Episode 1521 Interview with Dea Irby About Creating Community to CLAIM Your People

[00:00:00] Scott Maderer: Thanks for joining us on episode 1521 of the Inspired Stewardship Podcast.

[00:00:07] Dea Irby: I'm Dea Irby. I challenge you to invest in yourself, invest in others, develop your influence, and impact the world by using your time, your talent, and your treasures to live out your calling. Having the ability to recognize that you are a gift to the world is key.

[00:00:29] And one way to be inspired to do that, is to listen to this. The Inspired Stewardship Podcast with my friend, Scott Maderer.

[00:00:46] It's all well and good if we're building community for other people, and wanting every other people to belong. But it starts with knowing that you belong to yourself. [00:01:00] You have to

[00:01:05] Scott Maderer: Welcome and thank you for joining us on the Inspired Stewardship Podcast. If you truly desire to become the person who God wants you to be, then you must learn to use your time, your talent, and your treasures for your true calling. In the Inspired Stewardship Podcast, you will learn to invest in yourself, invest in others, and develop your influence so that you can impact the world.

[00:01:40] In this podcast episode, I interview Dea Irby. I asked Dea about how she focuses on community and belonging because of her own life and journey. I also asked Dea about her messages of saves and claim. And Dea also shares how building community starts with understanding yourself. I have a great book that's been out [00:02:00] for a while now called Inspired Living.

[00:02:02] Assemble the puzzle of your calling by mastering your time, your talent, and your treasures. You can find out more about that book over at inspiredlivingbook. com. It'll take you to a page where there's information and you can sign up to get some mailings about it as well as purchase a copy there. I'd love to see you.

[00:02:22] Get a copy and share with me how it impacted your world. Originally from Mississippi, Dea Irby has lived in five southern states and in over 15 different homes, serving churches with her pastor husband, owning and operating a tea room, and now being a realtor in North Carolina. The common thread throughout her life is building real community wherever she has lived.

[00:02:45] In the home with eight children, in their churches, and in her businesses. She knows the value of belonging and understands people need to be claimed, or chosen, loved, acknowledged, invested in, and made for greatness. Dea is a published author and TEDx [00:03:00] speaker. She's a connector, a communicator, and a cultivator.

[00:03:03] And she's on a mission to help leaders know how to claim their people. Welcome to the show, Dea.

[00:03:09] Dea Irby: Thank you so much, Scott. I'm so privileged to be here. I'm excited about our time together.

[00:03:14] Scott Maderer: Thank you. Thank you for coming on. So I talked a little bit about some of the moves you've done the places you've lived and the work you've done both as a pastor and then also in the business world and, working, doing all of these different things, but I always think that intros and bios never show the whole story.

[00:03:35] Let's back up a little bit and talk a little bit about what was your journey, what brought you to this point where this is what you do, this is the message you're putting out in the world.

[00:03:44] Dea Irby: You are exactly right. I'm moving 15 times. You have to find a community wherever you are and find a sense of belonging.

[00:03:56] And the very first move we had. [00:04:00] I grew up in this small Mississippi town where everybody knew everybody. It was cheers, everybody knows your name.

[00:04:07] Scott Maderer: Only if everybody knows your business in a small town.

[00:04:10] Dea Irby: Because see, it's good that you feel known and you have an anchor. It's bad because if you get out of line, somebody's going to call your Aunt Pat, who will call your mother, and then you're in trouble.

[00:04:21] But it did keep you honest. But from that I moved away to college, which was, an hour away. Got married, we moved another 30 minutes away. All of this in Mississippi, and then after we graduated from seminary, we moved 13 hours away from anything or anybody I knew. And, in Florida, when you say, Hey, nice to meet you, I'm Dea Irby.

[00:04:45] They didn't say, Oh, I, I remember your grandfather riding a horse through the They would say And nobody would say, how's your mama, Nia? How is your mother and them? Nobody, so it was like, whoa! [00:05:00] This is how people feel if they don't belong. That, that pain of isolation. I, at that point, really began searching for what is it that helps you belong?

[00:05:16] And how do you find belonging? And Also, as we traveled around, my husband pastoring churches, his sort of focus was on either starting a church, because when that church had seven whole people in it, so we were supposed to create a community, or going to a church, one church had 17 people. We were supposed to grow it in a really small community.

[00:05:43] I know the value of belonging and building community, and I took that, I have, I feel like one of my gifts is hospitality, to help people feel welcome, to be attentive to what, where [00:06:00] they are in their life, and their needs. And that's part of it. But all of this, then the great resignation happened in the business world.

