Episode 856 Invest in Yourself - Interview with Orly Wahba – Part 1
[00:00:00] Scott Maderer: [00:00:00] Thanks for joining us on episode 856 of the inspired stewardship podcast.
[00:00:07] Orly Wahba: [00:00:07] I'm Orly Wahba. I challenge you to invest in yourself, invest in others, develop your influence and impact the world by using your time, your talent and your treasures to live out. Your calling focus on kindness is a key and one way to be inspired to do that is to listen to this.
[00:00:24] The inspired stewardship podcast with my friend, Scott Maderer.
[00:00:29]it's the most ridiculous thing I ever heard in my life is that really where value is placed at it's so fake and it's such a facade, but when you're engaging in an act of kindness in that moment, you realize I didn't need to be the fastest or the smartest or the most popular or the wealthiest to make a difference.
[00:00:48] You know what I have to be. I just have to be me.
[00:00:51] Scott Maderer: [00:00:51] Welcome. And thank you for joining us on the inspired stewardship podcasts. If you truly desire to become the person who God wants you to [00:01:00] be, then you must learn to use your time, your talent and your treasures for your true calling in the inspired stewardship podcast, you will learn to invest in yourself, invest in others and develop your influence.
[00:01:13] So that you can impact the world
[00:01:17]in today's interview with Orly Wahba Arthur of the kindness, boomerang, I ask orally to share her journey overcoming adversity and how it affected her life journey. I also ask orally to share the message of our book and video, the kindness boomerang in early. And I also talk about and share with you how you can take powerful steps to be more kind to others and more kind to yourself.
[00:01:43] One reason I like to bring you great interviews. Like the one you're going to hear today is because of the power in learning from others. Another great way to learn from others is through reading books. But if you're like most people today, you find it hard to find the time to sit down and [00:02:00] read. And that's why today's podcast is brought to you by audible.
[00:02:04] Go to inspired stewardship.com/audible to sign up and you can get a 30 day free trial. There's over 180,000 titles to choose from. And instead of reading, you can listen your way to learn from some of the greatest minds out there. That's inspired stewardship.com/audible to get your free trial and listen to great books the same way you're listening to this podcast.
[00:02:32] Orly Wahba is the founder of the global nonprofit life vest inside a kindness expert, an educator, a best-selling author and entrepreneur, and a keynote speaker who inspires audiences to take action. Her talks and workshops provide the groundwork for lasting change and motivate people to become the best versions of themselves so that they can influence the world for good.
[00:02:57] Orally is also the Arthur of [00:03:00] and created the viral video, the kindness, boomerang drawing from her personal journey, groundbreaking science and her signature wit orally inspires people to tap into the power of kindness, the most underutilized skill in today's world through her talk, Orly demonstrates how kindness and a simple shift in perspective can alter the way a person connects with themselves and connects with the world around them.
[00:03:26] Welcome to the show. Orly.
[00:03:29] Orly Wahba: [00:03:29] Thank you so much, Scott, for having me. I'm really honored to be here.
[00:03:33] Scott Maderer: [00:03:33] It's awesome to have you here and. One of the things that I've looked up, I've talked to you a little bit and we've looked at, and I've seen some of your information online as well is a little bit about your own personal journey and kind of the adversity that you've overcome.
[00:03:49] Could you share a little bit more about that journey and how that's actually helped you develop your own sense of self value and self worth?
[00:03:59] Orly Wahba: [00:03:59] That's a [00:04:00] really great question. The truth is my journey begins a long time ago. It begins when I was just four years old, four year old kid that dreamed of changing the world.
[00:04:09] Now I have to tell you when you're four years old and talking about changing the world, people look at you like you're nuts. And when you're at the,
[00:04:18] Scott Maderer: [00:04:18] they
[00:04:18] Orly Wahba: [00:04:18] still they look at me even more nuts right now. But as a young kid and I really have to attest a lot of this to my dad. I love him very much for it.
[00:04:26] My dad is always a big dreamer, always bleeding that anything is possible. And every night before he would talk me into bed, he would empower me to know that there's nothing I can't do. And from a young age, seeing what was happening in the world, looking at the world and feeling pain of the world, honestly, that's something that I remember is my earliest memories, not understanding where animosity comes from.
[00:04:50] White exists, the divide between people of different races or religions or ethnicities. And I felt from a young age that I was meant to do something, to [00:05:00] bring people together in this world. And I didn't know how, and I didn't know what, but what I did know was I knew my why. And this was a very big part of my story.
[00:05:10] I remember as a kid sneaking into my brother's room and listening to the song, heal the world by Michael Jackson, one of my all time favorites. And of course as brothers sent to do, they used to make fun of me say, Oh yeah, early. Sure. Are you going to heal the world? So it was very often called naive and as a kid growing up, I had certain insecurities, just like all kids do.
