Episode 926: Develop Your Influence - Interview with Sharon Grossman author of the 7E solution to burnout - Part 3
[00:00:00] Scott Maderer: [00:00:00] Thanks for joining us on episode 926 of the inspired stewardship podcast.
[00:00:07]Sharon Grossman: [00:00:07] I'm Dr. Sharon Grossman. I challenge you to invest in yourself. Invest in others, develop your influence and impact the world by using your time, your talent and your treasures to live out your calling. Having the ability to avoid burning out is key.
[00:00:26] And one way to be inspired to do that is to listen to this, the inspired stewardship podcast with my friend, Scott made it.
[00:00:34]And what I tell them is that 99% of the things that other people do or say is not about you. And if you can remember that, then the logical question to ask when they do and say things that you would otherwise feel upset about. If it's not about me, what could it be about?
[00:00:58] Scott Maderer: [00:00:58] Welcome and thank you for [00:01:00] joining us on the inspired stewardship podcasts.
[00:01:03] If you truly desire to become the person who God wants you to be, then you must learn to use your time, your talent and your treasures for your true calling and the inspired stewardship podcast. We'll learn to invest in yourself, invest in others and develop your influence so that. Can impact the world
[00:01:24]in today's interview with Dr. Sharon Grossman, I asked Sharon about leadership. I also asked Sharon to talk about her book and why these seven ease can help anyone avoid burnout. Sharon and I also talk with you about emotional intelligence and how that can fit into the larger picture of avoiding. One reason I like to bring you great interviews.
[00:01:47] Like the one you're going to hear today is because of the power in learning from others. Another great way to learn from others is through reading books. But if you're like most people today, you find it [00:02:00] hard to find the time to sit down and read. And that's why today's podcast is brought to you by audible.
[00:02:06] Go to inspired stewardship.com/audible to sign up and you can get a 30 day free trial. There's over 180,000 titles to choose from. And instead of reading, you can listen your way to learn from some of the greatest minds out there. That's inspired stewardship.com/audible to get your free trial and listen to great books the same way you're listening to this podcast.
[00:02:34] Dr. Sharon Grossman is the Arthur of the international bestseller. The seven easy solution to burnout, transforming high achievers from exhausted to extraordinary. She's the founder of the exhausted to extraordinary model. And over the past 19 years has helped over 500 physicians, entrepreneurs and executives reshape their thinking and go from fried and frazzled to energized and [00:03:00] exhilarated.
[00:03:01] Welcome to the show.
[00:03:02] Sharon Grossman: [00:03:02] Thanks so much for having me.
[00:03:04] Scott Maderer: [00:03:04] So over the last few weeks, we've, we've talked about a few different words. And I talked a little bit about leaders being in a leadership position last week. One of the questions that I like to ask different guests, because I've learned, it's one of those words that we all define differently is how do you define the word leadership?
[00:03:24] Sharon Grossman: [00:03:25] That's a good question. So I define leadership as somebody who is a role model of what is rights, if you will. A lot of times we see people in leadership positions who are, who have a lot of self-interest and they do things because it gives them that power and A sense of self, but they're leaving out the actual leadership purpose, which is to have followers, to have [00:04:00] people that you're taking care of.
[00:04:01]And I think part of true leadership is to be an example, and to inspire people by being that model and showing them what they can do.
[00:04:13]Scott Maderer: [00:04:13] So we mentioned your book in the intro the 70 solution to burnout. What is it that you would say your book teaches and who is it for?
[00:04:24]Sharon Grossman: [00:04:24] So this is actually an interesting question because I originally wrote the book for burnout, obviously. What I do in the book is I take them. I take the reader on this journey through my seventies, and they're learning all of these skills and mindset shifts along the way.
[00:04:46] And ultimately what I found out is that, wow. This book is focusing on burnout. The journey of the seventies is actually something that's applicable to people in many walks of [00:05:00] life, because ultimately what it boils down to is the. Relationship with yourself that gets in the way of so much of what happens in your life.
[00:05:10] So I actually recently had a client that I was working with that wasn't struggling with. Burnout was struggling with some other issues in his case that happened to be with like that sense of identity and trying to figure out like, where do his parents end and where does he begin and trying to like, please the parents, but actually not feeling.
