00:00:00 Welcome to tonight's Saturday night special with Jennifer Lose Otto Arthur of inheriting Chaos with compassion. I'm Jennifer was Otto, author of Inheriting Chaos With Compassion. I encourage you to find the ways to be loving with your family both before and after you pass, and one way to be inspired to do that is to listen to this he inspired stewardship podcast with my friends got major like a lot of rage is forest No time to do, um, much of anything extra. Relax. Might be a good thing. No time to relax.
00:00:48 So and so it just makes everything reports to make more and more trade offs. Welcome. And thank you for joining us on the inspired stewardship podcast. If you truly desire to become the person who God wants you to be, then you must learn to use your time, your talent and your treasures for your true calling in the inspired stewardship Podcast will learn to invest in yourself, invest in others and develop your influence so that you can impact the world. In tonight's 27th Saturday Night Special, Jennifer Lose Otto and I talk about the compassion you need both before and after a loved one's passing that allows youto handle the financial stress that happens during these kinds of losses.
00:01:51 Jennifer shares her own experience in a terrible year where she lost both her husband and her sister and she was the one having to deal with the finances around both. And Jennifer talks about how this experience has affected her life. Now as a financial advisor, no one area that a lot of folks need some help with is around the area of productivity. Getting not just Maur things done, but actually getting the right things done can be really, really tough. I've got a course called Productivity for your passion that's designed to help you do this.
00:02:31 And then they hold you accountable and walk with you so that you can tailor productivity not just to be getting more done but actually getting the right things done. What's more, we take the approach of looking at your personality and how you actually look at things in the world and Taylor the productivity system to your personality, because the truth is, a lot of the systems that are out there are written really well for somebody with a particular personality type. But If you have a different approach to things, they just don't work.
00:03:05 But there's tools and techniques and approaches that you can take that will work for anyone, and we help you do that and productivity for your passion. Check it out over at inspired stewardship dot com slash launch Jennifer Lose Otto is, ah, financial partner and certified financial planner with well over 30 years of experience in the financial service is industry. She's the founder of Summit Financial Partners and has a passion for helping her clients deal with the complex emotions that come up when we deal with our money. She's had a really deep personal experience with loss of her husband of 26 years after a long battle with leukemia,
00:03:53 and shortly after that, she lost her sister as well and had toe help the family walk through all of that. Out of that pain, Jennifer wrote, inheriting Chaos with Compassion, a compassionate handbook covering all of the details that come about when you deal with navigating Ah loved ones. Financial legacy. Welcome to the show, Jennifer. Thank you, Scott. I'm really happy to be here. Thanks for having me as a guest. You're very welcome. So can you tell us a little bit Maur about?
00:04:24 You know, the story behind the story There I I just mentioned you had to pretty pretty major family losses that came back to back and working through those What? What did that reveal to you and help you understand? I had no concept of how complex that can make your life after you lose someone and you're you're standing and they're trying to pick up all the pieces and especially with my sister of my sister's. The story about around my sister is even more complex than it was with my husband. But, um,
00:04:59 you know, in our situation, with my husband being a financial person, I was in charge of the money, right? So it wasn't like I was just suddenly going. I don't know how to pay the power bill, but a lot of a lot of people, usually one spouse or partner, pays the bills and the other doesn't would be stuck with that situation right of like I don't even know how we pay the bills and so in. But with my sister, I had no idea what anything waas or where he was and her husband was in the early stages of dementia.