[00:05:31] First off school was very difficult for me. Learning was very difficult for me. And when you're not good at something you generally don't like doing it. And when my third grade year, I was eight years old on there. I forget it. I was taken out of my class with all of my friends and put into a resource room, a much smaller group of kids, because it was hard for me to learn.
[00:05:52] And kids as they are, again, they're not mean they're not evil, but they would poke fun of me about it. And it really did get to me. Oh, you're so slow. You [00:06:00] can't learn fast. And I felt so self-conscious being there, but the truth is I'm very big believer and you'll get to hear more of this. I believe that everything happens for a reason.
[00:06:09] We don't always see it right away. Oftentimes we may never see it, but everything happens for a reason. And in my third grade year, the resource room teacher. Came in one day to class and she gave us a poem and she said, I want you to take this poem and I want you to decorate it. So I was eight years. I took it, I put it on a piece of pink construction paper, put some sparkles on it and stuff.
[00:06:32] But I also, I read it, not just once or twice, but 10 times, 50 times, a hundred times. Words of that poem have gotten me through many difficult points in my life times when I felt like I just wanted to give up. And it's a poem by Walter D Wintle. And I remember it till this day. Not because I've read it time and time again now.
[00:06:53] But I remember it from when I was eight years old and it goes as follows. It says, if you think you can't do it, [00:07:00] you can't, if you think you dare not, you don't, if you'd like to win, but you can't, it's almost a sense you won't, if you think you'll lose, you're lost for out in this world, we find success begins with the fellows.
[00:07:14] Will. It's all in a state of mind, life's battles. Don't always go to the stronger, faster man for sooner or later, the man who wins is the one who thinks he can, the one who thinks he can. And this, the words of this poem really spoke to me. And I have to give credit to a fourth grade teacher of mine who was passed at this point, who saw something in me that I didn't yet see in myself and pushed me to different levels that suddenly everything just clicked and learning just clicked in my mind.
[00:07:43] And I started moving up in my grade level. And I started building my sense of confidence and went into middle school. And middle school is a really tough time as it is, very tough time. I'm sure you remember your middle school years.
[00:07:55] Scott Maderer: [00:07:55] I taught middle school for 11
[00:07:57] Orly Wahba: [00:07:57] years. So I was a teacher.
[00:07:59] I taught middle school for [00:08:00] seven years, so all boy and I was in teaching a teacher in the same school where I was a student. So it brought back all those memories. And in my, the beginning of my seventh grade year, Imagine you leave sixth grade, you have your group of friends, you feeling really secure where you think you're feeling secure.
[00:08:15] You come in first, the seventh grade and every one of my friends just completely turned on me. It was like, you can't sit here with us at lunch. You call your friends to make plans on the weekend. Everybody's telling you they're doing something different. You end up finding out they're all hanging out together and just laughing at you behind your back.
[00:08:33] I felt so at a place in school so much so that. I would go to the nurse's office almost every day. I'd actually, they don't want to be there. I didn't feel like I belonged. And those feelings of insecurity, they followed me and they followed me into high school and high school, as it is a tough time.
[00:08:53] You're trying to figure out who you are amidst, what everybody's telling you. You should be. [00:09:00] At this point. I was so super shy. I was the kid that wouldn't even raise their hand in class shy. I always loved people always. I was the kind of kid, if you and I, if even if we didn't hang in the same crew and you're absent from school, I would be the one, copying notes for you, bring it to the next day.
[00:09:17] So I always loved people, but I was super insecure, super shy and wanting in a sense to feel accepted. And in my sophomore year of high school, probably one of the greatest things happen to me. That was also probably one of the greatest tragedies. And I know that sounds weird. How could somebody thing that's so horrible and terrible and the being, the reason why you're here and very often I find that sometimes when we are at our lowest, we're also at our highest potential we're being pushed.
[00:09:50] And it's how we respond. In the beginning of my sophomore year, we had a fire in my house and overnight my family lost everything. [00:10:00] Everything. We were okay, physically. So I have to say, thank God for that. I'm one of five siblings, so we were physically okay. But it does something to you when you're home, that places, your like safety net that you've run to when things aren't going well on the outside is suddenly gone.
[00:10:16] And all of your memories, your baby pictures your home videos, the proof that you exist, especially that age gun, and it felt. So alone, but the thing that hurt seeing my parents break down did something to me that I can't really explain. And when I saw them crying and they didn't know, I saw them, it shifted something in me and I didn't want to be a burden on them.
