Episode 1290: Interview with the Founder of the Welcome to Fatherhood Podcast Kelly Jean-Phillipe

[00:00:00] Scott Maderer: Thanks for joining us on episode 1,290 of the Inspired Stewardship Podcast.

[00:00:07] Kelly Jean-Phillipe: I'm Kelly Jean Phillipe. I challenge you to invest in yourself, invest in others, develop your influence and impact the world by using your time, your talent, and your treasures to live out your calling. Having the ability to understand how to be a real father is.

[00:00:25] And one way to be inspired to do that is to listen to this The Inspired Stewardship Podcast with my friend Scott Maderer.

[00:00:40] Now becoming a father, the world is a totally different. Thing because now one of my biggest worries is I brought this child into this world and I want to be here. To watch him [00:01:00] grow into his full potential.

[00:01:02] Scott Maderer: Welcome and thank you for joining us on the Inspired Stewardship Podcast. If you truly desire to become the person who God wants you to be, then you must learn to use your time, your talent, and your treasures for your true calling In the Inspired Stewardship Podcast, who will learn to invest in yourself, invest in others, and develop your influence.

[00:01:25] So that you can impact the world.

[00:01:35] In this episode of the Inspired Stewardship podcast, I interview Kelly Jean Felipe. I ask Kelly about his podcast. Welcome to Fatherhood. I also ask Kelly about how his faith journey intersects with his message about fatherhood, and I ask Kelly to share with you why it's important for fathers to talk to other fathers.

[00:01:54] One reason I like to bring you great interviews like the one you're gonna hear today is because of the [00:02:00] power in learning from others. Another great way to learn from others is through reading books. But if you're like most people today, you find it hard to find the time to sit down and read, and that's why today's podcast is brought to you by Audible.

[00:02:15] Go to inspired stewardship.com/audible to sign up and you can get a 30 day free trial. , there's over 180,000 titles to choose from, and instead of reading, you can listen your way to learn from some of the greatest minds out there. That's inspired stewardship.com/audible to get your free trial and listen to great books the same way you're listening to this podcast.

[00:02:43] Kelly started the Welcome to Fatherhood podcast after he and his beautiful wife welcome their baby boy in the spring of 20. Not only was Parenthood a brand new experience for their family, the societal context at the time of the birth, both local and global, played a huge role in the [00:03:00] challenges Kelly faced as a first time father, while experiencing the most life-changing event ever to occur to him.

[00:03:06] Kelly's early days as a father were fraught with anxiety, fear, uncertainty, and unrest, and the welcome to Fatherhood podcast. Kelly used that as a way to openly talk about the experiences of his fatherhood. As it unfolded, as well as an avenue to explore issues pertinent to fatherhood. He's a skilled spiritual care provider in both adult and pediatric settings throughout Philadelphia, and he's been doing that for over seven years.

[00:03:33] Welcome to the show, Kelly.

[00:03:36] Kelly Jean-Phillipe: Hey, thank you so much for having me, Scott.

[00:03:38] Scott Maderer: Absolutely. I'm glad to have you here. And we talked a little bit in the intro about your journey and the podcast that you've got out. Can you unpack a little bit more what brought you to put out a podcast on fatherhood?

[00:03:54] Kelly Jean-Phillipe: Yeah, so when my wife was pregnant, I started to notice that she was [00:04:00] getting a lot of attention, , and here we are, two people who were previously not parents, and only one of us was getting attention. As to be celebrated while becoming a new parent. Simultaneously around the time I had started listening to this great podcast called the Bible Project Podcast, and the medium of podcasting was so significant to me personally at that time that the two sort of collided and it just made sense.

[00:04:31] I'm upset that my wife is getting all the attention and I'm not being celebrated as a. And so let me express that through this medium that has been very significant for me. And so I started doing all of this research about how to put a podcast together. What's the equipment that I need to buy intro music, the whole nine.

[00:04:50] And my poor wife is just watching me like nice like just watching me go down this rabbit hole. And then once everything got put together [00:05:00] I was like, yeah, let's just go ahead and do this. So the medium itself was, because that was what was available to me at the time, and this was back in 2020 by the way.

[00:05:10] So everyone was staying home and everyone

[00:05:13] Scott Maderer: was starting a podcast too. , your podcast . I think there was something like 50,000 podcasts started in 2020. Seriously, .

[00:05:21] Kelly Jean-Phillipe: So I just fit right into that trend and and I've been keeping at it ever. Let's back up a little bit cuz you mentioned that feeling a little frustrated, a little upset that your wife was being celebrated with motherhood and then you were being ignored.