00:05:30 And so it was like a bomb went off. Was far is trying to figure that out. So, um, I just learned a lot of lessons. I wasn't expecting to learn at that stage. I, uh you know, that's one of those things that I think you point out to, folks, because when you're in this case, you're stepping in for a close family member in your sister's case. But not, you know, not your spouse. You know, I think a lot of times we think about,
00:06:01 well, not everybody, but hopefully we think about preparing for the fact that, you know, one day our spouses gonna pass on and we've done the things that we need to do. We'll talk more about those later, but we don't necessarily think about it when it's once removed. You can know. What about our sister? What about our parents? What about our grandparent's? In some cases, it depends. And how does that what? You know what was different? I mean, you talked a little bit about,
00:06:28 you know, obviously with your husband, you're already doing some of this, but coming in from the outside. What did you see? That was either the most challenging or the most the most different about that situation it became. It was really like a sleuthing game, as far as I needed to figure out I didn't. They lived in our way in and order. Power Company was I didn't know your credit card companies were. I didn't know anything. What, they had a mortgage. I didn't you know,
00:06:56 it's so it was really having to look for every single clue you could. Fine, you're the mail through their house. It's really weird going through somebody's house that you know it wasn't you didn't expect to be doing. And I'm really getting into their private business just because suddenly it's your job. And so um so it was really hard and it took a lot of time to uncover things. Um, and there's was not a complex from a great wealth perspective, but it was very complicated because they had lots of little accounts all over the place,
00:07:33 investment wise and had a little business, and it was just and they were not very organized. So is a mess. Most people aren't a zoo financial coach. I've seen a lot of people in the back end. Yeah, if they come to me, it's because there's a mess. You know, I don't usually come because it's like a everything's working. Hopefully, I help on the other end and they're, you know, they're at least at least that It's a little work, I hope. Yeah,
00:08:05 you know, in this book, inheriting chaos with compassion. I love the title, by the way you talk about all of these kinds of major things. You know, you have part one and part two and you talk about the different things that we have to deal with when a loved one has passed. And, you know, I I love the fact that compassion shows up in the title because I think that is a key. Concepto have not only for yourself, but for others as well. Um,
00:08:36 where you know, when you're dealing with these sorts of situations automatically, you're dealing with grief at the same time. So what are the steps that people actually need to focus on to kind of get through this while still having some compassion for themselves? Yes, it's it's It's hard, really to lean on other people I leaned on other professionals, even even though I'm in the financial industry as well as it is a feely investment adviser and planner. Um, and there were things like settling the estate with the county that I could figure out.
00:09:17 But I it was I was so overwhelmed hunting down little bake accounts that I leaned on an estate planning attorney and I pulled in a c p a. And I just knew that I had enough on my hands. And if I could, not everyone can pull those people in. But if you can definitely d'oh! Um and it really does help make the process neither and easier. And, um, the other thing is to lead on your community and your friends. It's so it's such an interesting dynamic as people because we hate I personally hate to ask people to help me,
00:09:53 right, because we feel like we're inconveniencing them and you know, they don't have time and but really people. But I love to help people, right? So we all really, actually like to help. Maybe not all, but most people really like to help others. And if people offer and they have, if even if it's just bringing you dinner. Take him up on it. Let him let them support you. And I will give some advice to those people that are in that community and and have somebody around them grieving.
00:10:24 Um, and we actually have this going on right now. We're recording. We had a very close major member of our church pass away suddenly this week.
00:10:33 And so the you know, our community that the congregation and others in her circle there now trying to take care of the husband and adult son and,
00:10:41 you know, just support him, right? And one of the things that I've learned over the years is not to say,
00:10:47 What do you need help with? Because they don't even know, um, and instead, find the thing that you can do and just show up and do it.
00:10:57 I am doing this for you. You know, it's a much more powerful than what do you need me to do because they don't know.
00:11:04 I mean and your brain's not working, you know? Yes. So one of my friends is an example.
00:11:10 What he does is when he finds out there's a funeral coming up and all of that he goes to the person's house,
00:11:17 you know, in a reasonable time. This isn't like showing up at five in the morning and just ask for all of their shoes and then polishes all of their shoes.
00:11:26 Oh, which sounds like a little thing. But if you think about it, you're probably pulling out dress shoes that you haven't worn,
00:11:32 you know, in six months and you put on your suit and all of these sorts of things and it's just a little thing.
00:11:39 But it's like, Oh, well, you know how compassionate. Um, and you know, I'm not saying go Polish people shoes,
00:11:48 but find the thing that you can dio if it's cook, just show up with the food. Don't ask.
00:11:56 Uh, yeah, exactly. When we when my husband died, we were at the end of renovating a home that we a lot,
00:12:05 and so we actually my daughter and I have a now 13 year old daughter. She was nine when he died.
00:12:12 We moved three weeks after he died. Maybe four. That's such a blur. But, um, I had a friend borrow lawn mower from somebody down the street of my new house and mow my lawn,
00:12:24 You know, thinks that I was I was, You know, bad moving is by itself, right?