[00:10:42] And so I kept my emotions hidden from them. My friends didn't know what to say to me. They're going through their own stuff. So I had to hide my emotions from them. And I was a very positive person. So I came into school even the next day after the fire and I was making a joke about it. Yeah.
[00:10:54] Guys, my house burned down and I was making it like I was completely okay. Everything was [00:11:00] just as it was, but you can only put on that facade for so long. And one night I went to bed and I sorta just didn't wake up the next day. I fell into a state of really dark depression. And when I say dark, suicidal, dark.
[00:11:18] I was angry at the whole world. I was angry at my family, my friends, I was angry at God. I was angry at myself. I was just so angry. I never felt more lonely than ever, but the thing that hurt more than anything, it wasn't actually the fire. I was home from school for several months. And during that time, not one person.
[00:11:37] And now one person came to visit, not one person called to see if I was okay. And that made me feel like if I wasn't here tomorrow, would it make a difference? Anybody? Would anybody even notice, would anybody even care? And it felt like the answer was no. So I felt so invisible and I just wanted the pain to end and after, so I was forced to go back to school, but it wasn't that same kid.
[00:12:00] [00:12:00] I was that kid in the corner just dressed all in black. I didn't want to talk to anybody. I didn't care about my grades at that point. I was in the honor class and I didn't care about anything. I let everything fall. And one not so very special morning as I was getting ready to go to school, I was in the bathroom and I was looking at myself in the mirror.
[00:12:19] I always say something happens when you actually really stare and look at yourself in the mirror. I was looking at myself and the scariest thing happened for me. I didn't see me. I didn't see that four year old happy-go-lucky kid that dreamed of changing the world. And that believed that she could, I didn't see her looking back at me and that scared me.
[00:12:40] I saw shell of a person. And I said, I have no idea how I'm going to pick myself back up, not a clue, but I said, I can't let this be my end. And it was in that moment at 15 years old in the bathroom that I made a promise to myself. And to be honest, it's a promise that guided me to my seven amazing years of teaching.
[00:12:59] That [00:13:00] guided me to the nonprofit work I do with life S inside with kindness. And that honestly wakes me up every morning. And it's a promise to be there for people. The way, I just wished somebody would have been there for me and to see people the way I wish somebody would have just seen me because at the end of the day, isn't that what we all want.
[00:13:18] We just want to feel like we're seen we're heard like the fact that we're here, we make a difference in this world. And those next couple of years of high school, I was walking alone, which is not easy. I don't mind. I don't know if you remember back in high school days is sometimes hard to even walk across the lunch room alone.
[00:13:32] You know what I'm talking about? I also
[00:13:33] Scott Maderer: [00:13:33] taught high school, so not only my own years, I remember seeing it. The difference between what you remember about high school as an adult, looking back and being an adult. In a high school, I observed the way kids interact with each other as well,
[00:13:49] Orly Wahba: [00:13:49] a hundred percent see a different level, a completely different level.
[00:13:53] And so there was just walking alone, but it gave me the greatest opportunity in the world. It gave me an opportunity to do something we don't really get [00:14:00] to do as adults gave me the chance. To fall in love with me, for me, not because I was trying to impress that guy to the other one, or I was trying to be included in this group.
[00:14:08] I got a chance to actually fall in love with me, for me. And what I found is I actually found my voice. And in my senior year of high school, when we were on a seminar with all my grade, we were in a circle and the teacher, the facilitator was talking about obstacles. And so this shy or lead did something she never did before I raised my hand.
[00:14:29] And I had something to contribute. The crazy part is these kids that I used to be so super intimidated from were listening to me and then coming to me afterwards and giving me advice and asking me for advice. And what I found is that the more I gave, the more I started to heal and the more I gave, the more, a heel that I became just obsessed in love with this concept and this idea of giving.
[00:14:53] Now I've always been a giving person. But what I learned in that moment is that there are two types of giving. [00:15:00] One is very positive and one actually can be really negative and dangerous. And I know it sounds weird, right? How could giving be dangerous? But what I realized is that there's giving from a place of strength and there's giving from a place of weakness.
[00:15:13] So giving a place of strength to me comes from a sense of abundance, right? You recognize your value. Therefore, you can see the value in others you're giving, and there's no end to how much you can give, because you understand your inherent value, like a candle that can light many candles and still retain its flame.
[00:15:31] However, giving from weakness feels like sacrifice. It leaves you feeling depleted. Have you ever done something, but you end up feeling depleted as a result of it. That's giving from weakness. Now, giving from weakness does not mean your giving is fake. People get from weakness for different reasons.
[00:15:46] Maybe they want to be accepted by somebody. Maybe they're trying to impress someone. Maybe they're trying to fill a void within themselves. Maybe it's coming from a place of guilt, but these are all things that are not giving from the positive sense. And I always say that if [00:16:00] giving starts to feel like a sacrifice, stop giving to everyone else and turn the giving on yourself because the honest truth is that until you actually acknowledge and recognize your value, your inherent value.