[00:05:36] Scott Maderer: Yeah. What tell, what is that, what do you mean by that? Tell us more about that feeling and why that was a frustration to you.

[00:05:44] Kelly Jean-Phillipe: So what I was happening upon is the sense that. Fathers don't really get the same shine as moms do when becoming parents. And so to me it just didn't make sense that two people, a man and a [00:06:00] woman who have never parented a child before and both of us are experiencing.

[00:06:06] This event in very similar ways, but also in very different ways, right? Because she's the one who's carrying the child, and so obviously she's the one that has all of the physical signs of being pregnant and so far and so forth. So of course she should be celebrated because. Welcoming a new life into the world is something that ought to be celebrated, period.

[00:06:30] But she didn't get pregnant by herself. I helped in that process. I am claiming that this woman is my wife and that this child is my child. And so while she's becoming a mom, I'm also becoming a. But it just seemed no one necessarily cared about that part. It was almost like, But how is she doing? And so to me that didn't make any sense. And I know it may sound like I was jealous of my wife's, of my wife, I was not [00:07:00] jealous of my wife. It just dawned on me that the role of a father, in some instances there are things happen and the discourse is where is the.

[00:07:12] But here I am in this very early stage of becoming a father and no one is hooray, you're becoming a dad. And that didn't sit well with me.

[00:07:23] Scott Maderer: Yeah. So it's, and I've heard you say it before and I want you to unpack it a little bit where I've heard you say that fathers aren't important until they.

[00:07:32] Oh yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. What do you mean by that when you say that? Because I think it's related to what you were just talking about, .

[00:07:39] Kelly Jean-Phillipe: Yeah so the scenario that I have in mind right now is goes a little something like this. My son right now is two years old, okay? And let's fast forward until when he's 16 years old, let's say I like to use 16 as a magic number.

[00:07:57] So my son is 16 years. [00:08:00] I remember how I felt when I was 16. I don't know if you remember what your life was like at 16, a young man just growing into your own Right. So we've been on that process for a while. And so let's say my son is 16 years old in this hypothetical situation, and he goes out and he does something stupid in the world and it catches the attention of the media.

[00:08:26] One of the first things that people are going to say then is, oh, where was that child's father for whatever their reasons, right? So at that moment, the icon of the father gets held up as well. Had that figure been there, then maybe this child will not have done that thing. But in almost any instance, Outside of that, almost any instance outside of that, no one bets an eye at a [00:09:00] man who's becoming a father.

[00:09:02] And so that was the dichotomy that I was happening upon during this process of fatherhood, where if we're going to say, you know, in this hypothetical situation down the line, where was the father? Along that trajectory of this man fathering this child, where has there been the acknowledgement for this man as the father of this child?

[00:09:30] How is this man being supported? How, what are the resources that are available for this man to help this man come into fulfill even more fully? His role, his responsibility, his duty as a father for this child. There seems to be so much more of that available for moms resources galore and very little for dads because of all of the longstanding [00:10:00] ideologies that complicate this whole story about moms and dads, but that, that's at the core of. We're only important when we're important. And all those other times, nobody cares. And,

[00:10:17] Scott Maderer: and that's not to say that there aren't fathers that advocate their responsibility and that there aren't absentee fathers and that there aren't mothers that advocate their responsibility.

[00:10:26] And and it's also, you're not trying to diminish moms. I'm not hearing you say moms aren't important. Not at all. You're just. Fathers are important too. Why don't we

[00:10:35] Kelly Jean-Phillipe: say that Exactly. Moms have already achieved a very well-deserved status. They're sitting on a very high pedestal in society as they should.

[00:10:47] The other half of that equation does not get afforded the same level of shine, the same level of support, the same level of what's the word I'm looking for here? [00:11:00] The same level of consideration, the same benefit of the doubt. None of those things that moms benefit from dads are benefiting from on an equal footing.

[00:11:10] Again, this is not a competition. . This is not, like you just said, moms are less important or moms are undeserving of this. I feel like that's what's being cast on dads, that dads are undeserving to of sit at the same table as moms. And to me, that does not sit right. So you know how. , how did your faith journey and your background you mentioned that you were listening to the Bible Podcast at the time that you discovered podcasting.

[00:11:38] Scott Maderer: How did that part of it intersect, both as a father and then as deciding to put this message out in this kind of public way through a podcast?

[00:11:50] Kelly Jean-Phillipe: Yeah. So I'll step way back. So I have a I went to seminary school. I have a master's of Divi. So you can technically say I'm a [00:12:00] pastor, even though I to consider myself a pastor right now.