[00:06:11] Why were people leaving? If they were loyal to the company, if they felt like they belonged to the company, then why are they deserting it? Why are people just showing up being quiet quitters, barely doing their job and then disappearing? Or Working from home and not being a part of a community.

[00:06:33] That is every part of my life, including raising eight children. There was a community in the home. Just the but bottom line is If you're going to help build a community and help other people belong, you have to belong to yourself. And one of your focuses is investing in yourself. [00:07:00] And I know some of the listeners are concerned about what kind of life balance they have.

[00:07:06] You have to belong to yourself. That's understanding what your purpose is. And that sometimes that takes just some away time or morning time to just ponder. Just give yourself time to think what am I about because every person on this earth has a purpose. They're gift wrapped for the world with what they can bring to the table.

[00:07:37] And you need to find out what that is because the world is waiting and needing you to be that person. And I don't did I answer your question.

[00:07:48] Scott Maderer: On you when you talked about, focusing on community personally how did you. Why was that so important to you?[00:08:00]

[00:08:01] Dea Irby: I didn't want other people to feel the pain of not belonging that I had felt. So I knew what that was like. And that's my purpose. I found a passion for helping people feel like they belong. So I guess it's, acting in my or living in my passion.

[00:08:23] Scott Maderer: Mhm. So how w like you not belong yours of just the moving and th to a new community or in feel like you

[00:08:37] Dea Irby: didn't belo shock after I got over th

[00:08:45] Everything about the world that I understood, because I'm never, the only time I moved until I went off to college was from the back bedroom to the front bedroom. And so everybody, whatever world you experience, especially when you're [00:09:00] young, maybe up till 12 years old, that is your norm. Maybe somebody grows up and they never get corrected for anything and they think they never did anything wrong.

[00:09:15] Maybe. They are never allowed to do something. They think that's normal. Maybe the parents are always fighting or, whatever we experience, we think that is what normal is. So when we get outside of that it's a shocker wait, there's a whole new world out here and things are done differently.

[00:09:38] How do I fit into this new world I'm discovering? Does that make sense?

[00:09:44] Scott Maderer: Something else that you said, and I wanted to probe on a word that you use. So you talked about people, quiet quitting because they, they felt like they didn't belong. And the word you used was to a company.

[00:09:57] And I would wonder, is it really to a company or with a [00:10:00] company?

[00:10:01] Dea Irby: That is a great observation. Absolutely. It's with a company. Or in or a part of.

[00:10:11] Scott Maderer: Right.

[00:10:12] Dea Irby: Yes. Very good.

[00:10:14] Scott Maderer: Because I think some people do feel like they belong to the company. And that's one of the reasons they quit.

[00:10:21] Dea Irby: Okay. Okay. Yes. for that. You were intentionally listening to every preposition I used.

[00:10:31] Thank you.

[00:10:32] Scott Maderer: Words to me are very important. The words that we use because I think a lot of and back to your talking about community, a lot of times our belonging is driven by our understanding of words of. What somebody says. And what I mean by that is look at the political divide.

[00:10:50] A lot of times if you actually break it down and look at the goals that everyone says they want, every politician wants the same thing what we're really [00:11:00] arguing about is either. What does that word mean? What does community mean? What does success mean? What does or we're arguing about how do we get there?

[00:11:08] The path towards that thing. A lot of times. Yeah.

[00:11:12] Dea Irby: Which is interesting. Okay. I, as the belonging expert, have created what I consider five belonging languages. How people feel like they belong. What is it that makes somebody belong? And there, I believe there are five different Languages are ways that people and if you understand your category or your language and you can understand other people, what makes them feel like they belong, then it saves your community.

[00:11:48] That's a clue. S A V E S. Saves your community. And the first one is speech. Just like we were talking about the [00:12:00] exact words people use and you picked on it up on that And I believe that you may feel like words speech that is one of your belonging languages The a is actions Like some people like a hug you don't feel like you know You're standing around you need somebody to shake your hand or pat you on the back or bring you Hot chicken noodle soup when you're sick, whatever, actions.

[00:12:28] The V is Vibes, how people, you can walk into a room and you can feel the energy.

[00:12:36] Scott Maderer: What are the

[00:12:37] Dea Irby: vibes of the room? Is it, does it have vitality and you either connect and feel like hey these are my people or they're not. The E is Environment, which is more like feng shui. Is it

[00:12:54] Scott Maderer: comfortable?

