Episode 1300: Interview with Jackie Bailey from Speak Feed Lead

[00:00:00] Scott Maderer: Thanks for joining us on episode 1,300 of the Inspired Stewardship Podcast.

[00:00:07] Jackie Bailey: Hey everyone. I'm Jackie Bailey. I challenge you to invest in yourself, to invest in others, develop your influence and impact the world by using your time, your talent, and your treasures to live out your calling. Having the ability to be empowered to speak up and share your story is, And one way to be inspired to do that is to listen to this, the Inspired Stewardship podcast with my friend Scott Mader.

[00:00:46] Right now, we're telling our kids that they are, they should not be happy with who they are. And so I hope that the impact. Of what we do is that we help kids feel the love [00:01:00] of whatever that heavily source is that we recognize. And that they will speak out and that they will understand the value they have no matter their age and no matter their inexperience.

[00:01:11] Scott Maderer: Welcome and thank you for joining us on the Inspired Stewardship Podcast. If you truly desire to become the person who God wants you to be, then you must learn to use your time, your talent, and your treasures for your true. In the Inspired Stewardship podcast, you'll learn to invest in yourself, invest in others, and develop your influence so that you can impact the world.

[00:01:42] In today's podcast episode, I interview Jackie Bailey. Jackie shares with you how she came to found the organization, speak, feed, lead, so that she can help kids find their voice. I also ask Jackie to share with you how you can find your own voice in [00:02:00] story, and Jackie also talks about how self-centered means something different in her leadership book.

[00:02:06] One reason I like to bring you great interviews, like the one you're gonna hear today is because of the power in learning from. Another great way to learn from others is through reading books. But if you're like most people today, you find it hard to find the time to sit down and read, and that's why today's podcast is brought to you by Audible.

[00:02:27] Go to inspired stewardship.com/audible to sign up and you can get a 30 day free trial. There's over 180,000 titles to choose from, and instead of reading, you can listen your way to learn from some of the greatest minds out there. That's inspired stewardship.com/audible to get your free trial and listen to great books the same way you're listening to this podcast.

[00:02:55] Bailey, you're listening to this podcast, the Speak Feed Lead public speaking studio in [00:03:00] Redmond, Washington, and is the founder and executive director of the Speak Feed Lead Project, a nonprofit with a mission to empower children, teens, and adults with public speaking skills. Jackie is the author of Self-Centered Leadership Becoming Influential, intentional, and Exceptional, which was publish.

[00:03:17] 2014. She's also a 2015 semi-finalist in the World Championship of Public Speaking. Placing her in the top 98 speakers from amongst 33,000 competitors from voiceless victim to Master of Message is a presentation in which Jackie shares her survival and triumph over childhood sexual abuse by using her voice and discovering her.

[00:03:42] Today Jackie is known as the Conversation Coach for Kids. Since she has developed a curriculum four and teaches courses, camps, and workshops to children, teens, and young adults to empower their public speaking confidence. Welcome to the show, Jackie.

[00:03:57] Jackie Bailey: Thank you so much, Scott. This is [00:04:00] delightful.

[00:04:00] Scott Maderer: It's great to have you here.

[00:04:02] And we talked a little bit in the intro. You've had a pretty interesting story, a pretty interesting journey throughout your life. Can you talk a little bit more about your journey, your experience and what, how that led you to where you are today with working with kids and adults on their speaking and the books and the other work that you're.

[00:04:25] Jackie Bailey: Oh, I would be happy to. It's not necessarily a happy beginning, but it's definitely an inspiring end, although it's not, of course, the end. But if you were with me in my bedroom at night when I was around the age of 10, and throughout most of my childhood, you would've heard his ankles cracking in the hallway outside my room as my older brother.

[00:04:51] Would approach and I would pray, please God, don't let it happen again. But after it was done, [00:05:00] then he'd always say what he always did. Which is don't tell anyone. And those three little words crush the spirit of that 10 year old girl as well as every time it happened throughout my childhood and so forth.

[00:05:14] And I remained silent. I didn't say anything. I wasn't even sure how I would describe it or what I would say about it. And there was really no one to actually tell. And. So I stayed that silent little girl and I was afraid to initiate conversation with people because there was always this fear of, what if I say something I'm not supposed to say?

[00:05:37] And it wasn't until I was a grown woman and I had two children and married when that sibling of mine actually got married and they had a baby. And that's set me into crisis mode emotionally because I recognize that my silence all these [00:06:00] years now could not continue if I were to stop another child from being abused, I had to say something.

[00:06:09] And as easy as that might sound, boy, I had a lot to risk by saying something at that point because as I said, nobody knew about it. And I didn't know people would believe me and I didn't know if my husband would see how truly ugly I felt I was inside and not want to stay married to me any longer.

[00:06:30] And what if they didn't believe me and they thought I was crazy and tried to take my kids away from me. So I had all these things. Probably illogical thoughts going on in my head about what could possibly happen, but I was still living in that mode of being a child and being silenced. And so that's where it was in my emotions, my emotional state.