[00:12:02] Presently, I work as a chaplain at a children's hospital. So back in 2020 and I also grew up in a very Christian home. So Christianity's all I've known my entire life. But in 2020, there was this shift in my theological thinking in my Christianity, in my faith period through this resource called the Bible Project Podcast.

[00:12:27] And it just opened my eyes up to so many things that I previously had not considered and provided me a different paradigm through which I now see the world. And I also see myself in this role as a father. I'm not someone who necessarily believes that when Jesus said go out and preach the gospel into the world, he was actually talking about telling people your fundamental beliefs or reading Matthew, mark, Luke, and John.

[00:12:59] And, [00:13:00] but how does this story of the gospel. Impact one's life, and then how does that impact influence the lives of other people that we come in contact with? And so that is the, so podcasting and this fatherhood. Welcome to Fatherhood podcast is the vehicle through which, although I'm reluctant to call it ministry, but I do feel like I am using this platform in order to call fathers into.

[00:13:32] A, a different consideration of who they are as men, who they are in this role as fathers, to really try to minimize as much as possible potential damage that we can do to our children with our lack of involvement, with our absence, with all of the things that. We've grown up, being told was not okay to do and just [00:14:00] keep masculinity and fatherhood in, in a really tight box.

[00:14:06] And we could have debates about where masculinity and the role of the man is headed in our current society. And that's not what this is. . But for instance, now I'm a, as a father, I'm having to recall instances where my dad told me it was not okay to cry. Every time I hear my son crying.

[00:14:24] And so I know the impact that had on me, and I don't want that for my son. And so now I'm finding myself, telling my son, Hey, it's okay for you to cry. It's okay for you to show your emotions because that was something that was told to me that was not the right thing to. Because my father said explicitly real men don't cry.

[00:14:42] Dang it, I'm a real man, , and I want my son to be a real man, and I want him to be a real man who feels like it's okay for him to cry. So that's the kind of stuff that I'm talking about. All of this, it may seem like. My faith and my beliefs don't necessarily inform all of [00:15:00] that, but it absolutely informs every single aspect of my life.

[00:15:04] Fatherhood is this very spiritual experience for me where in my interaction with my son, I often find myself thinking about. God's interaction with humans throughout human history with me, throughout my life. And I'm just like, yeah, I'm glad you're God. And I'm not

[00:15:25] Scott Maderer: that, that, that's the old the one of the best days of my life was when I discovered there was a God, but the second best day was when I discovered it wasn't me.

[00:15:34] Yeah. Yeah. I tell people all the time, that's outta my pay grade. I don't get to decide that. So what you mentioned as a kind of an offhand comment, you're reluctant to call the podcast a ministry. What, why? Why are you reluctant?

[00:15:48] Kelly Jean-Phillipe: I'm reluctant because particularly in our day and age, I think there's been a huge divide now between anything that is.

[00:15:56] Religious sounding and anything that is more of the [00:16:00] broader spiritual vocabulary. I think that there, there has been a divide that has occurred at some point in the last five to seven years or so, because again, this story of who Jesus is in my life and how that impacts everyth. Just watching how he went about doing the things that he did, I don't think he necessarily did anything to make anyone feel excluded.

[00:16:33] And because of the, what's embedded in our society right now where everyone wants to be entrenched in some plot of ideology or thought or whatever the case is. , I'm reluctant to publicly, even though that's what I just did now call it a ministry vehicle to not give the impression that I'm out here [00:17:00] in some subverted way trying to indoctrinate people in some way, shape, or form.

[00:17:05] So that's why I'm reluctant to call it that. Even though I've had people say to me that, man, I really love this ministry that you're. . So I'm okay when people say it. I'm just reluctant to say it myself. Okay.

[00:17:18] Scott Maderer: So yeah. So one of the, one of my past clients who put a video out about working with me and he's not a Christian, and he said, hi, his quote, and it was, Scott's a Christian, but he's not annoying.

[00:17:35] And I'm like, I'll take that. I like that. That's a magic water. So it, it sounds like you're saying the same thing is yes, your faith is showing up in this, but you're not trying to be quote that question. The one that, that is tick people off and annoying people with as opposed to.

[00:17:53] Sharing authentically what you believe. Absolutely. You have no problem with that, but you're not gonna try to, but that doesn't [00:18:00] mean that everyone else has to believe exactly the way you do. Absolutely. Absolutely. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. That, and that makes sense. I deal with some of that same reluctance myself with.