[00:12:54] Does the space feel safe? Those sorts of things, that

[00:12:57] Dea Irby: kind of thing. And then the last S is [00:13:00] standards. Especially if you're looking for a church or something, do you agree? Or a company, what are their values? What's their mission statement? And you can, maybe everybody's. It's dull as a doorknob and there's no vitality, but their standards are what you agree with and you know you belong there.

[00:13:19] So S A V E S, your belonging languages, that saves your community.

[00:13:27] Scott Maderer: And see, for me, I would say I'm probably speech and standards and my wife is more vibes and environment.

[00:13:33] Dea Irby: Okay. Yeah. So if you understand that and you want to help people feel like they are belong, then being aware of that, like just talking to your wife and making sure you have the right agreement is not maybe going to make her feel connected as much.

[00:13:55] Scott Maderer: And it also means like when we're seeking places that we can be in community together, [00:14:00] we're looking for something that Ticks more boxes than just two, there's at least four boxes there that we need to look for. So for instance, we just recently, one

[00:14:10] Dea Irby: of them,

[00:14:11] Scott Maderer: well, and we just recently relocated and we've been looking for a new church and that is, again, that's not the framework we use, but it is in terms of, again, I would have used different words, Same idea.

[00:14:21] So does it matter that, we were looking for things that she could feel safe and she could feel that energy that she wanted to feel. But I still like, I wanted to go sit down and speak to the pastor and what are y'all actually, what is your mission? What are you doing? What are y'all's value?

[00:14:36] I wanted to know that she's I'm good. I feel it. And I'm like no, I need to talk to them.

[00:14:42] Dea Irby: Perfect example. So for anyone that's building a business or wanting to. Make the community stronger that was understanding this saves your community, understand how you feel like, everybody if you're having a staff [00:15:00] meeting, and it vibes is your thing, and all you focus on is rah.

[00:15:05] Make everybody happy. Let's go. You're leaving some

[00:15:08] Scott Maderer: people out. Probably

[00:15:09] Dea Irby: totally are. So that's why and so question. Do you feel like I've covered all the categories? You said you would have used different words, same concepts, but is there a language I might be overlooking?

[00:15:23] Scott Maderer: No, I don't. It's not that. It's just, I, again, I might've used different, I probably wouldn't have been so

[00:15:30] Dea Irby: clever.

[00:15:30] I probably

[00:15:31] Scott Maderer: wouldn't have been so clever and come up with saves as an acronym for one thing. But most of my acronyms are things like blah, blah, it doesn't make any sense. I have a really hard time coming up with clever words that make up the acronyms, but that's okay. It's okay. The concept.

[00:15:46] And again, and that people have heard before, because I talk about disc is a personality communication framework. And I talk a lot about, we focus so much on the golden rule, which is, do unto others or treat others the way you want to be treated, do unto others as you want to be [00:16:00] done unto.

[00:16:00] And I'm like, I actually think the golden rule. Is it the rule I call the platinum rule, which is do unto others the way they want to be done unto,

[00:16:09] Dea Irby: excellent, very excellent. So you don't say do unto others before they do unto you.

[00:16:14] Scott Maderer: No, I don't say that one. That's the other rule. And unfortunately, there's way too many people that seem to believe that one.

[00:16:19] So I think there's enough. I think there's enough of that in the world. I try not to do that one, but to do unto others the way they want to be done unto you actually have to understand. And. Others and you have to seek to understand others. Where the other way, the only thing you have to understand is yourself.

[00:16:35] And, like you, I'm more focused on. Do we understand others?

[00:16:40] Dea Irby: Is a big part of it. The definition of a sweater.

[00:16:44] Scott Maderer: Okay. No,

[00:16:45] Dea Irby: but a little boy wears when his mother's cold.

[00:16:48] Scott Maderer: Yeah, that's true. Yeah. Yeah. That's accurate. I have worn those for that reason.

[00:16:57] Dea Irby: So the mother needs to do unto others [00:17:00] as they would have it done, pick out a, don't make him wear a sweater if he's not,

[00:17:04] Scott Maderer: well having a son who loves cold weather and a mother and father who do not.

[00:17:10] We would we got to the point where, it's like flip flops and shorts. It's 42 degrees really son. Is that what you're going? Okay, fine. It's

[00:17:18] Dea Irby: yeah, I had one of those sons too. Yes. It's you're happy and

[00:17:21] Scott Maderer: comfortable. So let's switch gears a little bit. You mentioned pastoring your husband, pastoring churches and you being involved in church start and church plants.