[00:05:32] Like it fit what he wanted for himself and trying to figure out that whole dance. And I said actually I wrote about this in my book. Let me share it with you. And so he. Found it so helpful that he went and bought the book and started reading it and just ignore the parts about burnout and was, really helped in all these other areas.
[00:05:53] So to answer the question, I think that for people who are struggling with burnout this is a great resource because it's going to teach you a lot of the [00:06:00] things that help you with that inner journey to not experience it. Like it's out of your control. There's so much that you can do to change your experience at work.
[00:06:09]And I think it's also really beneficial for people who just want to improve that relationship with themselves that want to learn the skills that are going to help you be successful in life in general. And these are things that are helpful, whether it's burnout or anxiety or frustration or anything that is a struggle right now in your life.
[00:06:31]I just want to offer that. It really came from my years of doing therapy and coaching with hundreds of people and seeing what those commonalities are and taking all of the teachings that I was doing there and applying them here in a systemic form.
[00:06:47]Scott Maderer: [00:06:47] So could you walk us through what are the seven.
[00:06:52]Sharon Grossman: [00:06:52] Sure. The first E is emotional intelligence. So hopefully everybody knows a [00:07:00] little bit about that, but it's like what we were talking about earlier on where it's about that self-awareness of what's going on in my mind. And then how you, how well you manage it, that's at least a big part of it because that's, what's going to lead to burnout ultimately.
[00:07:16] The second E is about empowerment and people have different definitions for that as well. But I think about it as your personal power and burnout for so many people is about feeling disempowered, feeling like they're a victim to their circumstances. And this is about how you take that power back and feel like you have more control than you realize.
[00:07:38]Then we have engagement. And one of the things that we see is that. Sometimes we become burned out because of the way in which we engage with our work. And so I'm sharing here some of the more optimal ways to engage so that you're not depleting yourself of your energy. Now we have efficacy, which for those of you who [00:08:00] aren't familiar with that term, it really is about your belief in your ability to do your work.
[00:08:07]And ultimately if I had to pick a synonym for that it's confidence. And when we don't feel confidence, that's like what you were talking about with imposter syndrome. And that's a huge energy drain, as we said. And so that leads you into all of these, what we call self-efficacy spirals, where you just go downhill.
[00:08:27] And so we're talking about how to reverse that spiral and how to stop it in its tracks. And then from there I talk about energy. So that's where a lot of the self-care comes in. I talk about effort and effort can be a couple of different things. A lot of times people will have this belief that they have to work really hard in order to achieve results.
[00:08:47]And so I talk about, it's really about working smarter, not harder and sometimes we have the opposite where people actually don't want to. Put in the work because they think in their mind that it's going to be so [00:09:00] hard and they feel overwhelmed and it doesn't have to be so hard and it doesn't have to be overwhelming.
[00:09:06] And so I help the reader things down and ultimately where we land is what I call enlightenment. And I use that term a little bit loosely, but basically what I'm referring to here is a lightening of your load. Here. I talk a lot about mindset. I talk about that abundance mindset, growth mindset.
[00:09:27] I talk about mindfulness and getting connected back to your sense of purpose, because one of the things that we know is that when you get disconnected from that's where a lot of burnout happens because you're like, why am I even doing this work? And so helping you really reconnect with your values.
[00:09:45] And and then we talk about how to also connect on a heart level. Because so much of this work is around mindset. I think it's important to bring it back to the heart because that's where passion lies and it brings up the energy a little [00:10:00] bit to a higher place. And so that's, I tie it all together.
[00:10:04] Scott Maderer: [00:10:04] Yeah. One of the things that cause I work with a lot of people in financial situations and it's the comment of nobody actually wants to get. Debt or nobody wants to pay off their house or nobody wants those are goals. Those are just tangible goals. What you want is the feeling and the emotion and the freedom and the, those are the things that you're actually after, but we'll talk about it in terms of very concrete goals, instead of putting it into the emotional language cause somehow or another, that feels safer.
[00:10:31]But what really drives us is the emotional language. It's the purpose behind it, the value of it.