[00:16:12] Just for you being who you are just for you being here. No one is going to be able to see it. And that's what I learned. I came to love me. And what I realized is that because I loved the me, others were able to actually love me prior to that, I was seeking the approval of others. I was trying to fill a void.
[00:16:31] When really the only person that could fill the void, it's not being accepted by, that popular kid or that group. It's actually me accepting myself in, regardless of my flaws in regardless of the mistakes I've made, actually understanding that there is inherent value in an individual.
[00:16:46] And it's for this exact reason that I decided to go on a path on this path, it was that promise. And it's why I went to go ahead and teach him in middle school. To be able to help my students see the beauty in themselves so that they [00:17:00] can begin to see it in others to help them see that we all have insecurities, whether you're the most popular kid in the class or the
[00:17:07] Scott Maderer: [00:17:07] loners, the most popular kid in
[00:17:09] Orly Wahba: [00:17:09] the class.
[00:17:11] Yeah, exactly.
[00:17:12] Scott Maderer: [00:17:12] It's true. Again, that's as an adult walking into a high school or a middle school, you often can see the level of insecurity that. To a kid you're blind to it, to it, to a kid, you see the other kid is the self-assured kid, they've got it all together. My son's a 17 year old right now, getting ready to graduate from high school.
[00:17:32] And, he's convinced that everyone else in his high school has their entire life figured out. And he's the only one that doesn't know. And I'm like, Dude, nobody else knows no one.
[00:17:41] Orly Wahba: [00:17:41] And by the way, and even when they get older, they still have no clue. It's like figuring it out hundred percent, but it's very true.
[00:17:49] That sense of feeling like you're alone, the sense of you feeling like I'm the only one in this, that's the worst feeling. But at the end of the day, I always say, yes, Every person, even the most [00:18:00] together person that you might look at as you're like a social media influencer, or, a celebrity that everybody's got insecurities.
[00:18:07] And if they tell you otherwise, they're just flat out lying to you, we all do.
[00:18:12] Scott Maderer: [00:18:12] Yeah. So let's fast forward a little bit. You've got a book out now on kindness. And then you had a video that before the book, went viral. It was, I know I've seen it online. Some of our listeners may have as well.
[00:18:26] Why is it that kindness became the message that you begin to emphasize, as you move forward out of those insecurities and into your own. Self-worth why kindness?
[00:18:37]Orly Wahba: [00:18:37] Great question. So I'll tell you, I want to give you an example here to take a look at so many of the social issues going on in today's world, right?
[00:18:46] Whether it's bullying or depression or violence, or drugs. So many people or entities approach these issues from the anti approach, [00:19:00] right? Everyone's so much anti bullying. You depression, anti-depression war anti-war drugs. Anti-drugs utilizing negativity to fight against something negative.
[00:19:10] Thinking that's going to be the solution where actually it only perpetuates the problem, right? It's a complete misunderstanding of why the problem actually exists to begin with. And the thing is we forget to ask the question of why and when we continue to ask the question of why. We find the real answer.
[00:19:29] I always tell people, I said, imagine there is a jagged metal pole sticking out of a wall and it's all rusty and it's cut. And you're in a small narrow corridor and people everyday walking by this pole and they keep cutting their leg. And on the other side of the polls, the guy putting band-aids band-aids and Neosporin get rid of the guy with the bandage, just cut the pole off of the wall.
[00:19:51] The thing is, as you and being, sometimes we tend to react. Once we see that there's an issues of posts on there saying why does it exist? [00:20:00] Why does this exist? And when we continue to ask the question of why with all of these situations, what we find is that it stems from a lack of self-value and self-worth people not recognizing that, who they are matters, that they make a difference that they're unique, insignificant, and that even though they might be one in 7 billion or 8 billion people in the world, the number that matters the most is that they're one.
[00:20:23] And why kindness kindness is in my end game. My end game is empowerment. My end game is people walking around in this world, recognizing that when they look at themselves in the mirror, that the person looking back at them is awesome and has something to contribute because there is a very big difference between arrogance and confidence.
[00:20:39] They completely opposed. They sometimes look the same. They couldn't be more further away from each other, a person that has confidence. By nature recognizes their value. Theirs therefore sees the value in others. That's why a person is confident. People always feel like why they loved by that person. They feel [00:21:00] welcomed a presence.
[00:21:01] That's arrogant. People are fearful of that person. That's the best litmus test. I always say, what does that mean? So they have an insecurity within them and therefore they're imposing these feelings or emotions or whatever it may be. In order to lift themselves up or fill that void. And people are fearful of those people.