[00:17:29] How do you think your faith journey and your faith? Okay. system has affected this journey that you've been on about community and belonging and these sorts of areas.

[00:17:42] Dea Irby: It's how I'm still here. There I couldn't have made this journey without my faith. There's so many times where it was only faith that took me [00:18:00] through. Talking about a move. There was one point where we were leaving one church and, we built it up, built the school up, it had a gym, all this, and my husband's not in maintenance.

[00:18:18] He's ready to, he's a pioneer, get it started and once it's there, let somebody else take over. So he was doing a shift in change and sent out a change of address cards to everybody and we're moving to the coast of Mississippi for my husband to be the athletic director at a military boarding school.

[00:18:45] Okay, that's a switch, but hey, that's what we were gonna do. I'm staying at home while he's already started the job homeschooling for kids and selling the house and then he comes home [00:19:00] with the moving van to load it up and move and he goes, oh, by the way on the way. Home, I stopped at my old alma mater, and they need a tennis coach, basketball coach, and a Bible teacher in the public school.

[00:19:16] So we're moving there.

[00:19:21] Okay. We're moving and then. If I hadn't had fate he wouldn't be around anymore.

[00:19:31] Scott Maderer: Have you ever fought enough to think about divorce? Divorce? No. Murder? Yeah. Not divorce.

[00:19:36] Dea Irby: Exactly what my aunt has said. And I took that up. But see, if you're trusting God that he knows what he's doing and you just have to say, God is bigger.

[00:19:49] All kinds of things. Happen and you just say God is bigger and that is so then you [00:20:00] again, we went to a new place, even though it was back to the state. We both swore we would never return to. Of course, that's where we went. And, and now I have the whole thing about, I have, I want to belong somewhere.

[00:20:16] I want to be able to contribute to a community, which, I got an easy pass. You come in, you're the pastor, you're the first lady, the pastor's wife. So people say, Hey, can you teach a Bible study? Hey, will you do this? Hey, and you can contribute. You don't even have to find a way to contribute. We moved to this place and I got to start all over again with a new identity.

[00:20:41] There's I'm nobody and nobody wants to hear from me. Nobody wants my contributions. If I hadn't had my relationship with God to hold me through, my faith kept me [00:21:00] alive. So every change, every step, every, especially, the Psalms, finding the Psalms and reading through the Psalms that the verse that talks about God collects our tears in his bottle.

[00:21:21] How comforting is that he sees you. There was one time during that almost moving one place and ending up moving another where I we had all the same expenses and half the income because of the job change and we had no food. And I just was crying out to God, give us this day, our daily bread.

[00:21:51] And the next morning, there was a loaf of bread in my mailbox. God was showing [00:22:00] up. And he would, he, he likes. As to look to him, to depend on him, to ask him to provide for us, to give us stability. So how does faith fit in or how does my spiritual journey fit in with all the moves and my belonging?

[00:22:24] I can make it through anything as long as I remember. I belong to Jesus and I don't, which helps and he accepts me so I can belong to myself. And then I'm free to serve other people.

[00:22:50] Scott Maderer: So when you think about

[00:22:51] one of the things you said during that was this idea of at the end of the day, you trusted God for the [00:23:00] decisions that were being made, the. We're going to move to Mississippi. Oh, no, we're not. We're going to move over here instead, decisions. How do you, because I think a lot of people of faith try to or struggle with that.

[00:23:12] How do you balance trusting God and trusting that decision with also realizing that, at the end of the day, Your people and you're making the decision yourself to, how does that tension between, am I really hearing what God is calling me for to do? Or am I putting this on, am I going somewhere and saying, Hey God, show up? Or am I saying, Hey God, where should I go? How do you balance that in your life?

[00:23:39] Dea Irby: One of the phrases or I don't know, anchors that I've hung on to. Is find out what God is doing and join him. Henry Blackaby, I think he taught that.

[00:23:52] Find out what God's doing and join him. So that's gotta be right. But also, God, if you [00:24:00] are okay, you're in a relationship with your spouse, right? And if you know your spouse, preferences, you know what what her standards are. or or he, if you're other, if I'm talking to the wife, you have your common standards.

[00:24:21] Within that realm, you're going to make decisions about what to do. If you know your wife likes the living the den. to be set up a certain way. You're not going to go out and buy a gym and put in the middle of it. You're not going to make that decision because you have a relationship.