[00:18:09] My podcast is how explicitly Christian do I make it? of course I put it in the title with stewardship cuz that's Christian buzzword. And we'll talk about that word later. Yeah. In the podcast how do you approach the podcast or what's your structure or what do you share on the show?

[00:18:28] Kelly Jean-Phillipe: So the podcast, it's evolved over the past two years. At first, it was just a matter of let me get together with a couple of guys, people who I know personally, and people who, again, back in 2020 everyone was spending a lot of time on social media. So I've made a lot of connections with folks on social media, which has been very helpful.

[00:18:48] A lot of them have really come to be valid friendships, if you will. And It was just a matter of, let me talk to as many dads as I can and just to hear their [00:19:00] story of what things were like when they were headed into the pregnancy, during the delivery, bringing the child home, and let's just talk about that because that's where I was in the phase of my fatherhood at that time.

[00:19:14] And then over the years it's it's grown into also that, but also trying to explore different concept. That influence fatherhood, which is really just everything. As a father, I live in a society and there are things about my society that impact how I think about myself as a father and how I think about my son's future because I'm a father, so I'm finding that there is always something to talk about.

[00:19:46] And over the past several months become more in tune with some of the things that are more personal to me in my experience and trying to explore them through the podcast. But [00:20:00] it's really like what you and I are doing right now, just the conversation. And I've had recently, I was talking to someone that I was interviewing and she said to me, I love the fact that you go deeper than most people that I've heard talk about this topic, and it's not something intentional that I do.

[00:20:18] I just like to have real conversations with people. If I can share this one really cool story so early on, maybe the podcast was like two months old and I'm reading an article on Facebook. That a friend of mine posted, and in the article it mentioned a tattoo parlor in Pikeville, Kentucky. And that gentleman who owns the tattoo parlor, he was offering free reworking services for anyone who had any type of offensive or racist tattoo that they wanted covered up.

[00:20:57] And one person that came up to his shop [00:21:00] was this young man by the name of Kyle Kessler, and I'm reading his story, and he had just become a father several months prior. He went in to take advantage of that service because he didn't want his son growing up thinking that his father was a racist because his father.

[00:21:17] A rebel flag tattooed on him. So I was like, I wanna talk to that guy, . And I reached out to the guy from the tattoo parlor. Long story short, Kyle and I connected. He were two strangers, completely opposite ends of the spectrum, completely opposite ends of the country. Our worldviews were probably d.

[00:21:42] Our taste and a lot of things were probably different, but what bound us together was the fact that I was a brand new father. He was a brand new father, and now he was seeing the world through a different lens through the eyes of his son. I was seeing the world through the eyes of my son. And we had one of the [00:22:00] most transformative conversations that I've had with someone on the podcast to this day.

[00:22:06] And to me that was like, confirmation, you are doing the right thing here, Cal. So keep doing you.

[00:22:13] Scott Maderer: So when, what podcast episode was that? Do you happen to remember?

[00:22:17] Kelly Jean-Phillipe: Hold on let me look it up right quick. Cuz this was probably episode two. Okay. I wanna say, yeah, let me see. Pretty early on. Oh, very early on.

[00:22:29] And unfortunately a year after that I found out that Kyle passed away. Oh. And that again, I had never met him. But as a result of that podcast, his family who were shocked by the news of his passing away, just for whatever their reasons, they decided to get on Google and put in his name people that he hadn't seen in a while, and our conversation popped up and so they [00:23:00] were able to hear his voice and have a tangible evidence of his voice and his words and his memories. And several of them reached out to me as a re so it, that stands as. Anytime that I feel like, you know what? I don't know if I want to keep doing this. I remember that story and I'm like, no, this is something that's still worth doing.

[00:23:23] Absolutely. Yeah. Let me see. Let me just confirm for you really quickly now that my internet is failing me. All right, here we go. Yes. So this is, yeah, July 8th, 2020, the second episode release. And the Welcome to Fatherhood podcast. It's called black and White Fatherhood, A Conversation with Kyle Kessler.

[00:23:51] Scott Maderer: And I'll put a link to that over in the show notes as well. That, that To that episode so that folks can find it out on iTunes, or obviously they can look it up on [00:24:00] whatever capture they use or podcast app that they use, but still, that way they can at least find it over there. Yeah, because that would be fun.

[00:24:06] An interesting take and like you said it's, so let me ask you why do you think, and that's a good example of it, but why do you think it's so important for fathers? Have that chance to interact and talk to other fathers and hear stories of where they are on that journey?