[00:10:36] Sharon Grossman: [00:10:36] Yeah, totally. And I think if that you can reverse engineer what you need to do and how you need to think so that you can get to that emotional place that you want to feel.
[00:10:48]Scott Maderer: [00:10:48] We've talked a lot about emotion in the last couple of weeks and emotional intelligence and those sorts of things.
[00:10:54] How is it? Yeah. How does that fit in for people, [00:11:00] both in understanding themselves, but also understanding and working and connecting to others? Because again, I think one source of burnout, sometimes as you feel like you're alone in the situation, you feel like you're alone in the world. So how can you use that emotional intelligence to also build that connection with yourself and with others?
[00:11:19] Sharon Grossman: [00:11:19] I would say this there's a couple of things that could happen there that leads you to feel alone. If that's what we're talking about. I think part of it is that you tell yourself the story that you're alone, in which case I would tell you to really question whether that's true and look for evidence for, and against that thought.
[00:11:41] Oftentimes if we feel alone at work, it might also be that we feel alone in a lot of settings in our life. And then, it's like something that you bring to the situation as opposed to this is this particular situation, which is totally different. We tend to have these themes in our life where we're dragging all of our [00:12:00] stuff around.
[00:12:00]And so that could be just like a core feeling that you have. The other thing that it could be is that you just don't feel understood by the people that are around you. And what I see with a lot of my clients often is that they take things very personally when other people say and do things. And what I tell them is that 99% of the things that other people do or say.
[00:12:26] It's not about you. And if you can remember that, then the logical question to ask when they do and say things that you would otherwise feel upset about is if it's not about me, what could it be about. And that helps you to depersonalize it and to put it into perspective and maybe even look at it from their standpoint.
[00:12:51] And that's really part of emotional intelligence is that empathy where you can understand the other person. And now you've got [00:13:00] self-awareness you understand yourself? You understand the other person and you can start to bring it all together. And that's what helps you feel more connected? Because I think when you think.
[00:13:10] People don't like you, or they're saying this because they don't think you're very smart. So much of that is you're projecting your own stuff onto other people. And they probably have a very different idea than that. And you're not really checking in and remake a lot of assumptions and it gets us into a lot of trouble.
[00:13:29] And that's where we're recreating these patterns where we're feeling so alone in the world. So I would really have you work on number one, your beliefs about yourself and other people. Number two, your projections of those beliefs. Number three, like really challenging, the thoughts that you have and the stories that you tell yourself.
[00:13:49] And number four, to really try to. Think about it from their perspective and what else it might mean.
[00:13:55]Scott Maderer: [00:13:55] You can find out more about Sharon over on her website at [00:14:00] Dr. Sharon grossman.com. There you can take a free quiz. You can set up a call to find out more about. Her coaching you can find out her podcast and more about our upcoming speaking events webinars and other events like that. Obviously there's more information as well about the book and a teachable course as well, built around that 70 solution for burnout.
[00:14:22] Of course, I'll have links to all of that in the show notes. Sharon, is there anything else you'd like to share with the listener?
[00:14:26] Sharon Grossman: [00:14:27] I know that sometimes when you listen to podcasts, You feel like it's a website of conversation. And so what I encourage you to do is take some of the things that you've heard, if they resonate and think about what you're going to do with that information, because the transformation happens as a result of taking action.
[00:14:50] As a result of having more information. So I want you to really sit down and think about what am I going to take away and what am I going to start implementing so that I can start to see the [00:15:00] shifts in my life. And if you do that and you have some results, I would love to hear from you. So feel free to contact me on my website and let me know about your story.
[00:15:12] I would love to hear it and even share it.
[00:15:14]Scott Maderer: [00:15:14] thanks so much for listening to the inspired stewardship podcast as a subscriber and listener, we challenge you to not just sit back and passively listened, but act on what you've heard and find a way to live your calling. If you enjoy this episode. Please do us a favor. Go over to inspired stewardship.com/itunes rate.
[00:15:42] All one word iTunes rate. It'll take you through how to leave a rating and review and how to make sure you're subscribed to the podcast so that you can get everything episode as it comes out in your feed until next time, invest your time. [00:16:00] Your talent and your treasures develop your influence and impact the world.