00:00:00 Welcome to tonight's Saturday night special, where I talk to you about guilt, regret and shame. I'm Wade Goal. I challenge you to invest in yourself, investing others. Develop your influence and impact the world by using your time, your talent and your treasures toe live out your calling. Having the ability to live toe work instead of working to live is key and one way to be inspired to do that. Listen to this. The inspired stewardship podcast with my friend Scott made her in action. I haven't moved forward as quickly or as effectively as I should,
00:00:45 because instead I've been trying to deal with these negative emotions and the feelings of guilt, regret and shame. And in this case, they were negative not because of the emotion but because of the fact that I wasn't able to deal with them and move forward more effectively. It was being trapped. That was bad. Welcome and thank you for joining us on the inspired stewardship. Podcasts. If you truly desire to become the person who God wants you to be, then you must learn to use your time, your talent and your treasures for your true calling in the inspired Searchie podcast will learn to invest in herself,
00:01:24 invest in others and develop your influence so that you can impact the way. In tonight's Saturday night special, I talk with you about the difference between guilt, regret and shame. I also talk about how these emotions in all of these cases can be both good or bad and real and not riel and how you can effectively move forward when you're dealing with these kinds of emotions. No one area that a lot of folks need some help with is around the area of productivity. Getting not just Maur things done, but actually getting the right things done can be really,
00:02:11 really tough. I've got a course called Productivity for your passion that's designed to help you do this. And then they hold you accountable and walk with you so that you can tailor productivity not just to be getting more done but actually getting the right things done. What's more, we take the approach of looking at your personality and how you actually look at things in the world and Taylor the productivity system to your personality, because the truth is a lot of the systems that are out there are written really well for somebody with a particular personality type,
00:02:49 but if you have a different approach to things, they just don't work. But there's tools and techniques and approaches that you can take that will work for anyone,
00:02:58 and we help you do that and productivity for your passion. Check it out over at inspired stewardship dot com slash launch.
00:03:08 Guilt, shame and regret. These are often emotions that air seeing as in some way bad or holding us back.
00:03:17 And the truth is, they can be. But they can also be beneficial emotions that help point us in a new and better direction.
00:03:27 The other thing that happens is a lot of times we use thes three words interchangeably. We talk about being guilty.
00:03:33 Having regret or feeling shame is if they're all the exact same thing. And the truth is, they're subtle differences between these emotions that cause us to react to them in different ways.
00:03:47 Let's talk a little bit about these emotions and then what we conduce to effectively move forward when we're dealing with them,
00:03:54 because the truth is as human beings, we're going to deal with these emotions and they can be part of what holds us back from making progress in our time or talent or our treasures.
00:04:08 So guilt. Guilt at its simplest matter is feeling bad about something that you have done something you've said to another person,
00:04:17 something you've done in terms of an action to another person. It's actually feeling bad about something that was it exchanged between you and another person,
00:04:28 usually or a lot of times. Guilt is considered to have some sort of moral component. You know,
00:04:34 you're doing something that is against the rules, either societal norms or religious norms, and therefore you feel guilty because of that.
00:04:44 The interesting thing about guilt is when you notice it when you feel guilty, often times trying to a leave,
00:04:51 that guilt causes us to act in a different way. We begin to change our behavior to avoid feeling guilty,
00:05:02 and in this way guilt could be a good emotion. It could motivate you to change your actions and do something riel that improves those actions.
00:05:13 The interesting thing about guilt is there are times that it could be perceived and felt because of a riel action or a really behavior that you've exhibited.
00:05:23 And then there's other times where you feel the emotion of guilt because someone else has explained to You are shown you that you've done something that they felt bad about.
00:05:35 But the truth is, it's not a riel offense. Instead, they're using that emotion of guilt. Try to motivate you to change your behavior in some way that benefits them.
00:05:50 We've all heard this before that sending someone on a guilt trip, you know, and it can happen with people that we really love and care about where,
00:05:58 intentionally or unintentionally, they can use your love in a way that manipulates your behavior and don't get me wrong.
00:06:08 I'm not saying that always occurs because it certainly doesn't. But it does happen, and some one of the things we need to look at when we're dealing with these emotions Is this real,
00:06:20 or is this something that someone else is putting on me? So let's talk a little bit about regret.
00:06:30 Regret is also an unpleasant emotion. Generally, it's described a similar to unhappiness or sadness, but it could be different,
00:06:40 and it's generally about having some sort of external event or some sort of external circumstance, where you either didn't like having to not do it or did like doing it on.
00:06:54 In other words, the regret is the feeling of having missed out on something, you know, we talk about quote foam.