[00:06:52] And so then I started thinking yeah, but could I live with myself not saying anything and allowing this child to be Abu abused, taken [00:07:00] advantage of? And I decided, no, I did. I couldn't. So then I. Thought, thought maybe suicide's the best option for me. I wouldn't have to say anything. I wouldn't have to live with anything.

[00:07:10] I could just crawl under a rock and be gone. . But what I discovered is that I actually loved my kids and needed to protect them more than I hated myself. So I used three little words to combat those first little words, which were, I have a secret, and I started to break that silence. With people I felt would be most likely believing of me.

[00:07:36] And I started with that low hanging fruit and progressed from there. I started seeing a therapist and on that very first day I met her and I spilled my guts about my entire history. She asked me this question that was laughable. She. If I felt I could forgive and it [00:08:00] seemed so impossible to me in that moment.

[00:08:03] It was almost like she was asking me to pick up a truck and throw it across the road. That's how impossible it felt. To, to actually forgive in that moment of this sheer emotional crisis. But she said something really amazing. She said, you don't have to forgive today. You don't have to forgive tomorrow or next year, 20 years from now, 40 years, or even before you die.

[00:08:27] She said, but I can tell you that if you aren't working toward the possibility of doing that someday, you're not gonna fully heal. Great words of wisdom. And they helped me realize, okay, I have something to work for besides the healing. There's an ultimate outcome. That I could work toward, and that is being able to possibly reach that pinnacle of healing, which is forgiveness.

[00:08:52] At that point it was hard to see, but so her words were wise. They were genius and brilliant. And so that's what kept me [00:09:00] going. And I started to really believe that if I lived through this, I was gonna be a strong person and I was going to be able to accomplish that. There was a point in my healing when, after I had written a letter, Address to my sibling abuser about what had happened to me, what he had done to me.

[00:09:17] There was a point when she asked me if I could sit in front of him and read it to him. Yikes. . That was a scary thought. But again, I felt like if I was strong and I could do that, wow, that would be amazing for me. I feel like I would get over another mountain. And so I did, I was able to do that and I, I read that letter to him, with him right there and a friend sitting next to me with for support.

[00:09:44] And what I learned in that, Scott, is that he actually had at one point confessed to three different clergy members. And every one of them. Because of [00:10:00] the circumstances that it would happen late at night while I was asleep. It was understood by them that I didn't know. And so no one came to me and asked me about it, but they essentially said to him you're forgiven if she doesn't know about it, no harm done. And I had compassion on him at that time. I, because I felt like I believed him and I felt that he had tried to remedy this. Whatever way he could. He was a young person too, right?

[00:10:27] So he was trying to do the right thing, and yet he was told three different times, you're done, but good for you. Yay. No harm. No doubt. Exactly. But no one ever questioned me about it. So I felt we were both underserved or not served at all by the circumstance. And so I actually developed some compassion for him that.

[00:10:47] Consider whatever come about. And that then was that next step to getting to a point where I could actually forgive. I could see now a clearer light and path [00:11:00] toward that end. And it was several years after that we'd moved away and my husband asked me one day if he felt that I had forgiven my brother.

[00:11:10] And as I thought about it for a moment, I didn't have anger. I didn't have any fear. I didn't have any as animosity toward him at all. And so I thought, you know what? I think I have I do, I feel like I've reached that point. And so his next question to me was does he know ? Oh,

[00:11:33] All right. Okay. No, I'm certain he doesn't. Those three little words came, those miraculous. Three little words I flew back to say to him is what really opened the prison for both of us is that I said, I forgive you face-to-face to him. And I didn't realize what a horrific situation he was in. He'd been in and out of jail for.

[00:11:57] Crimes similar to the ones he had [00:12:00] perpetrated on me and he couldn't keep his marriage. He had three children now out of wedlock. And he was just having a miserable time. And so I didn't realize that at some point during my healing process, the tables are turned and I had become the person with the power and I was holding that power over him. Because until he. Someone could forgive him. Me. That was that someone that could forgive him, then he couldn't progress. Now he may not have been thinking of that consciously, but when I said those three words to him, he just sobbed because it was the first time someone had given him real permission to actually change his life.

[00:12:43] And so those three little words, I forgive you now come coming full circle from don't tell anyone to that. Has been an amazing journey and the reason that I do what I do now in helping kids to have their voices, because I [00:13:00] recognize that if I'd had someone in my younger days that would've mentored me toward helping me have that confidence and courage to say something, it might have changed my life like drastically.

[00:13:17] Now I'm happy. I'm grateful for my life. It's been a blessed life with all of the challenges. But it could, I could have empowered more people had I been able to work through that earlier. So that's why I do what I do today and it's elementary to say, yes, we teach public speaking skills because that really doesn't at all define the impact that we get from.