[00:21:18] Confidence, everybody feels loved by those people. And so how do we approach this? How has kindness the tool think about this for a minute? Think about an act of kindness that you've done today. And the likelihood is you've done several. Okay. Because really kindness are the small things. They're not these larger than life things.
[00:21:36]We don't have to volunteer at a soup kitchen to be kind, you know what I'm saying can be many people that could go volunteer at a soup kitchen. They walk out and they give somebody a stair, like a look up and down. They completely destroyed the guy. Is that guy considered to be a kind person because kindness, unfortunately, people look at it as an action item.
[00:21:52] It is not an action item. It's not an item on the to-do list. It's not Oh yes, I do kindness on Mondays and Fridays four to [00:22:00] five. I'm sorry. My schedule is full this week after make an appointment the next week I'm booked for the next year. No. It's the way in which we look at the world, but he begins with the way in which we look at ourselves.
[00:22:10] And so why kindness, because when you engage in an act of kindness, how do you feel? You feel awesome. You feel worthy, you feel amazing. There's scientific evidence behind this, that when engaging in acts of kindness, not only do you increase your endorphins and your oxytocin, new, lower, your cortisol levels, the stress hormone, it brings a tremendous amount of positive feelings.
[00:22:33] But even besides that, why? Because when you're engaged in an act of kindness or an act of giving, and that moment of giving to somebody. You're being validated for the right reasons, as opposed to what society tells us should validate us. It's not about how much money we have in our bank or my friends we have and how many followers we have.
[00:22:51] And if you liked our Instagram picture, these fake numbers that are this facade that we all create, and we put so much value to them. So much [00:23:00] so that people spend loads of money to buy followers. And it was the most ridiculous thing you've ever heard. It's the most ridiculous thing I ever heard in my life is that really where value is placed, that it's so fake and it's such a facade, but when you're engaging in an act of kindness in that moment, you realize I didn't need to be the fastest or the smartest or the most popular or the, to make a difference.
[00:23:24] You know what I had to be, I just had to be me. I just had to make somebody smile at, to say a few words at, to help somebody pick something up. I had to just give somebody an embrace. I had to just be a listening ear. You just have to be you. That is the power of kindness. Kindness is the greatest and most powerful tool to empower a human being, to understand and recognize their value.
[00:23:48] And if we can do that, we're going to increase kindness in the world because. Again, if I don't understand my value, and if I don't think I'm a piece of this puzzle of life, am I going to look at you and [00:24:00] see your value? I'm not going to think that my choices matter, that my words matter, that my actions matter, because I don't even think I matter.
[00:24:06] So I'm going to say bad words too. I'm going to curse you out. I'm going to say something mean why? Cause it doesn't matter. Cause I don't matter. But if I understand that I matter inherently, then I recognize that my choices matter. Because not only will my choices dictate the life I lead. They will also dictate the lives of those who choose to follow me.
[00:24:27] And so we are much more responsible. That is the power of kindness. It is the tool to give us to, in a sense, figuring out that bottom core reason of why to prevent the issues from ever coming into existence.
[00:24:42] Scott Maderer: [00:24:42] So let's get practical for a minute. Someone's listening right now and they're hearing all of this and they're like, okay, I got it.
[00:24:48]I need to be more kind. I need to work kindness into my life, but you just said, that's also not a task oriented. It's not going to put it on my checklist and I'm going to on Thursday, I'm going to be [00:25:00] kind, how do we actually begin to grow our own kindness? If we were going to take one step today, what's the step.
[00:25:09] Orly Wahba: [00:25:09] So it's like I said, it has to begin with you. I know that sounds crazy, it sounds counter-intuitive. What do you mean though? Like kindness is for other people. We understand it that way, but really it must begin. It has to be able to begin with ourselves. It's could be as something as simple as gratitude.
[00:25:25] What do I mean by gratitude? Number one, you have to be able to look at that person at, in the mirror every single day. And begin to work on actually loving yourself, which is not an easy thing, because we tend to see our flaws. We tend to be the most self-critical right. Where we say said to tend to see what's lacking gratitude is a great way to help grow kindness.
[00:25:44] Why? Even if you, for example, if you said to yourself, okay. Each day when I wake up. Okay. Whether you write it down or whether you just say it when you wake up, the first thing that you say. If you're able to say three things and you choose the number for you, don't take my [00:26:00] word for it. You choose what's good for you.
[00:26:02] Three things that you're grateful for right away. You're going to be able to start seeing shifts because everything has to do with our mindset. We have to be able to believe that we are abundance. We have abundance. Therefore, when we're giving it's coming from a place of abundance, so actually, even though it seems like it could be, counter-intuitive the greatest way to begin a practice of kindness in your life is actually being grateful for what you have in your life.