[00:24:29] Kelly Jean-Phillipe: Yeah, that's a great question. I think that if fatherhood if a man allows himself to be transformed by fatherhood, so much of the stuff that we see and we deal with in our society today, Might be approached in a different way. I'm not gonna go as far as to say it won't exist anymore. All of our problems will be fixed, but I think there would be a lot [00:25:00] more empathy.

[00:25:01] I think there would be a lot more of a sense of brotherhood and understanding, because prior to becoming a Father, Scott, I lived my life according to what seemed right to me. I didn't have to answer to nobody. I'm my own man. If something happens to me that's my mom's job to be worried about me.

[00:25:25] I put myself in that situation. It's my siblings, it's my friend's responsibility. I put myself in that situation. You know why? Because I wanted to do this thing. Whatever that thing is. Now, becoming a father, the world is a totally different thing because. Now one of my biggest worries is I brought this child into this world, and I wanna be here to watch him grow into his full potential.

[00:25:59] I [00:26:00] want to be here to nurture him. I want to be here to protect him. I want to be here to instruct him. I want to be here to pick him up when he falls. I want to be here because I've lived my life already, even though I'm a young. Now my focus is to pour into this individual who I'm responsible for bringing here.

[00:26:19] And so while that is a beautiful thing, it just highlights all of the dangers that have always been there that I never cared about. But now since I feel this great sense of responsibility for this little one who is both me, but different than me now, I'm like, Oh no, I want to be around for this because I want to take part of his success.

[00:26:46] So if fathers who have different political ideologies if men who have different political ideologies, religious ideologies, social ideologies, [00:27:00] whatever other ideologies we are entrenched in as we are growing up in the process prior to becoming fathers, the. Common thread that we now have is that we brought more people into this world that come in very tiny packages,

[00:27:18] Scott Maderer: and no instruction books, by the way,

[00:27:20] Kelly Jean-Phillipe: and no Intruction books.

[00:27:22] And so if I allow myself to be transformed by what it means to take responsibility of someone outside of me, then. , I'm gonna have to wrestle with some of my political ideologies, some of my religious ideologies, some of my social ideologies, because that child, by virtue of his or her existence, will challenge all of that in ways that are completely surprising and unexpected to me.

[00:27:56] So that conversation with Kyle, . [00:28:00] And I'm not here painting Kyle as if he were a racist person or whatever the case is. You can hear the episode and hear his words. But here is a person who had the symbol of something, of a flag that represents a very hurtful and dark time in history for someone who looks like me, right?

[00:28:23] And so for us to be able to have that conversation, and the connection that we're able to make when we've never seen each other face to face. But we're both now talking as men who care about our families, who are wrestling with who we are in terms of the history that we came out of and now the history that we're trying to create with our child.

[00:28:46] It's quite a unique experience. And so all that to say, and I hope I'm answering or responding to your question at least. . I think it's important because a lot of the issues [00:29:00] that we have today and a lot of the ways in which those issues get approached could potentially be fundamentally different if we learn to see these issues through the eyes of our children.

[00:29:13] And the implications that might have.

[00:29:16] Scott Maderer: It's that idea of. I like I was raised with a father that would often say, what? At the time I just took his, that's how my dad talked, and whatnot. And now looking back on it as an adult with a different understanding and a different eye, it's Yeah, he had some racist views.

[00:29:35] That really wasn't an appropriate thing to say or to think but but as a child it's just, that's your dad. That's And it did take time of, and some and work and retrospect and going out and seeing the world in a different way.

[00:29:53] Yeah. And I would say some of that was when I, like you said, when I had my child and went, oh yeah. I'm not gonna talk like [00:30:00] that in front of him, even if part of me thought that, I'm still not gonna say it and and not that I try to think it either, but my point is, you put a filter in place because it's like maybe I don't wanna say that out loud kind of thing.

[00:30:13] Yeah. Yeah. Hundred percent. Because how will he take it? How will he hear it? What will he think? How will he grow up? Yeah. Yeah and you know what, so that process that I'm talking about, I guess going back to a previous question you asked. in 2020 when I came across the Bible Project podcast and the way that was challenging my faith at the time, it caused me to have to unlearn a lot of the things that I learned in my growing up, in my religious tradition that now being faced with this new information, I was just like, this is not good.

[00:30:53] Kelly Jean-Phillipe: Everything that was wrong, not everything, but a lot of the things that were wrong about it just stared me in the face and I had a [00:31:00] decision to make. I either remain loyal to the systems of my tradition for the sake of being true to that system of belief and thought or unlearn as much of that stuff as I can because I can see the negative implications and I can see how hurtful it's been.