[00:13:41] But I will, I'll tell you right now, next week, I am heading to Los Angeles with one of my 10 year old students who is going to speak with me on stage, a real live person stage in front of 25,000 people, and she's gonna be giving her [00:14:00] keynote speech at 10 years old. She's developed a keynote speech, and it's through our programs that she's able to do that, and that's the impact that we're making.

[00:14:09] on kids in the world. So I'm blessed. Very blessed. And speaking is something that I think a lot of times like you said, people talk about oh, it's just public speaking. It's yeah. But communicating is something that's inherent to every component of our life all day. Our relationships, our work our hobbies, our it's so inherent to everything we do as human beings.

[00:14:32] Scott Maderer: That I think people forget the power. Story and narrative and learning to communicate well with others. And again, thinking about your story, how that not only transformed learning to speak, not only transformed your life, but it also transformed others in your circle and touched others as well and help them on their journey.

[00:14:58] Jackie Bailey: Yeah, absolutely. [00:15:00] And I, that's what it's all about, right? Your the Inspired Stewardship podcast and we have stewardship over so many aspects of our life, whether it's other people, whether it's relationships, whether it's companies, businesses, whatever it might be. And if we don't make things better, then they were before we, they were given to us, then we are.

[00:15:25] Keeping our stewardship, we're not magnifying that role. And so I, I can tell you honestly though I didn't go into this opportunity of teaching kids because I've. Thought about it. I always felt a little uncomfortable working with kids because I, growing up I was always odd. was just different.

[00:15:46] I didn't know that there were other kids probably experiencing things that I did. It just felt like it was only me. Sure. And because I was a little bit socially inept I just didn't fit into a lot of places. So I had friends across the [00:16:00] spectrum, but I didn't have close friends. I had a lot of acquaintances and so I never felt comfortable.

[00:16:06] Working with kids, and several people have mentioned it to me as a possibility over the years as I was healing, but it just didn't feel right until after I participated in an international speech contest and I started sharing my story and I made it through several layers of competition to get to the semi-finals, which were gonna be held in Las Vegas.

[00:16:28] And this was in front of an international. Audience, and it basically meant that out of 33,000 competitors I'd been weeded down to the top 98. And I had gotten there by giving a message about my abuse, but mostly it was about the forgiveness and the love. That helped me to heal. And so I became a little bit of a celebrity in my local area as I was working for six weeks to, to get to that semi-final stage in Las Vegas.

[00:16:55] And there was a group of parents who homeschooled their. [00:17:00] Who contacted me and said, Hey, we're looking for somebody to teach our kids public speaking. You think you can do that? And I'm like yeah I guess I could do that. They're middle school age, so they're not little kids. And I developed this curriculum that I thought might work in a nine week period of time.

[00:17:19] That's how long they wanted me to do it. There were these nine kids that I walked into that first day, and they. They were quiet. They didn't necessarily make eye contact with me. They were hesitant, of course, as most kids are with someone new. But I'll tell you, by about the third week of that series of instruction I was giving, I saw such amazing difference in improvement, in progress.

[00:17:45] And the way the kids just carry the. They stood up straighter. Their counts were brighter, they spoke out louder with confidence, and they made eye contact with each other. They were supportive of each other. I could see [00:18:00] in a very short period of time how much this meant to them, and I started, it, started to click

[00:18:08] Oh my gosh, , maybe this is what I'm supposed to do. Maybe this is part of my steward. Is that I can do this for kids. I can't. I was an uncomfortable going into shelters with kids that I knew had been abused and working with them. That was the icky feeling that I got when I, when that came up. But I could do this.

[00:18:28] I could help them to find their voice. I could help them to be strong. I could help them to recognize their superpower, which is their, the message they have to share with the world. And then, I started doing more of that and I developed more and more curriculum and started having classes here and there and everywhere.

[00:18:44] And it became now my mission accidentally, if you will, because I said yes to an opportunity and everything happens from there. And so there is a plan. Sometimes we can't see the plan, but when we finally. [00:19:00] Milled and align with the plan. It's yeah, this is it. Yeah,

[00:19:02] Scott Maderer: I got it. Now, the only word I would take out of that sentence is the sometimes part.

[00:19:05] I don't think we ever see the plan. . . I've gone to thousands of people and I've yet to find anyone. Everyone always says I could connect the dots in reverse. It's looking backwards that I starting to go, oh, that wasn't a coincidence. That actually there's a purpose behind that. Exactly. I couldn't say it in the moment there was a purpose behind it.

[00:19:24] Yeah. Yep. Um, It's the law of improv. You never say no, but you say yes and accept and add to and move on. Obviously with the experience that you had and finding out later that your brother had gone to clergy, who, again I don't wanna be judgemental of them either, but who did what they felt was right, but clearly wasn't.

[00:19:51] Yeah. You obvious. It, you would have every right to have a lot of anger for God and for religion and for clergy in general and all of [00:20:00] that. Yeah. And yet at the same time, can you unpack a little bit cuz you've mentioned stewardship and calling and feeling purpose and plan and all of that.

[00:20:10] How did your faith journey intertwine with your understanding of the rest of this and where you are today? Yeah.