00:12:29 You you know, in that situation, I mean, it was just awful. And, um, you people can step in and just do it doesn't have to be food,
00:12:38 right? There are so many kind things that can be done that people really appreciate. And so, yeah,
00:12:45 it definitely. Um I love your idea of just showing up because people do a task and they don't know You're right.
00:12:52 Yeah, it's Yeah, I you know, I don't ask for help. I'm you know, and and and you feel almost like because so much is being done for you,
00:13:01 too. You almost feel like you're putting on two people, you know, And? And the truth is,
00:13:05 like you said, most people want to help. They want to support. Um but they don't know,
00:13:11 You know. It is a combination of people. Don't know what Ask for it. People don't know what to do.
00:13:15 So s so often people feel in the grief, isolated in a way, that is it true. But it feels that way again.
00:13:24 I've gone through the passing with my father I was the executor, dealing with the finances. You know,
00:13:31 it's not fun, It's not now and people feel awkward. Um, they don't know what to say.
00:13:38 And, um, it really is Ah ah, dynamic that people want to reach out to you. But they feel awkward.
00:13:48 And so sometimes it, too, if you can make it easier for them to reach out. Thio.
00:13:53 That's good, too. So kind of taking a step back. I mean, obviously, in the case of your your sister,
00:14:01 there wasn't a lot of preparation beforehand when one of the reasons you came in and it was detective game to try to figure out what's you turned into.
00:14:10 Sherlock Holmes is the executor. So a lot of us don't think about that. You know what's the planning that needs to happen before someone passes?
00:14:22 Ah, and again, just to remind people you don't always get a notice, either. It's, you know it can happen again.
00:14:29 Church member dealing with She did have surgery, but she just never recovered from the surgery, and I and I mean it's one of these things where it's like,
00:14:40 not normal. That doesn't happen very often anymore. She was relatively young. She wasn't that much, you know.
00:14:48 She wasn't elderly or anything like that. It was to happen, so we don't always know. So what are some of the top things that people should do or look at doing before someone passes to help reduce the chaos and the anxiety that inevitably is going to come after I think they're the top 21 is get your estate planning documents done.
00:15:13 Make it clear whose job it is to do what? And ask the person right being executor his hard work it really.
00:15:21 I mean, ask the person you would like to be your executor because it's no, it's no joke having to take on that job.
00:15:28 Um, name a power of attorney as well, if you if there's some disability and I've got stories around that,
00:15:35 too, with my brother in law. But my sister died. I mean, literally just dropped out one day,
00:15:40 and she was the I. She was screaming nto old. In today's world, it isn't getting younger all the time.
00:15:48 I think the older I get the three older old gets that what would have been so helpful? Thio They did have they had it my sister and her husband did have those estate.
00:16:01 They didn't have power of attorney documents, but thankfully, my brother in law was still lucid enough. He could name Meet Mia's power attorney,
00:16:11 which was a whole different story. But, um is just to gather your documents. If you're not somebody who's gonna have aisles and a notebook and all of that,
00:16:20 at least throw it all in a box somewhere that someone confined it and one spot because even things like your power bill,
00:16:26 you need an account number. This is my whole fear. With online billing is to somebody's got If if they're not getting a bill in the mail or some sort of notice,
00:16:38 it's gonna take longer to figure it out. So make sure people have you read your email password is somewhere in that sort of emergency notebook or a box or whatever it might be.
00:16:50 But just tow have, um, some clues of what is needs to be dealt with is would be huge.
00:16:59 One of the one of the things I've worked with, um, with some clients is ah, we have a tool that,
00:17:05 you know, we just call ah, a love box basically, and it is that it's really just a list of.
00:17:12 Here's all the stuff that you kind of need a copy of in one safe place. And then you gather all those documents,
00:17:19 stick him in a boulder and I don't care if it's Elektronik. I don't care if it's physical. It honestly should be both because,
00:17:26 you know, if it's only physical than your house burns down and it's gone. If it's only Elektronik,
00:17:30 then it can also never be found because not everybody knows how to get into the Electra. So you gotta have both.
00:17:37 But But it is, really It's just a list of, you know, here's the stuff that you need,
00:17:42 um, before ah, and then that's a tool that I've had clients use. Um, and it sounds silly,
00:17:49 but honestly, people don't know, you know, unless you work with good estate planning person who walks you through it.