[00:24:41] So if you are deepening your relationship with God and you're in his word and understanding what his standards are, what he wants, he has given you that wisdom. And also, lean not on my own understanding, in all my ways, I'm going to [00:25:00] acknowledge you, and you're going to show me the right path. And, we can't make a mistake, because he'll close doors, or, that's what he meant us to do anyway, and he'll, it works.

[00:25:13] Maybe we need, we go off the path and have a lesson that we learn. And then he gets us back on the path. I think, sometimes, The enemy wants us to be afraid and we can be confident that God is going to lead us because if our heart is, attuned to him, his heart will be on our heart and we'll want to do what he is guiding us to do.

[00:25:45] Did that make sense?

[00:25:48] Scott Maderer: Yeah. And I think that's you'd mentioned earlier God is bigger. And that's where I see, I think sometimes folks struggle is I see a lot of times where folks are almost I have [00:26:00] to do this to take care of what God wants. And it's wait, no, really God, if God wants that, God's going to make it happen anyway.

[00:26:07] It's. In other words, we try to put our own will on the situation in a way that can cause, again, fracturing of community, breakdown of communication, these sorts of things, as opposed to looking for ways to come together and find ways to really find what is God calling for us to do in this situation?

[00:26:31] What is the proper response?

[00:26:33] Dea Irby: Here's something that I learned during that move to it being just the coach's wife and nobody and whatever, I really did hit rock bottom, just. Emotionally, physically it was bad. And crying out to God. And, he revealed to me a very big lesson.[00:27:00]

[00:27:00] And I'm like, really? And I know you're going to be shocked at what he told me. But he said, I am not God.

[00:27:08] Scott Maderer: What?

[00:27:09] Dea Irby: What? I do not. God knows everything. He's omniscient. I am not, and I don't have to try to be. God is everywhere. I am not, and I don't have to try to be. God is all powerful. He can make stuff happen.

[00:27:30] I am not God. I'm not all powerful. I don't have to make stuff happen, and it was a real relief to realize I'm not God.

[00:27:41] I think when we get all stressed out about trying to make things happen, We think that we're supposed to be being God, instead of stepping back and saying, God is bigger. Now, that doesn't mean we go into inaction.

[00:27:56] But we do the things that God has given us wisdom and [00:28:00] ability to do and know God is bigger,

[00:28:04] Scott Maderer: right? It's and I've used this analogy before a lot of times people think that so somebody is driven. And then they hear the word contentment and they're like someone who's content can't be driven.

[00:28:15] And it's actually those are opposites driven and complacency. Okay. I'll say those are opposites. I'm very content with my life. That doesn't mean I don't want more. I don't want things to change or I don't want new opportunities or I don't want. I'm driven too, but I'm driven in a different way. It's not a driven, like more for me.

[00:28:37] I'm driven by what can I do to. Serve others to increase the community and out of that often things come to me too, but it's not I'm not about me getting it You know, i'm more about serving others that the other is more of a natural result and it that's what you're talking about is that difference between accepting being content This is where I [00:29:00] am today, and I may not even like it that much, but it is where I am today and I have to find joy in that too, you know that again, Peter, I found joy when I had everything I found joy when I had nothing because I had joy in the gospel of Christ, you know that and he wrote that while he was in prison, by the way.

[00:29:20] Dea Irby: The context. Also, another. way that, we just need to remember God is bigger. When our children got old enough to begin their adulting Or even before that they've lived on six continents. Okay.

[00:29:37] Scott Maderer: Wow.

[00:29:39] Dea Irby: So when, not

[00:29:40] Scott Maderer: Antarctica, I take it is

[00:29:43] Dea Irby: when our youngest was nine, she came up to me and said, she's eight years younger than the one next to her.

[00:29:49] She said, I don't want to move to Antarctica. Who said you have to move to Antarctica? You said all the other continents are taken, but.

[00:29:59] Scott Maderer: Smart kid, [00:30:00]

[00:30:02] Dea Irby: I had to say, God's calling them on the other side of the world and they're safer in the will of God on the other side of the world. The next to me out of the will of God.

[00:30:13] Scott Maderer: So

[00:30:14] Dea Irby: you have to go back to God is bigger. God is bigger. And that's helped me through a lot.

[00:30:25] Scott Maderer: So when you think about Let's take this to the business world for a minute. I know you also talk about another acronym and again, you're clever. You come up with all the acronyms, I don't call the claim model.

[00:30:38] Would you mind breaking that down for folks? I'll talk a little bit about that one.