00:07:00 Oh, right, fear of missing out. This is a feeling tied to regret. It also could happen because something has happened to you and and now you feel this emotion of I didn't enjoy that experience.
00:07:15 And so I have regret. It's similar to complaining or lamenting, so you know to take these two for a minute.
00:07:24 If you needed to do something for your child's birthday and you failed to do it, then that would be a feeling of guilt.
00:07:34 If you needed to do something for your child's birthday and because your car broke down, you are unable to do it.
00:07:42 You would feel regret so you can regret, Ah, bad stroke of luck, a disappointing turn of events,
00:07:50 something that goes wrong. But it it really it can arise from something that you've done, which is similar to guilt,
00:07:58 but it isn't really about feeling some sort of emotional response or moral response to something that you were supposed to get done or do,
00:08:08 it's it's more about just sort of the external coming to you. In most cases, it doesn't have anything to do with whether the action was right or wrong.
00:08:18 Instead, it's more about Was it good or bad? And again, this could be a really emotion where it happens,
00:08:27 because you truly have felt bad about some events that has occurred. But you can also have perceived regret where other people put it upon you and say,
00:08:38 Aren't you sad about ex wires E. In this comparison culture where we live oftentimes scrolling through social media can create feelings of regret that aren't really really You're not actually sad because of something that you missed out on,
00:08:55 but because other people are experiencing it, you begin to perceive this feeling of regret. And then, of course,
00:09:03 their shame. Shame is feeling bad about something you are. Shame is when you look at yourself as less than others,
00:09:15 it has this component of humiliation or embarrassment or social ostracism. But it doesn't always have to. Now,
00:09:26 shame again can be riel and perceived, or it can be not really. It can be something that motivates you to make yourself a better person,
00:09:37 you know, Oftentimes people will say shame is always negative. But the truth is shame can actually motivate you to make good changes in who you are.
00:09:46 You know, regret can cause you to seek out experiences that you wouldn't otherwise seek out. Guilt can cause you to change the way you act.
00:09:55 So there is a beneficial side to feeling these emotions. If they're harnessed for good, shame can be put upon you by others.
00:10:03 And shame can be felt because of yourself and feeling bad about something that you are. So what do you do about it?
00:10:11 What do you do if you're feeling these sorts of emotions And if you get trapped in them? And and honestly,
00:10:16 part of the reason that I'm talking about these is these are emotions that I've had to deal with in my life Quite a bit.
00:10:23 I feel all of these emotions, and I can tell you that there have been times where, because of the feeling of these,
00:10:30 I've gotten trapped in in action. I haven't moved forward as quickly or as effectively as I should, because instead I've been trying to deal with these negative emotions and the feelings of guilt,
00:10:41 regret and shame. And in this case, they were negative not because of the emotion, but because of the fact that I wasn't able to deal with them and move forward more effectively.
00:10:52 It was being trapped. That was bad. And it wasn't even the emotion that was trapping me. It was not learning and being able to deal with them effectively.
00:11:04 And so a few things that I've developed over the years that don't always help. That's the honest truth.
00:11:11 I wouldn't lie to you, but they can help. His first is stepping back and thinking, Is this emotion really?
00:11:18 Really? Is this something that I'm feeling in an appropriate way? Because I did do something that was,
00:11:24 you know, negative or because I did miss out on something that I really wanted to do are because I am concerned about some thing cut some character trade or some component of who I am?
00:11:36 Or is this being put upon me by others, either society or by the people around me? In a way that's not good.
00:11:43 In other words, it's not society looking at me and saying that's not appropriate behavior and I agree it's society looking at me and saying That's not appropriate behavior and me feeling like,
00:11:54 Why? Why are we putting this upon people? And we do that a lot in our society Evaluate the purpose behind the motion.
00:12:03 Think is this emotion actually pointing something out to me that is an opportunity for change or growth and then figure out what is the change,
00:12:13 our growth that needs toe happen and then begin to make the changes. And by the way, that includes.
00:12:18 If you have harmed another person that includes apologize if needed. Tell them that you're sorry and mean it and then be sincere and make the rial effort to change and begin to accept it and move on,
00:12:34 but begin to take action. And then the last is the recognition that none of us are perfect. You are not perfect.
00:12:42 You will never be perfect. But if you are making progress, then you should forgive yourself and move on.
00:12:52 Thanks for listening. Thanks so much for listening to the inspired stewardship Podcast. As a subscriber and listener,
00:13:04 we challenge you to not just sit back and passively listen. But act on what you've heard and find a way toe.
00:13:12 Live your calling. If you enjoyed this episode, please, please do us a favor. Go over to inspired stewardship dot com slash iTunes rate all one word iTunes rate.
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00:13:44 your talent and your treasures develop your influence and impact world.