00:17:59 Um, and I will just warn people. Not everybody who works on the States is good, because I'm a friend of yours.
00:18:07 Just kind of like I'll do it. Here you go. You know, you know, it cost you $500 you're done.
00:18:13 Um and they really don't walk you through anything or talk to you about any thing. And then there are others that are really,
00:18:19 really good and, well, Milwaukee through and help you kind of put that mess together, Which brings Buzz back.
00:18:25 I'm gonna circle back to something you said. You said you were able to reach out to some experts and kind of build a team around you.
00:18:32 What are some of the folks that people may want to think about? You know, if they can And again,
00:18:37 not everybody can. And not everybody will. But if they can, Who are some of the the expert team that people need toe maybe assemble around them to help walk through?
00:18:48 Ah, the complexities that come definitely in a state planning attorney would be number one and an accountant to C.
00:18:58 P. A. To help you because states have tax returns. The people who died of tax returns have to be done.
00:19:04 And you know, my sister, they had that business and they were no longer keeping records because my brother in law was mentally declining and that was his job.
00:19:13 Just something to help wade through that sort of paperwork. as well. And I actually ended up leaning on 1/3 professional,
00:19:22 which was a company that helped me clean out and dispose of my sister's house and belongings. And that's one thing.
00:19:31 It's a, um, other people's stuff is pretty stressful, right? Um, and having Thio And so,
00:19:40 um, and that we can touch on some of this and then some of the other points, too.
00:19:44 But the I ended up calling a company and hiring them. Thio, help me clean out the house auction what could be auctioned,
00:19:54 donate what could be donated and dispose of what could be disposed of and clean up their house. Because I had to move my brother in law to assisted living,
00:20:02 which was also another another fun thing that happened. But that was pretty invaluable. Any one of those events,
00:20:13 That was not a good year. Yeah, it's still reverberating a little bit, but yes, um,
00:20:21 and so, yes, just tow. They were invaluable. The company that I did, a firing which has been acquired no longer exists,
00:20:29 but they're around. There's plenty of them. Um, and it's, you know, talking to people.
00:20:34 And, um, but that was it would have. There's no way I could have gotten that done.
00:20:37 They lived an hour away from me, and I work full time. And I have a, um,
00:20:40 a single mom now. And, you know, it was I wouldn't take give me a year. Probably your,
00:20:47 um And so, um, it was it was a huge dress reduction, even though it was very stressful to go because I had to be there and decide what we keep on what we don't know.
00:20:57 My mom was there, and it was very emotional for her, and, um, it was it was tough,
00:21:02 but they, you know, consider that kind of professionals. Well, that can help with this stuff.
00:21:07 You know, we did a similar thing with my great grandmother when she before she passed, but what?
00:21:13 She went into the nursing home. Um and so in this case, it's a little different, but still similar thing.
00:21:18 We're basically all the family was called and said, Come to the house. If there's furniture that you want,
00:21:24 that's, you know, an heirloom or what? We're gonna divvy that up with grandma. I mean,
00:21:27 great grandma got to speak to it. And so you know that goes to this person that goes to this person.
00:21:32 I don't care about this. And then we basically all said, Does anyone want it? You know,
00:21:37 and, uh, and sometimes people did. And sometimes people didn't. And when kind of we've gotten rid of all of that,
00:21:44 it was like, Okay, back the truck up way. Everything else goes away, you know? Yeah.
00:21:52 Yeah. And in this case, they bought it basically at a low costs. But you know that in other words,
00:21:57 they were paying pennies on the dollar, but we didn't care. Got into the way. We just need to be gone so that we can sell in the house because she needed the money from the house for,
00:22:07 you know, other things. So right. And it was the same thing. It would have taken months and months and months to do it on our own.
00:22:14 It was easier to just get it all done. So in the case that we're talking about here, you had you had a whole series of blows that came kind of back to back to back husband's younger brother in law.
00:22:27 Um, So how did this back to back situation? Kind of highlight for you the rial complexities that come when you're dealing with the passing of,
00:22:39 you know, not just not just your husband, your spouse. I'm not even just immediate family. But just that complexity of having someone in your circle pass?