[00:31:21] To then try to represent this gospel thing that I give myself to entirely in a more faithful way and in a similar way. That's the thing that I'm talking about with fatherhood. We are all brought up in homes that make up this phrase that I'm adopting recently, which is our cultural matrix.

[00:31:45] Right? We all have a cultural matrix that we belong to. The culture at large, the culture in our home, the culture in our church, whatever the case is. Once I became a dad, that cultural matrix was disrupted by my son [00:32:00] and Being now a father to him. If I want him to get the best out of this world, that means that I'm gonna need to unlearn a lot of the things that I was told within my cultural matrix growing up and even now as an adult, that were the right things.

[00:32:19] Understanding just how harmful and potentially devastating those things can be. So that's the thrust of the podcast and the reason. I think it's so important for coming back full circle for fathers who are standing on opposites and of the spectrum to be able to come together. We're not gonna talk about politics.

[00:32:43] No, dude. I just want to hear how you feel as a dad and inevitably a lot of that stuff is gonna come up and now we'll be able to talk about it with all of our guards. with more empathy and understanding, because I understand [00:33:00] now where Scott is coming from. Scott is as anxious and scared as I am for his reasons.

[00:33:06] For my reasons, but now I understand it.

[00:33:09] Scott Maderer: Yeah. It's the one of the comments I make, and I'll use the political spectrum just cuz it's obvious, but it, I think it fits racially, culturally, gender, whatever, a lot of times I think we fight about things because we think that we're fundamentally different when the reality is we have the same goal.

[00:33:31] Yeah. What we're really fighting about is we disagree about how to get there, . Yeah. We both, all, yeah. I think most fathers, I'm not gonna say all because I'm sure there's an exception to it, there always is. Most fathers want their child to grow up healthy and happy and successful and in a good world.

[00:33:50] And we want those things for our kids, right? A hundred percent. Sometimes we fight about how to get there or what that looks like or what that means. Yeah. But if you can at [00:34:00] least come back and say, but it is true that we both want our child to grow up in a world that respects them and that they respect, and that they're able to be happy and healthy and have opportunities.

[00:34:12] Now, maybe it's a little easier to start talking about the way to get there and not yell at each other yeah. Fight about it. Absolutely. Yeah. Having that common ground. You've talked to a lot of fathers. What do you think are some of the top things or the what your tips or your takeaways or what would you share as the summary of some of the most important things that you think you've heard and you've learned about fatherhood in all of those Convers.

[00:34:39] Kelly Jean-Phillipe: Kind of what I was saying, not so long ago before any man becomes a father, that man was once a little boy who grew up with a father or father figure or father figures, grew up in a family, grew up in a society, lived in a block, in a city, and it, all of [00:35:00] the things that are no. What that does is it shapes that little boy who is now an adolescent, who is now a teenager, who is now a young adult, who is not a, who is now a man, who is now a father.

[00:35:13] It sh all of this trajectory, all of this history, all of these, the social matrix that I'm talking about, shapes who that man is in a recent conversation I was having with someone. He was talking about how between he and his son, he found himself getting very irate that his son would not listen to him when he would say something and the words that he found saying to his son and sometimes even to himself were, I wish you knew how good you had it, because when I was growing up X, Y, and Z, and he said to me that

[00:35:55] It was not until he did some real deep [00:36:00] diving into why he was feeling so angry in those moments that he realize that the narrative that he was allowing to drive his parenting was one to, that was one that he was trying to undo. For his son, everything that his father had done to him. So in other words, he was trying to be a better version of his father so that the end goal would be at some point for his son to say, man, I had a G Dad, you were a great dad.

[00:36:38] Which would be confirmation for him, dad, ha. To to his dad, I was a better man than you. And he said, what gets lost in all of that is, You the father, you are not presenting yourself. You're not being present as who you are with your unique set of gifts, with your [00:37:00] unique set of ways of seeing the world with everything that you have to offer this child that has been entrusted to you regardless of what that history was with your father.

[00:37:13] So I. Big picture, small picture. Overall picture is that if any, if I can get to the point of disassociating my parenting with my child as much as possible from wanting to create my father 2.0. Then. I think I'm doing things the right way. It's impossible to completely remove yourself from that because for obvious reasons.

[00:37:47] However, if I don't have to let my history with my father drive my parenting now with my son, because my father is not the father of my son, I am. And so [00:38:00] now it is my responsibility to make unique choices. to positively impact and influence my son's life, regardless of the circumstances that were created for me when I was growing up.