[00:20:18] Jackie Bailey: That's a really good question, and I have had moments of crisis with my faith. I'm sure. I So you're

[00:20:28] Scott Maderer: over

[00:20:28] Jackie Bailey: 12. Got it. Okay. I'm over I can go back a little bit further to set the stage, but when, during the years of abuse I would pray every night, and I and because I was still young and not able vo verbalize what was happening to me, and how to describe it. I would pray, please, heavenly Father, help me sleep well. What that meant is, please don't let him come in tonight. Not let it not happen.

[00:20:58] Yeah. And so I [00:21:00] would pray to sleep well. And I, and when those prayers were unanswered I felt not listened. . That being said, there were also times in my adolescent years when I truly felt that something was there. That and actually I could see the, I could feel and see the evil side of things more than feeling the spirit of the Lord.

[00:21:26] Because that's, that. Spirit was in my house that evil spirit was where I lived. And so it was, there were times when that was there. Very palatably, , if that's not even a word, but it was harder to feel the spirit, but I can't, I will tell you that there are, there were times when I definitely felt that I was watched over but it's always been a challenge for me to feel loved. And to feel accepted by a heavenly father. And so when I learned [00:22:00] about these clergy members, hearing three different times that this had happened, this hasn't been happening to me, and no one took thought. To ask to talk to me, nor did they even say anything to my parents.

[00:22:15] My parents didn't know about it either. It would've been at least something to say, Hey, we have reason to believe , right? Your daughter may be experiencing some things that are beyond her control, and we should let you be aware of it. But that wasn't, that didn't even happen. And yes, I was angry.

[00:22:30] At the same time, I was feeling compassion from my brother. I was really angry at the forces. That had stewardship over both of us at that time and that we weren't watched over. And there have been other occasions in my life where I felt that clergy in the church did wrong. Not necessarily in regard to this, but there have been other times and what I would say is that I have, I still have that searching heart for [00:23:00] wanting to be worth.

[00:23:02] Wanting to be deserving from a father in heaven. And that search for that keeps me going. I've never left the church, but I've always felt like I'm giving my best here and I'm doing what I can and. I'm just working towards feeling that, that worthiness. But I know that there are men and women that run those organizations that don't always do the right things, but sometimes can fail too.

[00:23:29] But yeah. And it, but it doesn't have anything to do with that relationship I'm seeking for with my father in heaven. And in fact, can I tell you a really interesting experience I had when I, once I got to a certain point of therapy. My therapist, who was working with other women at the same time, she decided there were enough of us that she wanted to start a group, a therapy group with all of these women.

[00:23:56] And so there were 15 of us that began this [00:24:00] new group. And when I walked in on that first night, Scott, there were five women in that group that were in my church that I saw every Sunday. And none of us knew that the other had been going through this emotional tur. , five of them out of 15 . And so that taught me that I wasn't alone.

[00:24:19] There was a lot going on, and I did feel that Heavenly Father was designing that to happen so that we could be there and closely support each other. One of those women who was actually not in my church but was in that group she had 23, I believe person. we don't call it that there's something, it's not called multiple personality disorder anymore.

[00:24:39] It's called something else. But at that point, that's what it was called. And she allowed us to be in the same room when she went into hypnosis to integrate these personalities and into her core self. And Scott, she told us amazing experience in hypnosis. [00:25:00] She told us how it happened. She'd actually been raped when she was three and smothered by a pillow and died.

[00:25:05] And she recounts how she saw Heavenly Father. She sat on his lap and he said, I know that this has happened to you. I know it's a horrible thing and I love you, but you have to go back and I'm going to send others with you to protect you and help you to. . And she says, that's when my mind split and heavenly father gave me these people to be with me. That was one part of her experience. What made me realize the, all the different parts of me and all of the emotions that I have are gifts from Heavenly Father that have helped me to survive. On another occasion when we watched Carol. That was her name. Integrate these personalities in what she had to go through was something that I find we should all go through.

[00:25:56] In her mind's eye, under hypnosis, [00:26:00] she would envision each one of these personalities. Some of them were infants, some of them were really scary, body building men that , you didn't wanna be around, but she had to see each one of them hug. Thank them for the ways they protected her, for the ways they contributed to her life, and then say, I don't need you anymore.

[00:26:28] I got this. Thank, and she had to do that with each of her personalities over a series of different sessions. But that was an important lesson for me, as I said, for all of us, that there are times when we need to hug ourselves and each part of those selves that we think are ugly and say thank you.

[00:26:46] Thank you for your service. Thank you for getting me through that. Thank you for allowing me to be in that situation so I could learn from it. I don't need you anymore. Now I can handle this on my own. [00:27:00] Thanks . And so that was an important lesson for me. As far as religion goes and having that testimony of faith that's just one of those parts of.

