Episode 864 Love Bombing Versus Loving
[00:00:00] Scott Maderer: [00:00:00] Thanks for joining me on episode 864 of the inspired stewardship podcast.
[00:00:07] Matt Ham: [00:00:07] Hey, I'm Matt ham, author of redefined rich, and I challenge you to live richly by listening to the inspired stewardship podcast with my friend Scott Maderer.
[00:00:17]Scott Maderer: [00:00:17] the gifts and the attention, and the time seems way too extravagant. If it begins to co-op your ability to spend any time with other people, they begin to work to cut off your connections to others. So you have almost no time leftover for friends or family. Then this is a sign that maybe there's a problem in this relationship.
[00:00:40] Welcome. And thank you for joining us on the inspired stewardship podcast. If you truly desire to become the person who God wants you to be, then you must learn to use your time, your talent and your treasures for your true calling and the inspired stewardship podcast. We'll learn to invest in yourself, invest in [00:01:00] others and develop your influence so that you.
[00:01:03] Can impact the world
[00:01:06]in today's episode. What about investing in others through stewarding your talent? I talk with you about what love bombing is. I share why this isn't an expression of true love. And I also talk about how you can recognize real love versus manipulation. You've heard me talk about developing your talent and what are the best ways to do that is through books.
[00:01:31] But if you're like most people today, it's hard to find the time to read. And that's why today's podcast is brought to you by audible. Go to inspired stewardship.com/audible to sign up. And you can get a 30 day free trial. There's over 180,000 titles to choose from, and you can pick one and listen your way to developing your talents via audible.
[00:01:57] That's inspired [00:02:00] stewardship.com/audible. To get your free trial and listen to great books the same way you're listening to this podcast. This week, we're talked a lot about kindness and love, but the truth is there's a thing that goes on a psychological behavior that is used by some people to manipulate other people called love bombing.
[00:02:22] And I wanted to talk a little bit about what it is because the truth is this sort of thing does happen. And in certain relationships and it can be used as a way of targeting and manipulating people. And so while we're talking about kindness and love, which is a wonderful thing and something that I think we need to concentrate on and do more of, I also want you to be aware and what to look out for when it comes to this kind of practice.
[00:02:49] Definition of love bombing simply put is overwhelming, somewhat with signs of adoration and attraction, flattering comments, tokens of affection, [00:03:00] love notes, everything to make the person overwhelmed with believing that you care for them. It often happens way quicker than you think. And it involves using this as a way of getting you to spend more and more time with the love bomber and less time with others.
[00:03:22] At some point, it may even begin to feel a little bit like this is no longer just caring for me. This is almost stalking or manipulation behavior, but they'll often gaslights you at that time and tell you that's all in your head. They just want to love you. And can't you see how much they care about you.
[00:03:41] And the truth is. Narcissist and others will do this as a way of manipulation because they use this as a way of building themselves up as the perfect partner. They want to use it to gain your trust and gain your affection. Once you see through [00:04:00] the facade, then you know, they can't really manipulate you anymore.
[00:04:03] So they use this as a way of avoiding you, seeing them as someone who just sees you as an object. And the truth is it can be done, but they do it even though they really don't necessarily care for you. They can creepily act in a way that seems as if they do. It's really normal to be able to have a relationship with someone and begin to feel like you're deep in connection to them.
[00:04:36] But think of it as normally building over time, when often in love bombing, it happens way too fast and way too deep. So that kind of manipulation is called love bombing. The truth is this, isn't an expression of kindness or love. It's an expression of manipulation. It's a way of controlling the way [00:05:00] other people think so that you can control them.
[00:05:04] You've seen examples of this, and if you follow true crime, you'll actually find examples of this, where somebody uses it as a way of using coercive control for other people. It's a way of controlling someone in a relationship. How do you recognize it? How do you see it for what it is? And you've heard me say several things throughout this, but the first thing is to have a little bit of a, if it feels too good to be true, it probably is too good to be true.
[00:05:35] If the gifts and the attention and the time seems way too extravagant. If it begins to co-op your ability to spend any time with other people, they begin to work to cut off your connections to others. So you have almost no time leftover for friends or family. Then this is a sign that maybe there's a problem.
[00:05:55] In this relationship when it moves too fast. And you've heard me talk [00:06:00] about that several times. It happens too quickly are when someone seems to be working, got it. Way too hard. If when they are talking, hold by you that maybe they're going too fast or trying too hard instead of dialing it back a little bit and giving you more time and more space.
[00:06:17] If they come on even harder and push even further and even faster. Then it could be a sign that this is manipulation. See the truth is none of this is an expression of true love. When you think about what I talked about on Tuesday with the kind of love that's patient, that's kind that doesn't have fear.
[00:06:39] This is not that this is driven out of a desperation and fear of losing control, losing the relationship, losing the connection to the other person. And when that fear happens, That it can be really hard to recognize this as that instead of actual true [00:07:00] love, but you've got to take a step back and look at it.
[00:07:03] And by the way, if you're giving kindness to others or loving to others, you need to recognize that you can't use that kindness and love as a way of manipulating them either. It has to be given unconditionally. It has to be given, not because you expect something in return, but because it's the right thing to do because you care for others and you want to support them and help them.
[00:07:28] So you do it not because you want something. But because it helps them. That is the kind of true love that doesn't lead to this kind of manipulation. Thanks for listening.
[00:07:41]Thanks so much for listening to the inspired stewardship podcast as a subscriber and listener, we challenge you to not just sit back and passively listen, but act on what you've heard and find a way to live your calling. If you liked this [00:08:00] episode on the stewardship of talent, you can go over to inspired stewardship.com/talent and sign up for our five week series on the stewardship of talent.
[00:08:12] Or if you're in the U S you can text four, four, two, two, two talent tips. That's talent tips to four four, two, two, two, and get those tips until next time. Invest your time. Your talent and your treasures develop your influence and impact the world. .