Episode 1310: Interview with Kim Sorrelle about Her Journey to Discover the REAL Meaning of Love

[00:00:00] Scott Maderer: Thanks for joining us on episode 1,310 of the Inspired Stewardship Podcast.

[00:00:07] Kim Sorrelle: I'm Kim Sorrelle. I challenge you to invest in yourself, invest in others, develop your influence and impact the world by using your time. Your talent and your treasures to live out your calling. Having the ability to know what love is and live, it is key and one way to be inspired to do that is to listen to this The Inspired Stewardship podcast with my good friend Scott Maderer.

[00:00:47] Scott Maderer: And

[00:00:47] Kim Sorrelle: then it hit me what Love keeps no record of wrongs means. Love that doesn't keep record of bronze just changes the narrative. It changes the tone of the story. [00:01:00] So instead of being all upset and angry, now it's just sort of this funny story that I live through. I could literally sleep anywhere in the world and be perfectly fine.

[00:01:09] Scott Maderer: Welcome and thank you for joining us on the Inspired Stewardship Podcast. If you truly desire to become the person who God wants you to be, then you must learn to use your. Your talent and your treasures for your true calling. In the Inspired Stewardship Podcast, you will learn to invest in yourself, invest in others, and develop your influence so that you can impact the world.

[00:01:40] In today's interview with Kim Sorell, I asked Kim to share with you how she decided to spend a year studying love so that she could then write a book about. I also ask Kim to share some of the most surprising things she discovered during this journey, and Kim also talks with you about her continued work to challenge others to discover the true meaning of [00:02:00] love as well.

[00:02:01] One reason I like to bring you great interviews like the one you're gonna hear today is because of the power in learning from others. Another great way to learn from others is through reading. But if you're like most people today, you find it hard to find the time to sit down and read, and that's why today's podcast is brought to you by Audible.

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[00:02:50] Kim Sorrelle is the director of a humanitarian organization, a popular speaker, and the author of two books. Her first book, crying until You Laugh, is about her and her [00:03:00] husband's battle with cancer after being diagnosed just four months apart. Her second book Love is Chronicles her yearlong quest to figure out the true meaning of love.

[00:03:10] Sometimes funny, sometimes scary, but always enlightening journey that led to life-changing discoveries found mostly while she spent time on the streets of Haiti. Welcome to the show,

[00:03:21] Kim Sorrelle: Kim. Thank you so much, Scott. I'm thrilled to be here.

[00:03:26] Scott Maderer: Absolutely. So we shared a little bit in the intro about some of the work you've done and now being a speaker and Arthur and the books that you've been putting out.

[00:03:35] But tell me a little bit more about your journey and what actually brought you to the point of putting out. A book about love?

[00:03:45] Kim Sorrelle: There were two things that happened actually. One is I was diagnosed with breast cancer and four months later my husband was diagnosed with. Pancreatic cancer, and he passed away six weeks after that.

[00:03:57] And man, I love that guy and [00:04:00] I wanted to do everything I could to honor him. And so I wanted to make sure I was living life the right way, and I wanted to make sure I knew what love was, what love really is. John says, God is love. Not that God loves, but God is love. So if you live. If you live love, then you must be living the right way.

[00:04:21] And so I was looking into it. I couldn't really find anything, so I decided I was gonna tackle this and go on this year long journey to figure out the true meaning of love, which is amazing. And the other thing that brought me to it was I'd heard about a man who was writing a book about living a year like Jesus.

[00:04:40] I couldn't wait to read it, right? Like it would transform your life. And it was more about the physical, the wearing sandals, having a drink at a bar with strangers. And after reading it, I thought, guy, how would I write that differently? What would I do differently? And God is love. So those things coupled together led me to [00:05:00] commit an entire year of my life, which is, it's hard for me to commit to an entree when I go out for dinner.

[00:05:06] So committing a year was a big, So when

[00:05:09] Scott Maderer: you say you took a year to, to study love to find out more about it. What does that consist of? Did you know, did you climb up to the top of a mountain and sit in the lotus position like a guru? What did you do to find out more about love over a year?

[00:05:25] Kim Sorrelle: Yeah. I used. First Corinthians 13, and I decided I would take one word a month, and the majority of the time I was working on it, I was in Haiti. And so I just looked for it everywhere. So the beginning of that year, I just was like, okay, love his patient. Love his patient, and just kept looking for it and looking for it.

[00:05:47] And. What about my daily life while I'm looking for it, I've got a nonprofit. We do work in Haiti, and I have to say though, it took the entire month, [00:06:00] every single month. Like it seems so simple, but it was the entire month, and then God would have to hit me over the head with something big at the end of the month and go, Kim, I've been trying to show you.