[00:27:09] That has served me sometimes and has not served me in others, but I'm grateful for what I've learned from

[00:27:15] Scott Maderer: that. Yeah. The term you're looking for, dissociative identity disorder. D i d. Yeah. Is what they, there you go. Go. Now. That's the modern name. That's the modern. I've actually had a guest on the show who has D I d and has integrated, I think sh I, if I remember correctly, she still has two personalities, but has integrated the rest of them into the core.

[00:27:38] Off the top of my head, I don't remember how many she had, but it was an interesting conversation about. That journey and how and again, in her case it was from childhood trauma, which is usually the source of d i d not a hundred percent of the time but usually the source of d i d and it's exactly what you're talking about.

[00:27:56] It's those personalities are in place. To protect us. [00:28:00] And we all do that at some level. It's just not always to the extent that it would rise to what they would diagnose as d i d, but we all exactly, we all fragment, we all have masks that we wear or parts of our life that we highlight and put out to others and hide from others.

[00:28:15] And. And as well. I want to dive a little bit more into some of the work that you do and some of the books that you've got. You've got several out and you do a lot of work in this area of empowering people to have their voices. So one of the things that I talk to a lot of people.

[00:28:37] I, I have a lot of clients and interview a lot of guests and everything. Talking to others, sharing our story is something that I think is really challenging for a lot of us. So what are some tips that you would have, or some suggestion you would have for the listener that's hearing this now and is I'd love to get better at sharing my story.

[00:28:57] I'd love to get better at being able to [00:29:00] do this well, but I don't even know where to start. What? What are some tips that you would give 'em for that beginner?

[00:29:06] Jackie Bailey: Yeah. It's not uncommon to feel. I wanna say something I wanna be on stages, or I wanna write a book, or I wanna be a podcaster, but then go, I have no idea what I would say.

[00:29:18] It's not unusual. I hear it all the time, and to me that's, it's that higher calling that you're getting indications of that your voice matters and you need to share your voice, whether it's written or verbalized. But it sometimes can feel like I felt that unworthiness or undeserving of people hearing me.

[00:29:37] And so that blocks. From finding what it is that we should tell the world. And I asked one time, my nine year old grandson, he's almost 14 now, but he was nine at the time, and I asked him then, Sam if the whole world could come into your living room and they asked you to tell them the most important thing you know, what would you [00:30:00] say?

[00:30:01] And at nine years old, he said first of all, I tell them to get outta my living room. . . He said, good point. then, and then I would tell them to get off the video games and spend time with their family. Oh, okay. At nine years old, he had a beautiful message that we all need to know. And so I tell everybody, your message needs to be heard and I can help you to discover what that.

[00:30:26] I have programs that will help you dive a little bit deeper into some of your most amazing feelings. And tho those might include your greatest accomplishments. When did you feel that you were at your very best and maybe you got an award or you were able to get your college diploma or whatever it was.

[00:30:47] Those accomplished moments. And then consider those moments when you work through crisis. where you came on over you, you conquered the challenges that you faced in those moments that are so unplanned in [00:31:00] life, but that have to be dealt with immediately. And then I, we look at the dark side of that too.

[00:31:07] When have you felt like a failure? When have you let yourself down or others? . And in those moments of crisis, when did you not necessarily do the things that could have happened to alleviate that? And then we look at all the commonalities in those things. If you can identify the common traits rules, people that were with you when you succeeded, and then you can identify the opposite of that.

[00:31:34] Who was with you, what were your traits, characteristics that came into play when you weren't so successful. Now you've got a plan. For what you can continue to do to be successful and what you can stop doing to have less success. And then we look at your greatest memories of childhood, of your career, your school life, whatever.

[00:31:56] And we start to see the experiences you've [00:32:00] had, the lessons that you've learned from that. And now you get a really clear idea of what my message. , what's my personal branding? What can I say to the world? And once we know that, then all of those stories can be plugged into certain parts of an entire keynote type message to be able to share eloquently with the world.

[00:32:21] That's how we do that. And we do it with the kids as well through different methodologies, but through, with the high school, through adult. Sort of the pattern that we walk through is to help them, first to identify their experiences, lessons learned, and then we work on how do we incorporate that into an entire message.

[00:32:39] Scott Maderer: So it's experience first and then story, and then from that, crafting it into something that has a more quote of an arc to it, like a keynote or a message that you would

[00:32:50] Jackie Bailey: deliver. Yeah. I find by if we ask them, okay, now that you know this about yourself, what advice, if you could go back to yourself, what advice would you give you?

[00:32:59] [00:33:00] And if we can work through some of that now. If that's the advice you'd give you some, you, if you'd give yourself that advice, maybe that's the same advice you'd give to an audience. Whether it's in a book or on a stage or a podcast, and that could be very well be your message. That could be the message.

[00:33:16] Is that advice? So yeah.

[00:33:18] Scott Maderer: So what about the folks that are like Just utterly terrified by the concept of . I, I always joke that I say something about public speaking and somebody that heard that just threw up in their mouth. It's you know Exactly with that sudden fear.

[00:33:31] And I think it's a very common fear. And then there's other fear folks like me that it's it doesn't bother me. It never has really. But how, what do you say to those folks that have that just instinctive fear of sharing their message?