00:22:51 Um, um, yes, it's I realized what a part time job all of that can be And is when your trying already juggle your normal life,
00:23:05 which is already pretty full, you know, we live life. Milan rages forest. No time to d'oh!
00:23:13 Um, much of anything extra. Relax. Might be the good thing. No time to relax. So and so it just makes every yu reports to make more and more trade offs of your time.
00:23:25 There were days at work where I was like, I have to go to D M B and deal with this,
00:23:32 um and therefore, I'm not at work, which wasn't which wasn't good. So, um, it was frustrating.
00:23:41 And it was, um it was painful. And s o I think we have to give ourselves some grace there to say I'm very fortunate,
00:23:53 very blessed. I own my own business. Nobody's gonna yell at me if I'm a d M v for,
00:23:57 you know. So I have people here that work, and it's so But I love my business. And so to be have to sit a t m b when I could be doing what I love was frustrating to me.
00:24:09 Um and so I just really, sometimes had to get myself a talking thio about my attitude about that a little bit,
00:24:19 because I, um, needed to be done. And, um and you know how to be taken care of.
00:24:26 So it makes life more complex because you have more and more trade offs of what you do with your time,
00:24:31 and you've got people around you who are hurting. And, um, I would have to remind myself that I was the only person in the circle of grief that was dealing with that stuff.
00:24:43 My mom was upset and hurt and, of course, and my dad and and my daughter to some degree with my sister they weren't super close,
00:24:51 but But, of course, with my husband, Um, and so for me to be outwardly frustrated and,
00:24:59 um, trouble, I tried to keep that away from them and share that burden more with people who were friends.
00:25:08 Um so it makes the relationships a bit more complex as well. I think the other thing that I want to call out their cause and I know it's something that you you talk about in the book as well is that concept of having a little grace for yourself.
00:25:24 You know, if you're working through this, this is a process. This isn't an event. Um,
00:25:29 you don't have to get everything done in 10 minutes. You know, there are things that you need to do quickly.
00:25:35 And then there are things that if it takes six months, it takes six months, and that's okay.
00:25:41 And, um, you know, have a little grace for yourself, too, in figuring out Ah,
00:25:46 and that's again we're working with. The team can help because they can kind of help them. They can help point you two.
00:25:52 This is important. Do it now. This it doesn't really It's okay, you know, take some time and and breathes and grieve and do the things that you need to do to take care of yourself,
00:26:03 too, especially for folks that do have a full time job where it's not like you know, I I own my own business,
00:26:09 too. If I need to take a day off, I take a day off. But there's, you know,
00:26:14 I also worked in corporate where that wasn't true. And and, you know, luckily, we had benevolence leave,
00:26:20 and I could take that. But not every company even has that. So, you know, it's it's complex.
00:26:26 Especially when you're working a full time job. So, having that grace for yourself, is there anything you'd add to that?
00:26:32 Um, yeah, yes, I think part of that grace it just tags on to what you're talking about.
00:26:38 Is it? Not everything has to be done. Um, all at once. And so what I did up doing was taking,
00:26:45 trying to consolidate and then break it down into bite size pieces and decide, You know, I'm gonna tackle this part this week and that part the next week,
00:26:54 and inevitably, you do one thing, and then something comes back that well. Yeah, but we need this to,
00:27:00 you know, it might be a banker is usually financial institutions, right? Yeah, but we didn't really send you the right to work her way.
00:27:09 No. We sent you the form to fill out, but he said you the wrong for my I'm good there.
00:27:13 That's part of what generated the idea for the book. Waas. I know the forms, you know,
00:27:19 and I know that it's frustrating and I'm so familiar with all the language. And I'm thinking about people who aren't familiar because it is his own language.
00:27:27 That's true. And it's like, How do they ever wade through it on their own? I don't know.
00:27:31 But, um, So yes, give herself agrees. The just bite sized pieces, and it'll get down eventually.
00:27:37 And, um, you know, part of my I'm sort of self driven, motivated, and I just want to get things done right.
00:27:45 I wanted off my list, and I had to talk myself into, um, taking it to the bite size pieces.