[00:26:26] Sure. Actually coming to, to love yourself. Now you see the perfect example of this and the name of the organization is life vest inside. And if you think about a life vest for a moment, right? What happens when you're on an airplane and they tell you a, in case of an emergency and we're going down, who do they say that you should put the life vest on first?
[00:26:44] You are the kids sitting next to you? You sounds very unkind and cruel. Now they, Oh, you put on your own and then help the kid. They understand something very important. If you're going to drowned, you're not going to be able to help anybody else. You're not going to be able to, but [00:27:00] there's another part to it.
[00:27:01] And you can incorporate both parts. One is giving to yourself. You have to be able to give to yourself in terms of recognizing, acknowledging the things that you have, whether it even be doing something for yourself on a weekly basis. That is for you. I know it seems counter-intuitive, but it's very important.
[00:27:16] Then when you're going to give, you're going to feel like you're giving more from this place of abundance. Start engaging in these small acts. I'm not saying you shouldn't put it as a checklist item. The best way is even something simple as a smile, as a few kind words, recognizing, becoming aware because kindness is all about awareness.
[00:27:38]If I told you and I have these things called acts of kindness cards, okay. These are amazing. I did. I started these with my students and we have them till today on each card, it has a different act of kindness. We have them in decks of 25 cards. Every card has a different act of kindness and ideas.
[00:27:55] You take that card, you hold onto it. And when you have the opportunity to perform the act, you [00:28:00] then pass the car to somebody else, not the guy who did it for why are they important? So I can tell you small story. It was in my class one day I was giving out these cards and one of the kids got a card that said, hold a door open for someone.
[00:28:14] The next day comes into class early. You're not going to believe what happens. Craziest thing happened yesterday. I said what happened? He says the second after you gave me that card, the whole day everywhere I was walking, I saw doors that needed to be opened. There was a door and there was a door and I started laughing and I said, yeah, those doors were always there because your awareness has been increased.
[00:28:34] You now have the ability to take advantage of these opportunities, which is really why I wrote that book. Kindness, boomerang, it's a 365 page. A book one page for every day of the year. And it's meant to simply increase your awareness because if you ask anybody in this world, Scott, imagine it's going to, are you kind, do you think anybody's going to say no kindness?
[00:28:54] That's not for me. No, thank you.
[00:28:56] Scott Maderer: [00:28:56] I bet. 90 plus percent would immediately go. Oh, of
[00:28:58] Orly Wahba: [00:28:58] course, [00:29:00] of course nine, because kindness is very broad. So when you bring it in and you give, and you have these specific actions, small things that you don't even recognize that actually happened in your day. Your awareness has increased.
[00:29:12] You're actually exercising a very important muscle that we forget to exercise sometimes. And that's our eye muscle. Our eye is a muscle. We have to exercise it, to see the opportunities, to engage and to see the goodness in the world. Because unfortunately we're living in a world where media is constantly showing us negativity, because unfortunately as human beings, we're built in a way that negativity sells, what are we going to do?
[00:29:34] What are you going to do? If it bleeds, it leads. And so what happens if everybody's telling you the world is garbage and everybody's terrible, what do you start to see? You start to see the world is garbage and everybody's terrible, but really there's so much good happening in the world. The problem is that we're looking at the world through the wrong lens.
[00:29:53] We have to put on our glasses. It's we've lost our vision. And we need to put on that, that those lenses to start [00:30:00] seeing the good. And once you do so much more comes into your field of vision. So many more positive things come into your field of vision because as human beings, we're magnets and we draw to ourselves.
[00:30:12] The energy that we put out there. If you had a bet, if you had, if your day started off bad, you woke up late. You stepped in a puddle, you got to late. So to work late, your boss screamed at you. You're like, Oh my God, it's only 9:00 AM. And this is the worst day it's going to be. It's going to be one of those days, right?
[00:30:28] We say, Oh, that's going to be one of them those days. What happens if he comes one of those days, you draw it, add energy to you. So I'm not saying it's easy, cause it's not easy to break that cycle. But again, it's the muscle and it's about seeing those opportunities and then being able to take advantage of them.
[00:30:46]Scott Maderer: [00:30:46] And so I'll actually give you a a personal example. So when I was a school teacher, I was in the science fair and I continue I, for years and years, I volunteered for the state science fair. They recently moved it to another city, so it's no [00:31:00] longer I can't volunteer anymore cause it's eight hours away.
[00:31:03]But I did it for 10 years. I was, one of the key volunteers. And it was always funny to me because I would see all of these news articles even after I was a teacher, I hear people, Oh, the youth of today. Oh. Nobody, all the kids today. And I'm going to the science fairs and hanging around with 800, a thousand kids who are some of the smartest, brightest, most polite, doing incredible things.
