, the inspired stewardship podcast with my friend, Scott Maderer.
[00:00:34]Scott Maderer: [00:00:34] these are internal biases, so we can't always identify them. We can't always recognize them. Some of them are unconscious. If you look for unconscious bias exams, you can find them by Harvard and others where you will be surprised. I guarantee it. How many biases you have built into yourself already? It's a very humbling experience.
[00:00:58] Welcome. And thank you for [00:01:00] joining us on the inspired stewardship podcast. If you truly desire to become the person who God wants you to be, then you must learn to use your time, your talent and your treasures for your true calling in the inspired stewardship podcast. We'll learn to invest in yourself, invest in others and develop your influence so that you can impact.
[00:01:23] The work
[00:01:24]and tonight Saturday night special, I share why a posture of non-judgment is so important as a coach. I also share why this has wider implications for our life. And I talk with you about why non-judgment doesn't mean you simply accept everything. Now, one area that a lot of folks need some help with is around the area of productivity.
[00:01:48] Getting not just more things done, but actually getting the right things done can be really tough. I've got a course called productivity for your passion. [00:02:00] That's designed to help you do this and then to hold you accountable and walk with you so that you can tailor productivity, not just to be getting more done, but actually getting the right things done.
[00:02:14] What's more, we take the approach of looking at your personality and how you actually look at things in the world and tailor the productivity system to your personality. Because the truth is a lot of the systems that are out there are written really well for somebody with a particular personality type.
[00:02:32] But if you have a different approach to things, they just don't work, but there's tools and techniques and approaches that you can take that will work for anyone. And we help you do that and productivity for your passion. Check it out email@example.com slash launch. So I've been attending a national.
[00:02:54] Actually international this year coaching conference, where we've got about [00:03:00] 50 coaches from all around the world who are working together to help develop each other's skills. And this year we're focusing on coaching skills. And one of those coaching skills that we're talking about is the idea of non judgment.
[00:03:17] And it really hit me as I was working through that and developing the material and then talking to other coaches about it. About how important it is to recognize that what we're doing as a coach in part is taking a posture of non judgment. Now notice, I didn't say we are having no judgment or we're this nonjudgmental perfect being that is separate from any bias or judgment.
[00:03:46] And we occupy some sort of perfect spot. I set up a posture of non judgment. The truth is that all human beings constantly judge each other. We constantly [00:04:00] judge things. And in part that's, because the way our brains are designed, include biases that grow out of a normal part of human thought. Because we formed things into categories.
[00:04:13] We like to use shortcuts or heuristics to make decisions. We form social groups and cliques and all of these things and picking up on these social messages and these cues, all of these things. Involved doing internal judgments, they involve looking at other people and saying, do they fit into my judgment?
[00:04:34] Do they fit into my clinic? Do they belong? Are they going to harm me? Is there something I need to be doing to make this relationship better? And in doing this, recognizing that we all have judgments that we're doing all of the time, what then do I mean by a posture of non judgment? What I mean is coaches have to recognize [00:05:00] that they're judging all of the time and then they have to begin to not necessarily fight against it, but accept their own internal biases, recognize their own faults, recognize that they don't know everything.
[00:05:15] They're not always going to be right. That just because they're okay. Doesn't mean other people aren't, it's accepting a posture of openness and recognizing that the values that I have may or may not fit for the values of this other person. I have to be open to letting them discover their own values.
[00:05:37] Now that does mean if there's a clash of values. If I can't do that because their values, the client's values are so different from mine. Then I also have to recognize that and allow that client to go to a different coach. If there's an ethical situation where I don't feel comfortable as a coach, I have to be okay [00:06:00] with being.
[00:06:01] Okay to let that go. Or I have to be open and honest with the client and let them go work with someone else, whatever it is that clash has to be recognized. And if it is such that I can no longer. Keep a post posture of curiosity. If I can no longer get out of my own head and instead listen actively to the client and pull from them what they need, then I need to let that client go for their own sake.
[00:06:35] That is a form of judgment, but it's judgment about recognizing your own biases. Now these are internal biases, so we can't always identify them. We can't always recognize them. Some of them are unconscious. If you look for unconscious bias exams, you can find them by Harvard and others where you will be surprised.
[00:06:55] I guarantee it. How many biases you have built into your [00:07:00] already? It's a very humbling experience. And the truth is this has wider implications for our life, because think about it. We go to a family gathering, we go to a church group, we go to a friend's house, whatever it is, we've still got that same internal dialogue of judgment going on all of the time.
[00:07:22] And when we recognize that we can begin to recognize that, Hey, maybe this isn't. The best thing, maybe making these judgments right now, isn't fair. Maybe I need to step back and recognize my own internal biases and recognize that someone else may have a different position and that's okay. Now this isn't the same as just sitting back and accepting everything like earlier, I talked about, if I'm in a situation where there is a conflict of values, or there is an ethical situation or a moral situation or something else going on that [00:08:00] might create conflict between me and the client.
[00:08:03] I need to recognize that and call that out. And then by calling it out, then the client. And I together can decide to either co-create a new space or separate and let them find a coach or I can even help them find a coach that might be a better fit for them. The same thing can happen in our wider life.
[00:08:25] If you and someone else have that conflict going on, trust me, they're both going to feel it and you're going to feel it. Everyone's going to recognize that the energy in the room has changed. There's something going on. There's a judgment being made. And you can call that out into an existence with honesty and work together to move past it, or you can decide to let it go and maybe even let the relationship go in resupply.
[00:08:53] So this idea of not being nonjudgmental not having judgment, but taking a [00:09:00] posture of non-judgment to me is an important distinction. And it has really helped me. With my relationships, the truth is, trust me, I'm not perfect in this. I judge people all the time and I judged myself all the time, but as I become aware of it, I've gotten better at recognizing it when it happens and then moving past it as well.
[00:09:26] Thanks for listening.
[00:09:26]Thanks so much for listening to the inspired stewardship podcast as a subscriber and listener, we challenge you to not just sit back and passively listen, but act on what you've heard and find a way to live your calling. If you enjoy this episode please do us a favor. Go over to inspired stewardship.com/.
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Recognising our own mistakes helps us to empathise non-judgementally with others and helps enable us to understand their issues. ― Jay Woodman