00:27:51 And it did reduce the stress and the anxiety around the whole thing to do that. Yeah, my my sister and I were actually co executors for my father's situation,
00:28:03 which, by the way, for those listening brings its own complexity. If you set it up that way to,
00:28:09 um and there's a whole other Ah hell, another lesson to learn from that, Uh, but it ah,
00:28:17 it it's interesting how long it took? Um, you know, I don't think people understand, You know,
00:28:26 until you've been through it that this is not, you know, someone passes in two weeks later, everything settled taking care of,
00:28:33 um, you know, there's a there's a journey to take care of all of that, even even if they've done all the work ahead of time and have all the paperwork in place,
00:28:43 it still takes time. It's not instantaneous. So having that grace to recognize that and again, I think a lot of his grace for yourself,
00:28:53 you know, other people are usually not putting the pressure on it. Okay, there are families where that happens to a podcast for another day.
00:29:03 Way that'll be a four hour shows, a psychologist. And so what are some of the big less is that people need to learn.
00:29:18 You know, if you think about your book, if you think about the message that you're bringing, what what would you say are the biggest lessons that people need to learn so that they can have this have this compassion that you're talking about and really show love for those that survive their passing?
00:29:35 Um, in in addition to getting your paperwork organized. I think they're some other issues around. That one is if you're there.
00:29:46 If you're the person with the responsibility of taking care of an estate there, 70 people have input. If they're,
00:29:55 for example, in cleaning out my sister's house. My mom was like she would look at the Cabinet she'll have.
00:30:01 Somebody could probably use that bottle of you're asked, You know, you've got to just say no, we're We're blowing this perfect apart work And so having Thio just try to have compassion on that viewpoint.
00:30:15 But also, sometimes you just have to make a call and say, This is what we're going to dio because it's the only way we can make it happen.
00:30:22 I've also heard people say, um, that they're just not gonna worry about this stuff. That's their kid's problem.
00:30:31 Your kids will just have her. Many will say that, and usually it's people who have a lot of stuff that they're like,
00:30:39 Oh, they'll have to take her and it is just I think that's the hardest part is dealing with people stuff that's left behind,
00:30:47 and so I would encourage people thio, um maybe live a little lighter as faras their possessions because it really if you're already in a grief state and you've got to deal with whatever it might be and you know your parents or sister had an emotional attachment to something,
00:31:10 Um, and you feel guilty because you're getting rid of it. But there's so much stuff that, you know in our all of our homes,
00:31:18 including mine mine, pretty minimalists that never sees the light of day, right? And so, but we're still hanging on to it.
00:31:24 And so I would encourage people thio be compassionate by saying, I don't really want my son or daughter or sister brother tohave to clean out that closet and because somebody's gonna have to do it someday it's either going to you or it's gonna be your errors.
00:31:41 And so I would encourage people to chip away at stuff you don't have to call in is, um,
00:31:47 Thea. I can't remember the expert cleaners name, but it doesn't have to be severe, but I think that is a really compassionate thing.
00:31:54 To do for people is not to leave them literally holding the bag full house will accept. So, um,
00:32:03 my parents just moved Thio a retirement community there in their eighties and they downsized. And it was hard because my mom's like,
00:32:12 Well, don't you want and you shouldn't you take? And you know I'm sitting here. I'm kind of minimalist,
00:32:18 trying not to. I'm trying to still pushed up out of my house, not bring stuff in, and I find that generation to tends to have a very emotional attachment to their possessions.
00:32:28 It it just is a little bit different, I think. And and I wonder if some of that is coming from ah,
00:32:34 growing up in a less prosperous time. And so it's a very I don't discount that feeling, but,
00:32:42 um, it's still, um, it's still hard on people to bring all that out. But I think to sometimes it's,
00:32:49 you know, if there's a piece of hardwood furniture that's been passed down through a couple of generations versus something that you bought it,
00:32:55 I Kia it's a little it's a little easier to have an emotional attachment for that. I have this wonderful client.
00:33:04 You, whose husband literally has furniture from the first settlements of Virginia, was Waas and they don't use it,
00:33:12 but they're like way Charlie legitimate. I totally agree, but, um so, yes, Good point.
00:33:21 Things do have different values. Not so much money to so much, but as and again, I mean,
00:33:28 I'll I'm gonna take it a step further if you do have some of that stuff that has high value,
00:33:34 Um, you know, And here I'm talking emotional value, not monetary value. Have the conversation with people ahead of time.