[00:30:42] Dea Irby: I love talking about claim and this, how it's like, how can I succinctly communicate? how to create belonging and community. And sitting in church during worship and this came to me. People don't, they don't want to just [00:31:00] be a part of something.

[00:31:01] They want to be claimed like you. Yes, I am bringing you into us. And the letters each stand for part of that. The C stands for chosen. Who doesn't remember being in P. E. way back in elementary school when the team captain got to choose people on the team. And I don't know where you were, maybe you were the team captain.

[00:31:25] But no.

[00:31:27] Scott Maderer: I was usually the last one chosen.

[00:31:29] Dea Irby: Yes. And how did that make you feel? But if, if you ever got chosen as the team captain, that feels so good. We never give that away that, that need to feel wanted and chosen. So for a company, when you're hiring and onboarding to help people know.

[00:31:50] that you're choosing them to join and how can you create that atmosphere where going back to the languages you make sure they [00:32:00] understand your standards so they know what they're joining so you choose your people and the l is for And that's more like a safe environment. You're a leader that is approachable.

[00:32:14] People aren't afraid of you. You are leading, but there's strength in that leading that is authentic and approachable. Someone can say, Hey boss, I've got a suggestion about how to do this better. And you're like I'm not going to do that. I've always done it this way. Love. They're not going to show up at work and have a pack your bags note on their desk.

[00:32:37] The A is for acknowledgment. From that first step that a toddler takes and the crowd around them applauds. We have learned the value of, we want to be acknowledged and as you're building your company culture, what have you [00:33:00] intentionally put in there that acknowledges people, maybe not for reaching the next level, but even just for efforts or acknowledging that they're there.

[00:33:12] Do you stop and just, Say hello to the people on your team and look them in the eye. People don't look people in the eye anymore. Look them in the eye, use their name that acknowledges that you recognize their existence. And and listen, give them time. The I is investing in. How do you invest in your people?

[00:33:39] Do you provide them with the training they need to do the best job? With the equipment they need? With finances they might need to spend on things? And again, the most economical but valuable. you can invest in people is time. Do a [00:34:00] walkabout if you have a big company, a walkabout and just stop by the desk, hey, how'd your daughter's soccer game go? There. And the M is for I have three, two phrases in a word. The M is people want to know they matter. And in your company, do they feel like what they're doing, what they're contributing makes a difference. So the M is for people want to know they're going to make a difference.

[00:34:32] They're made for greatness. Every person is gift wrapped for the world. And what is the gift that they're bringing? Because the world is waiting! They're this puzzle piece in a jigsaw puzzle, and they're the only ones that can fit in that hole, and the picture isn't complete unless they're there.

[00:34:53] You can't, you can try to go in somebody else's space, but it's not gonna make the picture complete. So be [00:35:00] your puzzle piece, and all the puzzle pieces around you are happy that you're completing their picture because you're being who you're supposed to be, who you're created to be. For we are created for good works which were pro prepared before us so we can walk in them.

[00:35:19] So that's the M. It just that they matter. Somebody doesn't show up for work. Do they get a call? Maybe they call in, but do they get a check in later? Or they have something that they have to go to, they matter. Everybody wants to know that you matter, but here's the cool thing about that acrostic.

[00:35:41] If I may it is the gospel God chose us and because he loves us he acknowledges our need of a savior and he invested in us because We matter.

[00:35:59] Scott Maderer: So when you think [00:36:00] about this, model and much like the language the saves model earlier, folks in business, a lot of times

[00:36:12] as leaders in business we don't necessarily look to our people as. The big resource that they are for the business, at the end of the day what really makes a business succeed or fail is the people more often than not what do you see as the tie between building community and business and actually, the bottom line success in business, whatever they're measuring as that kind of measure of success?

[00:36:39] How do those relate to you?

[00:36:41] Dea Irby: Simply stated, belonging boosts the bottom line. When people feel like they belong, there's this statistic that the productivity is higher. I can't, the only statistic I can remember [00:37:00] is, If people feel like they belong, do you know what the decrease in sick days is?

[00:37:07] What percentage of decrease? I

[00:37:09] Scott Maderer: would guess over 60 percent. Yeah, 75

[00:37:12] Dea Irby: percent. Hello, if people are excited about work and want to come into the office, they're going to get more done or they want to be on, they can't wait for the. staff meeting and whatever, however your company works, they're going to take ownership.

[00:37:33] They're not, it's this is our company and we want to serve our community. We want to be known as the company that is of excellence or that we are, Johnny, on, we're there. If you call, we're not the ones that [00:38:00] say, I'll be in that window of eight in the morning and eight at night.