[00:06:10] This is what it is. That was the process.

[00:06:14] Scott Maderer: Yeah. So you broke down each of the words and you were looking for just examples of it and how it was showing up in your life. Do you have what's one of 'em that kind of really and I'm sure the answer is all of 'em you have an example of one that really surprised you or snuck up on you in a

[00:06:31] Kim Sorrelle: way.

[00:06:31] The very first one right out of the gate, love is patient. It surprised me because it wasn't at all what I expected it to be. We know what patience is, right? You're not mad because your eight year old can't find his shoes and you're on the, you're way out the door and you're just fooling it and keeping things patient.

[00:06:50] But I figured out that if you put love is, or love is not in front of any word, it changes the meaning. Love is patient is we're supposed to [00:07:00] love everybody. So whoever you're with to show love that is patient, you recognize that this is the most important moment of your life. What's in the past is in the past, what's in the future is yet to come and showing love that is patient.

[00:07:13] You are 100% here, fully engaged. You're not thinking about like I used to do, like I. Don't get this. When I figured this out, I had to practice and practice this because I would be talking to somebody and be thinking about a meeting I had later who had to get to soccer practice, what I had to get from the grocery store, and think that I was loving the person and bullying and get listening to their words.

[00:07:38] And I was not. I was not. So I've had to practice, and and practice, and the most amazing thing happened is when I do. Now practicing love that is patient and I am fully present, fully there. I hear things I never would've heard. I hear what's actually being said instead of what I'm assuming is [00:08:00] being said.

[00:08:00] And it changed that alone. If that's all I learned, that alone changed my life.

[00:08:06] Scott Maderer: Yeah it's interesting, but a lot of times when we're listening to someone, What we're really doing is listening for a pause so that we can interject what we wanted to say. Have they taken a breath yet? Have they taken a breath yet?

[00:08:20] Or at least that's what I used to do. I've learned to be a little better at it. I won't claim to be perfect, but a little better at it. You've, you mentioned you use First Corinthians 13 as a bouncing off point. Talk a little bit, go back in time a little bit and talk a little bit about your faith journey and What you went through and then how did that show up as you were working through

[00:08:40] Kim Sorrelle: all of.

[00:08:40] I was raised knowing God, and so I was raised Catholic and then went to an Assembly of God church for years, went to a non-denominational church. I love my background because I'm comfortable in any church in the entire world, and non-Catholics aren't [00:09:00] necessarily comfortable at Catholic churches and Catholics aren't necessarily comfortable at non-Catholic churches.

[00:09:05] And so I got it all, and My parents from the very beginning God was the most important thing in our lives, and it's what we were taught and what we knew and what got into my heart and my soul. And so I've just walked the walk and lived my life to please the Lord in every way that I can.

[00:09:28] Scott Maderer: So as you went through you mentioned losing your husband and those challenges that came. And dealing with grief how did the, how did your relationship with God help you with that or change through that? I I hesitate to put any language on it cuz I don't wanna say what happened, but yeah.

[00:09:50] Generally when things like that happen it makes us reflect on our face. So how did that play out for

[00:09:55] Kim Sorrelle: you? Yeah absolutely. It makes you reflect on your [00:10:00] faith for sure, and leaning on God. You realize that's the thing to do. And if you weren't before, There's a lot of people that have a little come to Jesus moment when they are facing death or facing a diagnosis.

[00:10:13] And but we had all to come to Jesus moments already. We'd already come to Jesus. And so my husband was just this faithful, incredible man who was on his face before God. Every morning at five o'clock, he'd get up and read the Bible and read a devotional and pray, and he was just faithful guy who chased God wanted more his whole life, or not his whole life from the time he was 17 or so on, but he, he was such a great example for me and I wanted the same.

[00:10:47] And so when we got my husband's diagnosis, when we got my diagnosis, of course we prayed. Lord, make it okay. But when we got my husband's diagnosis, pancreatic cancer, [00:11:00] Something you don't survive, there's no cure for it. And we knew that his time on earth was limited. And so walking out at the doctor's office, our prayer was Lord e either heal him like you did, the lame and the blind, and the deaf, or the greatest, most wonderful healing of.

[00:11:23] But please don't let him suffer. And God honored that prayer and he passed away six weeks in, but we had a great six weeks together. He was not in pain. We had great hospice and so we, we had a great six weeks together and it wasn't until the very end that, that he experienced pain.

[00:11:46] Scott Maderer: Yeah, that being able to lean on God in that time, I'm sure at it's both hard and comforting.