[00:33:44] Jackie Bailey: Like me, I think that fear comes from being silenced, and it's not always through abuse, but statistics will tell you that there's a lot of abuse going on out there, unfortunately.

[00:33:57] But we've all probably felt [00:34:00] silenced at different times in our life, whether it was when we were children or. or in our career when we work for someone that really doesn't listen to our ideas or doesn't give us credit for those ideas, or during a pandemic when we're taken out of school we're taken out of social situations and we don't get to speak up because maybe it's not politically correct and we're gonna lose friends when we share our opinions.

[00:34:19] There's all kinds of ways that we feel silenced and so what we learn is what I have to say, doesn't have any value to it, or I'm not sure what I can co. So by overcoming that fear of learning exactly that, what is it that you have to say? And knowing with confidence that you have a contribution to make, whether it's to a conversation you're having one-on-one with somebody, or whether it's a conversation you're having on a podcast, interviewing someone like we're doing today, or writing a book about your life or a fictional story that you wanna share.

[00:34:57] Whatever it is, I. What I've [00:35:00] discovered with my youngest of students, and they're 10, as soon as they understand that they have something of value to say they're gonna say it because now they can. Now they feel like I can go into any social situation and I can be part of a conversation because now I know my stories.

[00:35:18] I know who I am, I know my value system, and I don't have to be afraid to speak up anymore. I. I can say what I think and it's all right if they don't agree with me, cuz I'm strong enough to overcome that

[00:35:29] Scott Maderer: That Yeah. And so I, I think you know this, but and the listener does, but just to share. So I was a school teacher for 16 years and I taught middle school for 11.

[00:35:40] And it's always, it's amazing to. The diversity of voices that sit in a classroom and how you've got the, you got the. They'll share their thing and no matter what, and then you've got the other one over there that you can't get to talk and having [00:36:00] the spirit or the time or the work to bring them out of their shell and also help the one that , you know, because sometimes the one that's doing nothing but talking is compensating for something too.

[00:36:11] Jackie Bailey: Absolutely. Absolutely. Yeah. Yeah. And that's, those are the kinds of, Kids, you have to say, all right I appreciate your strong voice, but , , we have to speak in kindness and we have to make sure that we're not silencing other people through our own voices. And um, learn to channel this. That's another, yeah.

[00:36:34] And that's another way that we can contribute to other people is not necessarily weakening our own voice, but helping them strengthen theirs. And so those people who don't. , the fear of speaking can do so much to help those who do in ways that perhaps I've never thought of.

[00:36:52] Scott Maderer: Yeah.

[00:36:53] And that's, yeah. I I was that kid growing up that didn't bother me to talk. Yeah. [00:37:00] I actually did come from a home that had alcohol abuse in it. I was okay talking. , but in my case it was cuz I was basically, if I talked enough, nobody would ask me those things, , mean? yeah, exactly. So it was a shield in, in a different way. And so I think that's part of it too, is recognizing that again, we don't always know where any of that is coming from, the silence or the speaking. And what you do is help helping folks uncover that reality and then learn to work past that is.

[00:37:34] A powerful form of therapy, honestly. I know it's not quote therapy, but it's yeah. Therapy with a capital T, but it's therapy with a little t It is, yeah. So one of the books that you have and the title just caught my eye so I kinda wanted to ask about it, is called Self-Centered Leadership.

[00:37:52] And in general, when you hear the term self-centered it has a negative connotation. It has a bad connotation, and I've got my [00:38:00] thoughts. Why that is and what that means. But I was curious to, to ask you where did that title come from? Where did that topic come from and why using that, if that's a quote negative, and I'm gonna put that in air quotes, term

[00:38:16] Jackie Bailey: Yeah. We grew up grandma would say, don't be selfish. Oh, you're so self-centered when all you think about is yourself. We've heard those remarks perhaps to ourselves and maybe we've even said 'em to our own kids. And so when I was, I started to write a book to dental teams because I went into dentistry as an assistant right outta high school.

[00:38:39] And then I went into surgical technician in dentistry. We'd go into hospitals and do the major jaw surgeries. That was the love that I had in dentistry. From there, then I, man, I did some administrative management and then I did some office management, and I had all this experience. [00:39:00] Knowing what made dental practices specifically successful, and that's when I started a for-profit business called Emerald City Consulting.

[00:39:09] It was really a dental management consulting firm, and so I started to write a book. About how to lead a team, and this was for dentists specifically, how they could lead their teams. Cuz what I started to notice is that they had all these clinical skills, but they had not been taught any business skills in dental school.

[00:39:29] And they didn't know how to deal with people. They didn't know how to hire people, they didn't know how to fire people. They didn't know how to make sure people were being valued for the jobs they were doing right in their practice. And so that's, I started to write that book. Around that time I joined a networking group in related to dentistry, and I went to their annual conference and I heard Jeanie Robertson give a keynote speech.