[00:38:04] Whatever it is, Then everybody's on board because it's their company and they want to be associated and Acknowledged for the good things of the company and also I mean your company like I'm a real estate agent also, so it's just me and But my company, or my clients out there, what do I do to help them?

[00:38:37] How do I focus on them? Do I make, do they know that they're claimed as Part of my business and that I have that I am providing a secure, safe, loving environment for them that I'm acknowledging that this is painful for them to move from the home they've [00:39:00] always known. And what are they going to do with all their, what, if you're in sales and it's just you, your clients that you have, make sure that you are able to communicate That they belong in your realm.

[00:39:19] Scott Maderer: Absolutely. And I think sometimes we, yeah, we forget that. So I used to work in a company, I was in leadership and I used to remind folks that although we had clients and customers outside of the company, we also had clients and customers inside of the company, that our department has to talk to another department while they're our client.

[00:39:39] And the same way we talk about treating customers and clients. That are paying us, what are you doing to treat that client? And I would say, because this company did have a very client focused culture. External clients and so I conscripted that language to remind people, but that's how we treat each other inside the company to, [00:40:00] to help them focus on.

[00:40:02] Serving and connecting with the other departments and the other groups in the company. It was, large company over 3000 employees. So it was you ended up with a lot of communication and friction and, all of those things inside the company.

[00:40:14] Dea Irby: Right.

[00:40:15] Scott Maderer: And that was a way I conscripted it.

[00:40:17] Dea Irby: Almost as big as my hometown. I grew up.

[00:40:20] Scott Maderer: Yeah, exactly. Mine too. I grew up in a town of 6, 000. That's why I knew they know your business in the small town.

[00:40:28] Dea Irby: Absolutely. Absolutely.

[00:40:30] Scott Maderer: So I've got a few questions that I like to ask all of my guests, but before I go there, is there anything else about the work that you do around community that you'd like to share with the listener?

[00:40:40] Dea Irby: Absolutely. I think that it's all well and good if we're building community for other people and wanting every other people to belong, but it starts with knowing that you belong to yourself. You have to, and let's just go through [00:41:00] claim, you have to choose yourself, which may mean Every morning, you invest some time in yourself, that that's the I, but we'll get there.

[00:41:10] You choose to say that you are important, that you have a purpose, that you choose yourself. And that doesn't mean that you're excluding other people, but if you don't choose yourself, you're not gonna have what it takes to choose anybody else. You have to love yourself. Do what and that's not pamper.

[00:41:31] That's, if you love yourself, then that may mean you're going to go to the gym get up and go to the gym before you do anything. Whatever it takes to love yourself. You're going to change your diet. You're going to eat right. You're going to get the right amount of sleep you need. You have to love yourself.

[00:41:49] Because this is the only, this is our house. This is where we live. And we have to take care of ourselves, you have to acknowledge yourself [00:42:00] and, there are lots of self affirmations, but you can, hey, I like, you did a good job handling that conversation way to go you. Or I acknowledge that I'm really tired and my resistance is low to eating that whole chocolate cake.

[00:42:19] So I, but I have to acknowledge my emotions and where I am, I invest in yourself with all the ways. This is the way I bring it. If you had a best friend, would you make sure that, and use the M also, is that you matter? Would your best friend, would you say, you matter? I'm glad you're here on the earth because you're important.

[00:42:45] Or would you say, I'm so glad that you're my best friend, and I'm gonna love you, and I'm gonna acknowledge everything that's great about you and invest time with you. The best friend that we have, that we will have [00:43:00] from the moment we're born to the moment we die is ourselves. We have to be our own best friend and always stand by ourselves.

[00:43:12] I mean with ourselves and and from that we've filled our cup or our pitcher and then we can pour out on other people. So all this, all, this is all well and good on the outside, but we can't authentically bring our best self out to build the community outside of us if we haven't claimed ourselves.

[00:43:38] Scott Maderer: Absolutely. My brand is Inspired Stewardship, and I run things through that lens of stewardship, and yet I've discovered over the years that's one of those words that can mean a lot of different things to a lot of different people. When you hear the word stewardship, what does that word mean to you?

[00:43:54] Dea Irby: It means to me that you are [00:44:00] managing something that belongs to someone else. And you're going to, you can be a good steward or a bad steward. Yes, I would say simply, you're in charge of something that belongs to someone else. And you're going to do the best that you can with it.