[00:31:29]One of them invented a new kind of wheelchair. It's available today, I've seen it today and this incredible work and you're like wait a minute.
[00:31:42] Orly Wahba: [00:31:42] Am I looking at the wrong? What's going
[00:31:44] Scott Maderer: [00:31:44] on? I used to tell people, I'm like you want to dissuade yourself of that. Go volunteer at a science fair, somewhere or another group, there's other avenues, but that one was with mine.
[00:31:53] Orly Wahba: [00:31:53] If that makes, as a teacher you, when I remember it as a teacher, You come in to, to, to school? I would never, I would actually sit with the [00:32:00] kids during lunch. I wasn't, I was not a, the teacher that was hanging out with the teachers in the teacher's room and stuff like that. I love being with the kids, my kids, my students were my best friends.
[00:32:08] Really. I felt like they were my brothers and my sisters. And. You don't realize people put on these snap judgements of what a kid is. Oh, this kid is this kind of a kid. And then all of a sudden, everyone else that's around will only see a person in that specific way. We have to be so careful with our words.
[00:32:25] Our words are extremely powerful. I would say if you're going to, if you want to take on any amazing act of kindness that you want to start working on and it's not going to be easy. So I warn you from the very beginning start recognizing the things that come out of your mouth. Don't know. Do we ever notice how interesting it is?
[00:32:40] We have two eyes. We have two ears, right? Two hands, two feet, two nostrils. We only got one mouth. Isn't that interesting. It's very interesting to me. And I see that our mouth, our voice is our greatest strength in this world. It is our ability to create comes from here, right? Because we are able to [00:33:00] inspire others with our words.
[00:33:01]We can do a lot of good, but we also could do a lot of harm. So if we become mindful right in the, and our mouth, our voice is basically the connection between our mind, what we're thinking and what's in our heart and it's coming out through our mouth and the same mouth that's being used to maybe ask for good things to come into our life is the same mouth that we're using.
[00:33:20] If we curse somebody out or we say something negative, right? That's the same tool you're using the same instrument. If you're going to break it and put holes in that instrument. It's not going to be able to work for you the same kind of way. And so just by being mindful of the words that come out of your mouth and the power that they have to either build or to tear down that to me is such a huge step in.
[00:33:44] Really incorporating kindness into your life. How do you use your words to speak to people you can either, right? Cause you use your mouth breathing air, right air. How do you build up the life vest? How do you fill a life vest up? So that will keep you afloat. You blow.
[00:33:58] Scott Maderer: [00:33:58] Yup. They tell you to blow on that little thing.
[00:34:01] [00:34:00] Orly Wahba: [00:34:01] You could breathe life into somebody, fill them with love, fill them with hope, fill them with care. Or instead you can completely knock the air out of them by punching them right in the gut. So what do you want to be doing? Filling them with air. Or taking their air out and that's all comes from our mouth.
[00:34:17] Scott Maderer: [00:34:17] So one of the things that you said earlier, and I want to circle back to it and unpack it a little bit more, as you were talking about the importance of the choices that we make. And I, and you even pointed it out that most people, I think don't believe that their choices have impact or their choices worth it.
[00:34:36] I would say it's probably. No, that feeling of powerlessness is a very common one. I, one of the things that I'll actually tell when I'm working with people as a coach, I don't let people say I had to I'm like that. You're not allowed to say that it's I chose to. Exactly. Okay. I don't even care if all the other choices were terrible choices, you still have the choice [00:35:00] and you made the choice.
[00:35:01] How're you know that to recognize that. So how can we begin to recognize the power of our own choices for ourselves and for others?
[00:35:11] Orly Wahba: [00:35:11] So it's a very good question. And again, I don't want to call, I'm going to come back to the same thing that I was talking about. Again, understanding that your choices matter and actually the film kindness boring.
[00:35:22] I would ask, I would encourage those that are on that are listening and maybe haven't seen the kindness, boomerang film. It's a five minute music video and it's all based on real life experiences. I personally went through like moments that have left an impression on my life. And there are no, there's no dialogue in this film and all it is.
[00:35:41] It's an energy that's being passed from one person to the next, through their eyes because their eyes are the window to the soul. And it's one act that goes from one person to the next, and then comes back to the person that started it. Now you have to understand in our life, we don't have a video camera hanging up over above our head, or maybe we do.
[00:35:57] I don't know, but we don't get to see the fun [00:36:00] exactly. We don't get to see the final film of how the action that we put out into the world. In a sense, boomerangs back to us. Sometimes we do. Sometimes it takes a year, five years, 10 years. Sometimes you'll never ever see it, but we'll, but we have to believe what we have to understand.