[00:38:14] Scott Maderer: So that idea of acknowledging your past and your history and where you came from and all of that, but then finding a way to, as best you can, navigate it authentically the way. You feel called to to navigate that? A

[00:38:32] Kelly Jean-Phillipe: hundred percent. Yeah, a hundred percent. Because what happens is, inevitably, so I was reading this story I was reading this book many years ago from one of my seminary professors who wrote a book called Cleansing the Sanctuary of the Heart, one of the most powerful books that I've read.

[00:38:50] And in that chapter, he talks about being in counseling with a young man whose marriage had fallen. . And so as they're [00:39:00] doing the de the digging and processing, that man told the counselor, his name is Dr. David Sachek. He told them that when he was about, I don't remember the exact age, so I'm gonna make it up here.

[00:39:15] Maybe somewhere around seven or eight years old. His father worked a. and whatever was happening in that marriage, his father left the family. And from that moment forward, he determined within himself that he was not going to be like his father. And so he worked very hard. He did well in school. He became very successful.

[00:39:37] He met a young lady, they got married, they got a family, and he worked. And he worked and he. and sitting at that session, this man now realized his son being the same age that he was when his father walked away, now his marriage is falling apart and he was getting ready to walk away. And it was like the cycle repeated [00:40:00] itself almost identically.

[00:40:01] And the point that Dr. Sachek was making in that book is the more you try to not. The the thing that you're running away from, the more you become like that thing. And so how can we acknowledge the hurt? How can we acknowledge even the person who caused us that hurt, work through it not ignore work through it, but not necessarily try to undo.

[00:40:34] Or to not be like it, because then we are robbing ourselves of an opportunity to be who we really ought to be to our own families. ,

[00:40:44] Scott Maderer: you're really talking about forgiveness. Ultimately. Ultimately, yeah. Yeah. It's and like I tell people I, I love my father and my father did a lot of things that I don't admire.

[00:40:57] My father also did a lot of things that I do [00:41:00] admire. And and I've forgiven him for the things that he did that I didn't like and have come to the point of again, I'm not even gonna say I understand them cuz I don't but it's. , but they were, that's, they were things that happened.

[00:41:14] They were him. They were choices he made. I don't have to be you. I don't have to be those choices if makes sense. That's know, I can be me , that's exactly right. Yeah. And yet, and there are still times that every once in a while cuz something comes outta my mouth and it's wait, what was that?

[00:41:30] Oh that was my dad. What did he how did he get here? When did he show up? ? And sometimes they're good things and sometimes they're not so good things. Both cuz I think we've all had that experience of the words come come outta your mouth and you.

[00:41:47] My mother said that, or my dad said that, or how did that happen? I've got a few questions that I like to ask all of my guests, but before I go there, is there anything else about your message about podcasts, about the work that you [00:42:00] do that, that you'd like to

[00:42:01] Kelly Jean-Phillipe: share?

[00:42:01] I'll just go back to what I said earlier. I personally find fatherhood to be such a wonderful experience, such a spiritual experience, such a life transforming experience that I would like just that's what the podcast is about. That's what my message, if you will is.

[00:42:26] Just to encourage men and fathers to really give themselves to to, to that end of things. Yeah, if I can just quickly plug when the podcast comes in. Sure. It, it drops every Wednesday all available podcasting platforms. My website is up at the welcome to Fatherhood. Dot com instead of the word two is the number two, since the word two was already taken

[00:42:58] And yeah. [00:43:00] So that's where people can go and check out more about who I am, who my family is, and where they can find things about the podcast and episodes, and even be able to get a contact with me if they want to to just chat, to potentially come on the show and share their stories.

[00:43:16] Scott Maderer: Awesome. One of the questions that I like to ask everybody is my brand is inspired stewardship, and I talk a lot about stewardship. Yeah. And yet that's one of those words that I've discovered means different things to different people. Yeah. So for you, what is, when you hear the word stewardship, what does it mean to you and what is the impact of that understanding head on your life?

[00:43:35] Kelly Jean-Phillipe: Yeah. I think we talked about this in just the general sense of this conversation. To me, stewardship is, An acknowledgement that everything that I have, everything that I am, is a gift from God. It all originates from him. He made me the way that I am with [00:44:00] all of my unique gifts and abilities for his honor, for his glory.

[00:44:05] and for the benefit of those who are around me. And so stewardship is, to me, is the acknowledgement of that and the understanding of how to put those gifts and how to give myself entirely to this responsibility that God has given me to impact the lives of people in unique ways. So yeah, to me that's what stewardship is.