00:33:41 Figure out who it's going to and then and then document that, you know, you put it in the will,
00:33:47 put it in the trust, but it and you know whatever you're doing, um, you know, again work with an estate planning attorney to figure out what's right for you,
00:33:54 but put it in a document somewhere, because again, I'm gonna personal example where there was a piece of furniture and a family situation with the passing,
00:34:08 I technically was not a I wasn't the executor or anything like that. I was just a family member,
00:34:13 but I mean, it turned into a knock down, drag out fight about who got the piece of furniture because both people said that Mom had told them they could have it.
00:34:24 You know what It's probably true. Hawkins. Mom probably told both of them that at different times for getting that Mom had already promised,
00:34:32 you know, she didn't remember. It wasn't malicious. It was just It happened and, you know,
00:34:38 and they didn't talk for years Afterwards, Ah. Went a lot. It's hard to lose a family member over a table.
00:34:44 You know, that's because that's really what you're doing. So just write it down, please. Yeah.
00:34:49 Great points. Great point. Prevent the fight. Um, and that Yeah, I think you know a lot of it,
00:34:56 that the compassion is funny because it's on both sides of the equation. You have tohave that compassionate view before you passed on.
00:35:05 And then after someone does to continue to have the compassionate view after, Yeah, definitely. Um, yeah,
00:35:14 they're definitely two sides to that hole, that whole event and that sort of with the block. I was trying to write to both of those situations because they call for different things,
00:35:29 But, yes, you do need compassion in both different act actions. So one question that I tried to ask everybody is this I mean the thing.
00:35:39 But the show has inspired stewardship, so I'd kind of be remiss if I didn't talk about stewardship Esso.
00:35:45 And yet, as I've asked people this question, I keep getting different answers because I think this word means different things to different people.
00:35:53 So, Jennifer, would you share what stewardship means to you and how that meaning has impacted your life or changed over the time.
00:36:04 Yes, to me the definition is doing our best for what is in our care, and that can be our finances.
00:36:12 Is part of it, right? Not being wasteful, But it's not just money but our relationships. It goes back to the table fight that happened in your family is so we're stewards of those relationships being None of us are perfect parents but best parents and being good to our families.
00:36:32 And, um, for example, for I sometimes struggle at the moment because my life is particularly busy with the stage of my life.
00:36:42 My daughter is on her activities and of spending enough time with my parents. And, um, it's not that I don't want to.
00:36:50 It's just very difficult to pull off, and I remind myself daily that that is a really important relationship and I need to d'oh the best for that relationship that I can,
00:37:02 um, and our friendships. People tend to let their friendships go overtime sometimes because they're busy and busy is an enemy at times right of our relationship.
00:37:13 So I think we just really need to take the best care of everything that is in our path. That is truly important,
00:37:22 and that we're responsible for is a responsible with air quotes because we're not responsible for our friends. But we are responsible for feeding and nurturing those relationships you can find.
00:37:38 Jennifer on our home site at Summit Financial Partners are v A for Richmond Virginia dot com. You confined her over it twit on Twitter as Jennifer L.
00:37:52 U Z Z a T T. Randall letters. Well, ah, her last time has it. I want it.
00:38:02 That's the joke there. If you're interested in Maura about her book, you can go over thio the website there,
00:38:10 and there's a have at the top that says about the latest book and find more information there. Plus,
00:38:16 of course, you can find out information on our side about working with her as a fee only financial advisor.
00:38:22 Jennifer, Is there anything else you'd like to share with the listener. I think there's one other aspect to this compassion.
00:38:29 Ah, which is plugged into your community in other ways as well. We almost everybody has suffered a loss,
00:38:37 and we'll have and understanding and compassion for what you're experiencing. Um or, um, and also be open to life after the loss of someone that it's really been fun to watch clients embrace activities they had had to ignore because their spouse had been ill or that they'd always wanted to do and to give themselves permission to do that and move forward.
00:39:05 So, um, the transitions are hard, but also give yourself permission. Thio plug in and engage afterwards.
00:39:14 Well said, Thanks so much for listening to the inspired stewardship Podcast. As a subscriber and listener, we challenge you to not just sit back and passively listen.
00:39:34 But act on what you've heard and find a way toe live your calling. If you enjoyed this episode,
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