[00:36:14] The purpose of that film is to recognize that when you throw something out there into the world, it creates a life of its own. And you have the ability to supercharge. Somebody think about it like this. Here's a good way to understand it. Imagine I'm walking down the street and boom, I bump into you Scott.
[00:36:31] And I say, wow, Scott, I love your haircut. It looks fantastic. What did I just do with this small compliment? I just it's as though, and you might've been going through a bad day or who knows I'd be going on. I just supercharged you, whether you cared about the column, not, I just supercharged you now as you're going to walk and you're going to bump into the next person, the likelihood is you're going to do something.
[00:36:51] That's going to supercharge them and then they're supercharging another, just see it within yourself. When somebody says something or does something that's nice to you, does it [00:37:00] matter to you? Yeah. Not only that, it's probably a story that you tell and you recount time after time. If I were to ask you, can you name a few teachers that jaded your journey through school, or think of a few people that made you feel appreciated or special, or you're going to know right away, you got the names in your head and suddenly Oh, I remember when this person did this, the things that we remember in this world, we remember those that care.
[00:37:28] Therefore the choice that they made mattered, it mattered to you. So therefore the choice that you make matters to another, there's something that I have, and it's actually meant to do exactly what we're talking about right now. It was a really cool experiment. I started this some years ago. They're called catching kindness cards.
[00:37:46] These are my favorite. How do they work? So basically when you see somebody, the purpose of them is to train you to start seeing. Opportunities for good so that you can recognize in a sense [00:38:00] choices and you can help another recognize the importance of their choices. So what happens if you see somebody doing something nice for someone else?
[00:38:07] Not for you, it's easy to see somebody do something good for you, right? If you see someone doing something nice for someone else, you pass them this card. And on the back of it, it says tag, you're it. You've just been caught doing an act of kindness. Now it's your turn to keep your eyes peeled and to catch someone else in the act.
[00:38:25] Why do I love these cards? For the person giving it, you're now working on training your eyes. You're doing an exercise for your eye actually, but the person receiving it. I remember doing this. I was on the train and there was a guy that got up for this older woman. And before I left, I gave him this card and he first looked at me like, what are you?
[00:38:43] He has nothing to do with me on the stand. He didn't get up for me. He said, w who are you? What is it? And he looked at it and as I walked up and I looked back at him and he started reading, he started to smile. And I'm going to tell you something. He had, no, he might've said, wow.
[00:38:56] Somebody was just watching me. I had no idea. I got to tell you [00:39:00] something the next time he has that opportunity. He's more likely going to take it because why he recognizes that other people. Are being inspired and impacted by him, whether for the good or for the bed. So if you recognize that your choices suddenly start becoming better choices because you can automatically see, wow, I, it's not just the choice I'm making for me.
[00:39:28] I just inspired someone else. Somebody watching me, not in a creepy sentence, but somebody just watch me engage in this. My choices really do matter. So these are some ways or some things that people can do in terms of recognizing that.
[00:39:43]Scott Maderer: [00:39:43] So you can follow orally on Twitter at life vest inside, or find out more about her on our website at life vest, inside.com. She's also active on Facebook under life vest inside, and you can find out more about the kindness, boomerang and the [00:40:00] book over at kindness, boomerang.com. And of course I'll have links to all of that over in the show notes.
[00:40:04] Orally. Is there anything else that you'd like to share with the listener?
[00:40:07] Orly Wahba: [00:40:07] I would love to actually share the YouTube channel, which is also out life S inside.com. To me, that is actually our most engaged channel. We're on YouTube. We're also on Instagram, on YouTube. I put out a weekly video called the kindness kickoff with orderly, where I do a reading from my book.
[00:40:23]Once a week and I give everybody a kindness challenge to go out there and do plus that's where you'll be able to hear about the cool video collaborations we have going on. The one that we're up to right now is called a tribute to our elders, and we put up all of those videos directly on their channel.
[00:40:37] So you'll see the kindness boomerang on there as well as loads of other inspirational films that you can use in your own way.
[00:40:43]Scott Maderer: [00:40:43] Thanks so much for listening to the inspired stewardship podcast. As a subscriber and listener, we challenge you to not just sit back and passively listen, but act on what you've heard and find a way to live your calling. [00:41:00] If you enjoy this episode please do us a favor. Go over to inspired stewardship.com/itunes rate.
[00:41:11] All one word. ITunes rate, it'll take you through how to leave a rating and review and how to make sure you're subscribed to the podcast so that you can get every episode as it comes out in your head until next time, invest your time, your talent and your treasures. Develop your influence and impact the world.