[00:11:53] I it with those sorts of challenges that come I think I'd be [00:12:00] remiss. Let me ask you another question about love, and I'm a big believer in defining things. I love asking people to define words. For you with the work that you did, what, how would you define love?

[00:12:14] What? What is love?

[00:12:15] Kim Sorrelle: God is love, right? Not that God loves, but God is love. The love is something that we are we are love. It embodies us how we choose to walk. It is up to us. But love isn't something that you hang up in the closet when you get home from. It is something that is with you always, and love is who you are.

[00:12:39] Love is who you are.

[00:12:42] Scott Maderer: So what's something that surprised you a great deal when you were working through all of this?

[00:12:48] Kim Sorrelle: The word that I dreaded the most in that verse is love keeps no record of. Because I thought shoot we might forgive people, but we don't forget the things that [00:13:00] happened to.

[00:13:01] And that month I had a gentleman from the US ask if I would show him a water project I was working on in Haiti. And I said, sure. We came over with seven other guys. So eight men came from the us. They arranged for where we were gonna stay out in the countryside. And we got there. I brought two Haitian friends along who both to be men, to translate, and they'd been working on the water project, so they knew it inside and out.

[00:13:25] So we get to where we're staying and it's this little building with two. And each room has four twin sized beds. So eight American men, two Haitian men and me. But we brought two cots in an air mattress. So I'm thinking, ah, we can rearrange things. Everything will be okay. We know sooner. Get there. And the head guy who had contacted me from the US calls me, hi, Kim.

[00:13:48] Kim, can I talk to? And I'm like, sure. And he said, did you see the. And I'm thinking, buddy, there is nothing else to see. And then I thought, oh, he's gonna think I want my own [00:14:00] room. So I'll just say it's okay, I'll sleep outside. And then he'll say, oh no. If anyone should sleep inside, it should be you.

[00:14:06] And I'll say I don't care if there's other people in the room. And he'll say because there's only so much space. So I said it's okay, I'll sleep outside. And he said, oh good. Because we have men on this trip that would not be comfortable with a woman in their room. And I thought, what is gonna happen in hot Haiti where you only go in the room to sleep?

[00:14:29] That's the only reason you even go into the room is to sleep. What is possibly gonna happen in the middle of the night that I can't have a bed in the corner of the room, but I said I would sleep outside, so I had to figure it out. I saw this piece of plywood and it was held up by this sort of couple wooden structures, and so I thought if I sleep under there, At least I won't get wet.

[00:14:53] So first night I put my air mattress under there. It hauled air for about an hour. So then I'm laying on [00:15:00] gravel, and it was so loud. Dogs were barking and horns were honking. And finally that died down probably sometime after midnight. Then in a little while, voodoo drums started in the distance, and that kept me awake for a couple hours.

[00:15:15] And then finally I was able to doze off and get some sleep. Sleeping outside scared me like nothing else because there are snakes. And there are tarantulas and there are Tupac cobras, or whatever it is that's lurking in the bushes of Haiti. And I was so afraid of something biting me, Maming me, dismembering me, I didn't know. So first night though, came and went without incident. Always. Second night, same thing. No air. I'm unravel the dog's, the horns of voodoo drums. Finally, I'm sleeping, but I woke up because there was something on my leg and I was so afraid. I'm like, Lord Jesus, what could this possibly be? [00:16:00] Does Haiti even have the anti-venom to whatever it is that's about to bite me?

[00:16:04] Can they airlift me in time to Miami to save my limbs? I didn't know what was gonna happen, so I slowly. Lifted my head and I slowly opened my eyes and it was a chicken. There was a chicken on my leg and I didn't know whether to be mad because it woke me up from the little bit of sleep I was getting or happy because it wasn't something so much worse.

[00:16:28] So third night came and went everything fine. Fourth night same thing. I'm on the gravel, the dogs of horns, booty drums, finally asleep. But again, I woke up because there was something at my. And again, I was so afraid. And again, I slowly lifted my head and I slowly opened my eyes and again, it was the dang chicken.

[00:16:52] And again, I didn't pleasure

[00:16:54] Scott Maderer: to sleep last night.

[00:16:55] Kim Sorrelle: I know every other night you left me to sleep. Very other, but I'll tell [00:17:00] you what the good news is. Maybe it's good news. We had chicken for dinner that night. Oh, so the fifth night came and went without incident. Always. Well,

[00:17:11] and I have to say at first I was bitter.