[00:44:34] Scott Maderer: So this is my favorite question that I like to ask everybody if I invented this magic machine Yeah. And I was able to pick you up from the chair where you sit today and transport you magically into the future 150, maybe 200 years. And through the power of this machine, you were able to look back and see your entire life and see all of the connections, all of the ripples, everything that you've left behind.

[00:44:57] What impact do you hope you've left on the [00:45:00] world?

[00:45:02] Kelly Jean-Phillipe: Yeah that's a deep question, man. If you ever do make that machine, just let me know. . . So I think that in that scenario, I think the most humbling thing for me would be to see not my son. Or his sons or children

[00:45:26] Scott Maderer: or those children's.

[00:45:28] Kelly Jean-Phillipe: Children's, but generations after that who still feel like they're connected to this message that I am putting out into the world today.

[00:45:44] If they, if I can see that my

[00:45:47] Scott Maderer: Great,

[00:45:48] Kelly Jean-Phillipe: great grandchildren. Still feel passionately about who they are in and of themselves in their own skin. Who they are as [00:46:00] sons and daughters of the most high who they are in relation to the family that they come from and the heritage that they belong to.

[00:46:11] Then, That's a good Tuesday for me, . But also more importantly, by watching, if I can see that they're mimicking or replicating in their own ways through their own unique gifts what I'm trying to do now and allowing my gifts to be a blessing to others, to change somebody else's life perspective then that would be.

[00:46:40] That would be the ultimate thing for me right

[00:46:43] Scott Maderer: there.

[00:46:47] So what's coming next as you continue on this journey of living your call?

[00:46:52] Kelly Jean-Phillipe: I think I want to keep growing this platform definitely expanding to [00:47:00] exploring more topics of conversation more. Trying to get in the weeds of some of the issues that are pertinent to my experience as a father.

[00:47:09] One of the things that I hope to start soon, and by saying this publicly, I am putting my feet to the fire a little bit, is that I want to start creating a group of men and fathers who are willing to have those types of conversations. Right now we're still trying to figure out how this whole covid thing is working.

[00:47:35] Thankfully, we've gone back to in-person settings for the most part. So I don't know if it would be something in person or online through Zoom and what have you, but I, my goal is to be able to get a small number of man and father. As diverse as possible, like we were talking about earlier, from plugged into different areas of our [00:48:00] society who are humble enough and willing enough to have really difficult conversations through the lens of fatherhood in either the same physical room or the same virtual room.

[00:48:12] So that's one of the projects that I'm currently working on right now. And something that I really want to get off the ground very. . Awesome.

[00:48:22] Scott Maderer: Yeah that'll be interesting to see how that shapes up. So you can follow Kelly on Instagram as welcome to Fatherhood Pod, or he has information over on Facebook as WT Fatherhood podcast.

[00:48:39] Or as he mentioned earlier, you can find out more about his podcast at welcome, the number two fatherhood.com. Of course, I'll have links to all of that over the show notes as well. Kelly, is there anything else you'd like to share with the.

[00:48:54] Kelly Jean-Phillipe: Just allow yourself to be fully transformed by this [00:49:00] calling, this journey, this

[00:49:01] Scott Maderer: responsibility, this role of being

[00:49:05] Kelly Jean-Phillipe: a father.

[00:49:05] Recently I said to someone, don't spend so much time trying to be the father you wish you had. Just be the father that God created you to be for your child. And to me, that's a good frame for moving forward. And this journey of fatherhood. So that's what I would leave our listeners with. Just be, just lean into your gifts, lean into your abilities, but also be responsible and work through your history.

[00:49:38] Especially if it's a bad one. Don't be afraid to seek professional help. Don't be afraid to seek counseling. Don't be afraid to reach out to fellow dads in your church or in your community. People who are able to help you work through some things that you feel the need to work through so that you can be the best version of who you are [00:50:00] with your unique set of abilities and gifts for your.

[00:50:15] Scott Maderer: Thanks so much for listening to the Inspired Stewardship Podcast. As a subscriber and listener, we challenge you to not just sit back and passively listen. But act on what you've heard and find a way to live your calling. If you enjoyed this episode please do us a favor. Go over to inspired stewardship.com/itunes.

[00:50:42] Rate all one word. iTunes rate. It'll take you through how to leave a rating and review, and how to make sure you're subscribed to the podcast so that you can get every episode as it comes out in your feed. Until next time, [00:51:00] invest your time, your talent, and your treasures. Develop your influence and impact the world.