[00:39:52] Jeanie Robertson, she's a, she called herself a humorist. She was a former North mi former Miss North Carolina. She stood [00:40:00] about six three. And when I saw her, she was in her sixties, but she was still this gorgeous woman and she had this real low southern drawer , and so she would just pull you in and I watched her give this keynote speech and she just amazed me.

[00:40:14] I thought, that is who I want to be like. And I asked her, how did you do that? And she told me to join Toastmasters. That's where she started, although she had years of experience now, but that's where she started. I listened and I joined a Toastmaster club, and right away I went into leadership and I started serving, and I, and it's a volunteer organization, but I spent a lot of my time besides my business helping with Toastmasters and I didn't have a lot of time to write my book.

[00:40:44] And after five years of serving in leadership positions where I was in charge. 3,500 to 4,000 people in training. Hundreds of people at a time in charge of putting on events and things like that. I, after [00:41:00] five years of that, I finally thought maybe I better pick up my book again. But after that amazing experience I realized I had a different book to write, so I put down into thought, what are the characteristics I've.

[00:41:14] That I had to possess in order to lead this organization the way I did for five years. And I decided that it was through sacrifice or service. I say sacrifice in in the book, but service, they're synonymous. Empowerment. I had to not only work on empowering myself, but also doing things that we're going to empower other people Love, not romantically, but you have to have a.

[00:41:44] For the people that your stewardship consists of and love them in a way that you have empathy and understanding for them. And then friendship. I learned that although I didn't have to be buddy-buddy with everybody, I had to [00:42:00] practice principles of friendship, which are loyalty and being available and helpful and Became those four characteristics of sacrifice, empowerment, love, and friendship.

[00:42:15] And I, I felt that when you are self-centered, then the remaining tagline of the book is becoming intentional, influential, and exceptional. And so that book, self-centered Leadership, is my lessons learned, leading myself so that I could be a better leader. Two others. And that was the book that actually came out, after all that time.

[00:42:42] Scott Maderer: That's what that other book turned into after you what that other book turned into. Yes, . I think it's interesting, I just have to kinda say this out loud cuz it crossed my mind when you were talking. It's interesting that you went into dental, Work, which is mouth voice related.

[00:42:58] Yeah. And then became [00:43:00] speaking related I don't think that's as big of a coincidence as might, I never thought

[00:43:05] Jackie Bailey: about it before. So Yeah, you're right, .

[00:43:07] Scott Maderer: But think about it. Reconstruct, helping people reconstruct jaws and do all that is actually giving people a voice back in a different way.

[00:43:15] And also helping people have self-confidence. And cuz again, that's, thing that can hold people back sometimes. Yeah. Is that in that area? Yeah. So I've got a few questions that I like to ask all of my guests, but before I go there, is there anything else that you'd like to share about the book that you have or the work that you do or anything else?

[00:43:38] Jackie Bailey: Yeah I just want your audience to know that they are worthy of being heard and that their voice does. And if they're feeling not heard, if they feel like there's a lump in their throat or a lump in their chest, it might be because you're being told to say [00:44:00] something and someone, or something is holding you back and.

[00:44:06] Finding your superpower and putting on your cape is what's going to help you work through that. I specifically remember a time when I was contemplating an investment. I wanted to make my business, it was a financial investment and I was hesitant to do this because I wasn't sure if it was the right thing.

[00:44:23] And I had been thinking about this for several days and as I was coming back to my studio one day, there was the bright. Blue Jay I'd ever seen here in the Pacific Northwest are actually called stellar j's. But same family at the blue Jay. And this bird flew right by me into the tree that stood next close to the front door of my studio.

[00:44:46] And he stood on this branch and he looked at me and he wasn't chirping, but he was ging. He was going grab, just looking right at me. And he allowed me to get really close to him just looking at me going. And I thought, he's trying to tell me [00:45:00] something, , what is he telling me? And I ran into my studio and I got on my computer and I just Googled blue Jay Spirit Animal or Blue Jay totem animal, something like that, right?

[00:45:12] And it went into this sort of metaphysical realm thinking what does this mean? And what I learned was that the blue color of that bird represents the voice chakra. The throat chakra that we have, which is represented in a blue color. and that it represented our voice and the power of our message and that we not should not be afraid to speak out.

[00:45:34] And it was like a voice, whoa coming to me through pillars of white light going, he's telling me that making this decision is the right thing, and it's going to empower my voice even more by, by doing, making this investment. And so that's what I did. And so I want you to consider, What signs are you being given right now that you need to speak out?

[00:45:57] What what is Heavenly father or what [00:46:00] is the universe providing for you as a way to say, you need to say this, you need to do this. Maybe it's hearing me today, and you're recognizing, gosh, like Jackie I need to speak out. I could save a life. I could change a life. I could empower a life through my voice, and maybe it's time I do that.

[00:46:17] So I, I hope they will consider.

[00:46:20] Scott Maderer: Awesome. So several times you've mentioned stewardship a couple of times and obviously that's my brand and that's the lens I run things through. But like a lot of other words I've discovered stewardship means different things to different people.