[00:44:24] Scott Maderer: And how is that understanding or how is that, that understanding affected you and your journey?

[00:44:31] Dea Irby: It goes back to the faith. If I understand that. My life and what I do in my life or any income I have, if everything belongs to God, because, God is bigger, everything belongs to God, then I am a steward of the gifts. He's given me. I am a steward of the time [00:45:00] he's given me. I'm a steward of.

[00:45:03] My body that he gave me parents forget that their kids belong to God and They are stewards that they are that we have to mold them and train them to follow God and be there Do not we can't decide what they're supposed to do with their lives God already did and we're there to steward their gifts and abilities and help them develop the best that they can.

[00:45:38] So that, that's how I see stewardship that when you your income, it's all God's and he asked and it's a good step of faith to tie, to give to spread it. He will give it to you [00:46:00] if he can get it through you. It increases when you give it away.

[00:46:07] Scott Maderer: One of the this is my favorite question that I like to ask everyone.

[00:46:11] So imagine for a moment that I could invent this magic machine. And with this machine, I was able to take you from where you are today and transport you into the future. Maybe 150, maybe 250 years. And through the power of this machine, you were able to look back and see your entire life, see all of the connections, see all of the ripples, see all of the impacts you've left behind.

[00:46:32] What impact do you hope you've left in the world?

[00:46:40] Dea Irby: That is a powerful question. I hope that the impact would be. and a life of faith. And I I have had almost a sneak peek of that, if I [00:47:00] may. My husband and I just celebrated our 50th wedding anniversary. And we did manage to collect all eight of our children and six of their spouses and 20 grandchildren.

[00:47:18] And when we first got married, I I wanted to do the unity candle deal. The two candles become one and then you blow out your, and you have the, a long story. We couldn't do that. So for this, I wanted to do a candle ceremony, but what was so cool was we lit the unity candle when we renewed our vows.

[00:47:45] And each of our eight children came up one at a time and lit a candle from our lit candle and they stood up at the front and they have all of those eight children. So we have shared our legacy with [00:48:00] them. Then they went out and lit the candles of each person in their family. So we had the fire department on.

[00:48:09] No, I'm just kidding.

[00:48:13] Scott Maderer: And other than burning the place down, it was a beautiful ceremony.

[00:48:17] Dea Irby: But that visual of if you are faithful to remember God is bigger and do what he's called you to do. And have that relationship with him, it will spread. So we have, and like I said, our, my husband would always say, may the pebble of your life thrown into the ocean of the world make ripples on every shore.

[00:48:48] And that's what's happening. Our kids are all over the world, leading people. Our youngest is moving to North Macedonia. [00:49:00] God is bigger. And so I had the privilege of seeing the impact of being authentically walking in faith, who God created you to be, and God will take care of the rest.

[00:49:17] Scott Maderer: So what's on the roadmap?

[00:49:18] What's coming next as you continue on your journey?

[00:49:23] Dea Irby: Doing more training and speaking. I would love to share this message with people, either to help them individually. Claim themselves or understand the belonging languages. To understand themselves better, or to help their community better, or to to come into a company and just refocus and tighten up how can you create company culture.

[00:49:58] where people feel like they [00:50:00] belong.

[00:50:03] Scott Maderer: So you can find out more about Dea Irby over at her website. It's Deairby. com and that's spelled D E A I R B Y. I'll have a link to that, of course, over in the show notes as well. Dea, is there anything else you'd like to share with the listener?

[00:50:21] Dea Irby: Stay true to yourself and always remember you belong. I did want to mention, I think you can find it on the website, if not on Amazon, I have a journal.

[00:50:34] That you can work through personal journal for claiming yourself if you want to start there. I've got that on Amazon. It's claim a journal for claiming yourself, learning to love yourself. Just put my name in. You'll find it.

[00:50:52] Scott Maderer: All right, I'll find it and put a link to that over the show notes as well.

[00:50:55] Just in case. Folks can find that over on Amazon or [00:51:00] on your website as well.

[00:51:01] Dea Irby: Awesome. Thanks, Scott. And it's been such a pleasure, and I do hope you know, listeners out there, that you matter and you are made for greatness.

[00:51:18] Scott Maderer: Awesome. Thank you.

[00:51:26] Thanks so much for listening to the Inspired Stewardship Podcast. As a subscriber and listener, we challenge you to not just sit back and passively listen. But act on what you've heard and find a way to live your calling. If you enjoyed this episode please do us a favor. Go over to inspired stewardship.

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