Episode 1114: The Paradox Mindset

[00:00:00] Scott Maderer: Thanks for joining me on episode 1,114 of the inspired stewardship podcast.

[00:00:07] Aaron Walker: Hi, my name is Aaron Walker, I'm president and founder of the mastermind playbook. Masterminds are a great way to intentionally grow yourself and invest in others. And one way to be inspired to serve others well is to listen to this, the inspired stewardship podcast with my good friend, Scott.

[00:00:28] Scott Maderer: and then what happens is you can actually play that out in the world and actually try it out and test. See how it works, give it a good go. So to speak. And this mindset of both an is one way, and it's a really good way of overcoming the challenges that come when we're living in a time of tension and worry like today.

[00:00:54] Welcome and thank you for joining us on the inspired stewardship podcasts. If you [00:01:00] truly desire to become the person who God wants you to be, then you must learn to use your time, your talent and your treasures for your true color. In the inspired stewardship podcast. We'll learn to invest in yourself, invest in others and develop your influence so that you can impact the world.

[00:01:20] In today's episode about impacting the world through stewarding your talent. I talk with you about something called the paradox mindset. I share how this approach can help make difficult decisions easier. And I also share the three steps that can help you approach this mindset and use it for difficult situations.

[00:01:41] You've heard me talk about developing your talent and one of the best ways to do that is through. But if you're like most people today, it's hard to find the time to read. And that's why today's podcast is brought to you by audible. Go to inspired stewardship.com/audible to [00:02:00] sign up and you can get a 30 day free trial.

[00:02:03] There's over 180,000 titles to choose from. And you can pick one and listen your way to developing your talents via. That's inspired stewardship.com/audible to get your free trial and listen to great books the same way you're listening to this podcast. I came across a psychology article and a research paper about something known as the paradox minus.

[00:02:32] What was interesting is as I was reading the description of this, I realized this is something that I actually talk about a lot, both in my coaching, as well as here on the podcast. And it's the idea of making sure that you look at the world, not just as an either or kind of decision making process, but looking at things with a both and binary.

[00:02:54] And in fact, this article in this research paper went on to point out how, in [00:03:00] times of change uncertainty and scarcity, we need to develop a mindset of both and instead of either, or to deal with that tension. And yet instead, what we often do is try to do and treat everything in a defensive way as a zero sum or either, or if I win, you lose kind of approach.

[00:03:22] And that uncertainty, fear and anxiety actually causes more of this. And I think that's probably part of what we're seeing in the world, both in response to the pandemic. And even before that, whereas people begin to look at the world as a very either or kind of arrangement. You get a lot of polarization, you get a lot of drive to the edges because when we prioritize one thing, we immediately feel like we're missing out on some.

[00:03:51] Take a work situation. For example, if I was spending time at work, then I'm not spending time with my family and that can lead to feelings [00:04:00] of guilt and blame and inner talk about how I should spend more time with my kids. I shouldn't spend more time with my spouse. This feeling of guilt and blame can then lead to a negative spiral that causes you to feel even worse about it.

[00:04:16] And then you end up going ahead and spending time with your family. And yet, because you're spending time with your family, you immediately recognize that you're not spending time at work, and now you have blame and guilt feelings about that. And so instead of feeling better, it actually makes you feel worse.

[00:04:37] And this paradox mindset that they were talking about is learning to live with the tension of competing demands, recognizing that no matter what those competing demands are always going to exist and you can't ever really resolve them, they can't ever be completely eliminated. This is what I say. When I say there's always an opportunity cost, [00:05:00] whether it comes with money or.

[00:05:01] There's always an opportunity cost your family life and your work life are going to continue regardless of what choice you make. And that tension will continue regardless of what choice you make as well, because it's always going to be there. Yes, tomorrow's challenge may be a little different than today, but it's still going to be a challenge.

[00:05:25] And the idea here is to refocus and reframe this decision and saying, it's not a matter of having to choose between work and family. Instead, it's about learning to bring these into harmony or balance, whatever word you want to use so that these demands work together instead of being a. If working at home is a challenge.

[00:05:49] Okay. How can I integrate work and family in a way that works? If working at work is a challenge. Okay. How can I integrate work and family in a [00:06:00] way that works? Learning how to manage those sorts of competing demands begins to get rid of that emotional cognitive dissonance that you have of, if I'm spending time with my family, I should be spending time at work.

[00:06:13] And if I'm spending time at work, I should be spending time with my family. Instead, you would be able to dedicate some time to work, but also some. And you can balance that tension. And this is called the paradoxical mindset. When we realized that one demand actually enables the. Work, maybe enabling family time and that we therefore need both to thrive.

[00:06:42] Then we can use those mental resources that were previously being burned up with guilt and feelings of worry and all of those things, and actually put them to work, coming up with good ways to improve the overall situation. And [00:07:00] it actually turns out that it works. So this works a well, especially in areas where it's a really difficult decision, that balance between family time and work time.

[00:07:12] For instance, for a lot of people can be really difficult. And so how can we actually do it? How can we begin to move our mind from thinking either or to thinking both. And the three steps are relatively simple that they lay out in this paper. One, reframe the question or reframe the idea to move, to accept the tension and develop comfort with the discomfort and three distance yourself and search for new possibilities.

[00:07:42] And I would argue that number two is probably the key and the most difficult. When you reframe the question, instead of thinking about the pain of the tension, begin to think about the enhancement, the enrichments, the goodness, what does this tension add [00:08:00] to my life? Should I continue with what I'm doing or should I pivot and instead think about that from an either or should I pivot or should I continue see how that's an either or to, how can I both continue on this path and make a change?

[00:08:16] How can one thing that I'm doing improve upon the other, how can I do something in one area of my life that actually makes the other area better? How can I reposition my time or my money or my assets in a way that adds value to all components of my life. Instead of asking a limiting question, ask an open-ended kind of growth question that focuses on the improvement.

[00:08:44] It's difficult, but it's something that most people can begin to learn to do. And it's something that I do a lot in coaching when I try to help people reframe from an either or to a both end mindset. The second one though, is becoming [00:09:00] accepting of the tension and developing comfort with the. And part of that is just understanding that this is going to be a natural part of existence and experience.

[00:09:10] Everyone feels this. It is a natural state. It's common. Don't worry about the fact that it's weird. Cause it's not. We have a difficult time thinking about and bearing with inconsistencies and change and challenge. But if you practice it and pay attention on the, to the benefits of it and focus on the wins of it, you begin to get more comfortable over time.

[00:09:37] Again, this is something that just requires practice. And then the last distance yourself and search for new possibilities. This is about recognizing that tensions actually provide new meanings and new possibilities. It can be overwhelming. It can be paralyzing, but distance yourself from the [00:10:00] problem. Try to withdraw from it.

[00:10:01] Take some time to yourself, maybe even connect with other people that have solved the problem in some way. Work with a coach or someone else who's outside of the decision and let them begin to help you reframe and get comfortable with it. So that tension allows you to see the new possibilities that is distancing yourself in searching for new possibilities.

[00:10:27] And then what happens is you can actually play that out in the world and actually try it out and test it, see how it works. Give it a good go. So to speak. And this mindset of both and is one way, and it's a really good way of overcoming the challenges that come when we're living in a time of tension and worry like today.

[00:10:53] Thanks for this.

[00:10:54] Thanks so much for listening to the inspired stewardship podcast, as a [00:11:00] subscriber and listener, we challenge you to not just sit back and passively listen, but act on what you've heard and find a way to live your calling. If you liked this episode on the stewardship of talent, you can go over to inspired stewardship.com/.

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