[00:46:34] And so what does the word stewardship mean to you? And how has it impacted your life?

[00:46:42] Jackie Bailey: Stewardship really is synonymous to me with that self-centered. Leadership. It's the ability to sacrifice or serve. It's the desire and being put in a position where you can empower other people to [00:47:00] love them and to find friends and to use aspects of friendship, to build those relationships in a strong way.

[00:47:09] That to me is what stewardship. And we all have it, whether we know it or not. Many times we ignore it or we don't recognize it or don't think about it. We are stewards of our planet. We are stewards of each other. We are stewards of our families. We are stories of our congregations at church. There's we are stewards of each other and we have the ability to either poison each other through what we do and say, or we have an ability to uplift each other and empower us.

[00:47:39] And so that's what stewardship. It's me.

[00:47:43] Scott Maderer: So this is my favorite question that I love to ask all of the guests. Let's say I invented this magic machine, and through the power of that machine, I was able to pluck you from where you are today and transport you into the future, maybe 150, 200 years.[00:48:00]

[00:48:00] And through the power of this machine, you were able to look back on your entire life and see all of the impacts, all of the connections, all of the ripples that you've left behind. What impact do you hope you've left behind on the.

[00:48:14] Jackie Bailey: I want children. I wanna say that even through our programs as perhaps insignificant as they are in the big picture, that the programs we have at the Speak Feed Lead project was the catalyst toward people having more respect, love, and concern to our. . Right now we're telling our kids that they are, they should not be happy with who they are.

[00:48:40] And so I hope that the impact of what we do is that we help kids feel the love of whatever that heavenly source is, that they recognize and that they will speak out, and that they will understand the value they have no matter their age and no matter their inexperience. [00:49:00] 150 to 200 years from now, I'd like to.

[00:49:02] That schools recognize public speaking courses as valuable, that governments recognize that children should be taken into consideration with everything and that families are the most important unit on the planet and everything should be supportive of families. And we should have greater opportunities for families to succeed as families and keep them those relationships strong because that is the foundation.

[00:49:33] Our entire society. So I hope that's what I would see is the little small impact we do have for this little nonprofit. Changes the minds and the hearts of people. So what's coming

[00:49:46] Scott Maderer: next for you as you continue into 2023? What's on the roadmap?

[00:49:50] Jackie Bailey: You know what? I would love to spend this summer taking our courses to different parts of the.

[00:49:57] I'm having conversations with people in [00:50:00] South Africa, Australia, New Zealand, in the Caribbean Islands to rather than have summer camps in our studio here going different places and offering more kids the opportunity to feel that, empower their voices and know that they need to be heard. So I'm looking forward to being able to do that.

[00:50:28] Scott Maderer: If you wanna find out more about Jackie's speaking program, you can find that over@speakfeedlead.org.org. Or you can find out more about Jackie and some of the work she does including a positive Prime session over at. Positive prime.com/jackie Bailey. Of course, I'll have links to all of that over in the show notes as well.

[00:50:51] Jackie, is there anything else you'd like to share

[00:50:53] Jackie Bailey: with the listener? You mentioned my gift of Positive Prime. Can I share that with just a second? Sure. Positive Prime is a [00:51:00] neuroscientific tool that allows us to watch a vision board on steroids. And for those who may not know what a vision board is, lots of people.

[00:51:11] Learned that they can take images, pictures, words, and they paste them on a board. They can look at that every day and inspire them toward goals that they have that are loftier than where they are now. Positive Prime is a scientific tool that has been tested and proven that by watching this, we call it a session, but it's got music and images, affirmations, and three minutes of.

[00:51:36] It gives you six to eight hours of gratitude, positivity, joy, and it changes your mind from the negative thinking that we often get into in patterns to for three minutes think only of positivity. So I hope that you will take my gift and you will use it for 30 days free on me. Use it as often as you can and see if it doesn't change [00:52:00] the positivity in your life because you're spending three minutes on yourself.

[00:52:04] A. Doing that. And we use it with our kids in all of our classes. And I see a tremendous difference in their levels of creativity. They're, they treat each other with more courtesy, and they are they have more confidence. So I know it works. Awesome. Yeah, that sounds like a great gift and I hope folks take advantage of it.

[00:52:23] Scott Maderer: And again, I'll have a link over to the show notes where they can find that as well. Thank you.

[00:52:34] Thanks so much for listening to the Inspired Stewardship Podcast. As a subscriber and listener, we challenge you to not just sit back and passively listen, but act on what you've heard and find a way to live your calling. If you enjoyed this, Please. Please do us a favor. Go over to inspired [00:53:00] stewardship.com/itunes.

[00:53:01] Rate all one word iTunes rate. It'll take you through how to leave a rating and review, and how to make sure you're subscribed to the podcast so that you can get every episode as it comes out in your feed. Until next time, invest your. Your talent and your treasures. Develop your influence and impact the world.