[00:17:14] I was mad. I thought, man, I hope my sons wouldn't treat a woman like this. Cuz it wasn't even about equality. I'm all about equality, whatever, but I'm still a woman and I'm still a human being. And it was being treated as less than like these guys, they, because they're men, they get to sleep at the inside cuz I'm a woman, I have to sleep outside.

[00:17:37] Like just, it just didn't ring right with me at all. I was upset and then I thought bitterness only hurts me. They are not even gonna know I'm mad so I can't stay better. That'd be silly. And then it hit me what love keeps no record of wrongs means. So instead [00:18:00] of. These rotten guys that did this rotten thing to me, love that doesn't keep record of Ron's just changes the narrative.

[00:18:07] It changes the tone of the story. So instead of being all upset and angry, now it's just of this funny story that I lived through. I could literally sleep anywhere in the world and be perfectly fine. And so that's what it does, and we get to pick the. We get to pick the tone. If there's two people in the same traffic jam, one guy might be in his car honking his horn and stomping his feet and yelling out the window, and his blood pressure's rising and he is all mad.

[00:18:36] Next car over guy might be going, wow I'm in this traffic jam, I'm stuck here. I love Scott's podcast. I think I'll just turn that on and chill. So they're faced with the very same thing. Going around on around them, right? But two totally different reactions because we choose that, right?

[00:18:57] We choose the tone, we choose the narrative. [00:19:00] So even things that have happened in the past, you can look at 'em a different way because love does forgive, but love doesn't hold grudges and be embittered. So that's love That doesn't keep rocket of.

[00:19:15] Scott Maderer: It's not even necessarily quote, forgetting either.

[00:19:18] It's, but like you said, it's reframing it in a way that it's oh wait, it's no longer about. What I thought it was about, it's it's about sleeping outside with the chicken. Which is a funny story and the chicken probably sat there going there's this nice shelter here. I just, I'd get outta the rain.

[00:19:36] That's right. But yeah. But I think that's a good. I talk a lot about reframing and the idea of look, you can look at the same situation and you can choose to look at it a different way. I, my favorite example is driving you're driving and somebody cuts you off and.

[00:19:53] Our instinctive, almost natural reaction is anger. How dare they cut me off? And it's like really, [00:20:00] truly, probably the person either didn't see you or was in a hurry or had nothing to do with you. They did not drive down the road and go, Hey, you know what I'm gonna do today? I'm gonna cut Scott off.

[00:20:12] Really ruined his day. He did not enter the, and can we ascribe that sort of a tent to people that some. Oftentimes people are just doing the best they can in a bad situation too.

[00:20:25] Kim Sorrelle: Yeah. It's so true. It's so true. And who knows what's going on in their life, right? The person that hits you with the cart in the grocery store or whatever bumps into you, it's who knows what's going on.

[00:20:37] Maybe they just lost somebody. Maybe they're on in a hurry because their wife's gonna have a baby. Who, who knows? Or they're distracted because of something, and. And they

[00:20:47] Scott Maderer: can't see well

[00:20:47] Kim Sorrelle: or you can't see maybe shouldn't be driving cuz they can't see. I don't know. But they have a license, so they're driving.

[00:20:54] But yes we do get to pick how we react and we can, we [00:21:00] wanna, we want people to show us grace, so we need to be willing to show other people praise at the same

[00:21:06] Scott Maderer: time. Yeah. And it's so much easier when it's the things we do because we know our own. But we don't know other people's, right? No. We can't see into their heart and know what's behind the action.

[00:21:19] We just see the action. And so it's easier to misjudge, I guess is the word I want to use other people's actions sometimes and given an intent that's, again, thank we have that in couples, all the situation. I know that's what I said, but that's not what I meant.

[00:21:38] Kim Sorrelle: That's right.

[00:21:39] Especially with text. Were you're not even hearing voice inflections or anything, or email. Yeah. You can totally misunderstand. Yes. Yeah so true.

[00:21:48] Scott Maderer: That that's a great story and I'm sorry that the chicken didn't make it through, but I'm glad you got some sleep on the third or fourth night whenever the chicken became [00:22:00] chicken soup.

[00:22:00] So I've got a few questions that I'd like to ask all of my guests, but before I go there, is there anything else about. The book or the work that you've done that you'd like to share with the listener?

[00:22:11] Kim Sorrelle: Yeah. I learned some things about love that I've been taught wrong about love like that love's a two-way street.

[00:22:20] And love is not a two-way street. It's not. Love is 100% up to you. You know we have no control over anybody but ourselves. Zero control, right? You bring the baby home from the hospital and you decide when the baby eats. You've got total control. You decide when you get the baby out of the crib. You decide when the baby's changed.

[00:22:38] When the baby has a bath. 6, 7, 8 months later, all of your Tupperware is all over your kitchen floor, and pots and pants are banging everywhere and you realize you have lost all control, and I promise you, you'll never get it back again. We only control ourselves. So love never gives love to get love in [00:23:00] return.

[00:23:00] That's a transaction. That's like buying a pair of jeans. I give you money, you gimme jeans. Love is not a transaction. Love is on you. You give love because that's what love does. Love that.

[00:23:13] Scott Maderer: My brand is inspired stewardship, and I run things through that lens of that word stewardship, but like love, that's a word that a lot of people use it, but people mean totally different things when they use it.

[00:23:27] So when you hear the word stewardship, what does that word mean to you and how has it shown up in.

[00:23:32] Kim Sorrelle: What it means to me is that I'm blessed with everybody else's we're here today, we're breathing if you're listening, you're breathing right. You're living. And so we're blessed with this life.

[00:23:47] And then it's up to us to make the most out of it, to do the best with it. And so with our time, it's important. Be good stewards and [00:24:00] do what we can with our time, with our money to give and just to be a good human being and do what you can to further the kingdom and love each other, and that is good stewardship.

[00:24:18] Scott Maderer: This is my favorite question that I like to ask everybody. Imagine for a minute. I invented this magic machine and I was able to pluck you from where you are today and transport you into the future, maybe 150, 200 years. And through the power of this machine, you were able to look back and see your entire life and all of the ripples, all of the connections, all of the impacts you've left behind.

[00:24:40] What impact do you hope you've had in the world?

[00:24:42] Kim Sorrelle: I hope that, People learn from what I learned about love and that people look at love a different way, because I really believe it's life changing. When you really understand what love is and then live it, it changes your life and it can change the [00:25:00] world because soon as we change, there's a ripple effect to it, right?

[00:25:04] Love is this incredible thing. Yeah, you don't give it to get it, but it has an incredible way of always coming back to you. God does cool things like that, and love is God. So love does cool things like that. So I hope that's my impact on the world is enlightening people on what love really is.

[00:25:27] Scott Maderer: So what's coming next? What's on the roadmap for the rest of this?

[00:25:31] Kim Sorrelle: I am going to be hosting a TV show. I have I was approached by a network and they have no Christian programming. And they're realizing that they're losing a lot of viewers because they don't have any Christian programming. And so they want a Christian talk show.

[00:25:49] So it'll be a weekly talk show, seven o'clock on Wednesday nights, on a few different platforms on Amazon Fire, Spotify, tv, some other places. And the name of it [00:26:00] is Heart and Soul with Kim Crell. And I'll be interviewing people and we'll be having fun and. Talking some Jesus and loving on each other.

[00:26:11] Scott Maderer: Awesome. That is, that's really fun. And you said it's on, it'll be on Amazon and Spotify.

[00:26:20] Kim Sorrelle: Spotify. Yeah. And a few others. I should probably get the list so I can love When is it coming out? It's coming out in April. April,

[00:26:28] Scott Maderer: okay. Awesome. I will try to look that up and put a link to that over in the show notes as well, cuz that or if you can send me the link that I'll put that over there cuz that would be fun for folks to check out.

[00:26:38] Oh

[00:26:38] Kim Sorrelle: great. Great. Thank.

[00:26:44] Scott Maderer: You can find out more about Kim and her books and the other work she does over on her website@kimsorell.com. That's Kim k i m s o r e l e.com. Kim, is there anything else you'd like to share with [00:27:00] the

[00:27:00] Kim Sorrelle: listener? I just wanna say, Scott, first of all, thank you so much for having me on your show. I appreciate you so much.

[00:27:08] Your podcast should be on everybody's podcast list. You share such great wisdom and wonderful things and in a really fun way and make it so enjoyable to listen to. And I just really appreciate you and. Thank you so much for this opportunity and everybody, love everybody. That's the key. Just love everybody.

[00:27:31] Scott Maderer: Thank you so much Kim. I appreciate the compliment and I agree. I think if we would figure out a way to be able to be more loving, it would just help all of us so much each other as well as the whole world.

[00:27:43] Kim Sorrelle: For

[00:27:43] Scott Maderer: sure.

[00:27:50] Thanks so much for listening to the Inspired Stewardship Podcast. As a subscriber and listener, we challenge you to not just sit back and passively [00:28:00] listen, but act on what you've heard and find a way to live your calling. If you enjoyed this, Please. Please do us a favor. Go over to inspired stewardship.com/itunes.

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