Episode 1059: Can’t Versus Won’t

[00:00:00] Scott Maderer: Thanks for joining me on episode 1059 of the inspired stewardship podcast.

[00:00:07] Linda Bjork: I'm Linda Bjork. I challenge you to invest in yourself. Invest in others, develop your influence and impact the world by using your time, your talent and your treasures to live out your calling. Having the ability to transform your life with hope is key.

[00:00:26] And one way to be inspired to do that is to listen to this, the inspired stewardship podcast with my friend, Scott Mader.

[00:00:34] Scott Maderer: but at the same time, I think all too often, we undersell our abilities to do things. We make things into a cant. When in reality, there are. And if you think back about it and you really ask yourself, is this something that I want bad enough? Is this something that I have a big enough? Why and what can I do to [00:01:00] begin?

[00:01:01] Welcome, and thank you for joining us on the inspired stewardship podcasts. If you truly desire to become the person who God wants you to be, then you must learn to use your time, your talent and your treasures for your true. And the inspired stewardship podcast, we'll learn to invest in yourself, invest in others and develop your influence so that you can impact the world.

[00:01:27] In today's episode about investing in yourself through stewarding your talent. I talk with you about the difference between can't and won't I share how one is powerful and the other removes. And I also share how many things we think are can't are really just won't. You've heard me talk about developing your talent and what are the best ways to do that is through books.

[00:01:51] But if you're like most people today, it's hard to find the time to read. And that's why today's podcast is brought to you by audible. Go to [00:02:00] inspired stewardship.com/audible to sign up. And you can get a 30 day free trial. There's over 180,000 titles to choose from, and you can pick one and listen your way to developing your talents via audible.

[00:02:17] That's inspired stewardship.com/audible. To get your free trial and listen to great books the same way you're listening to this podcast. Talk before about how the words we use when we talk about things and think about things really matters. One of those is about can't and won't I can't do something versus I won't do something.

[00:02:42] The interesting thing is we use the word. I can't a lot, even when it's really clear that. It's one of the reasons that when someone says to you, I can't do that or I can't be there, or I can't go to that event. You often don't believe him. You believe [00:03:00] that's actually an excuse that they're making that they're trying to make you feel better about the fact that they're not going to be there, but in reality, they can do it.

[00:03:08] They're just choosing not to think about it. Answer the phone and say, I can't talk right now. But you just, did you just talked on the phone to tell someone that you can't talk on the. It's one of those words that we use in a really weird way, the truth is that the word can't implies that you lack the ability to do something and don't get me wrong.

[00:03:35] I'm not doing that smart Aleke thing that teachers used to do to you in school. And I was a teacher and I used to do it too. When someone said can I go to the restroom? And the answer is I hope. We use the word can't to imply something different than it really means. We really use the word can't as a soft way of saying, I am choosing not to do this.

[00:03:58] I [00:04:00] won't do it. But the truth is that when it comes to anxiety and worry, when it comes to. Decisions we make about important things we use can't sometimes to let ourselves off the hook from owning our own decisions from owning the ability to make a choice. The word can't in our own head often is a way of dismissing the power that we have.

[00:04:29] It's a way of saying I don't have the power to do that. I can't do it. Unable to, I can't actually make that happen as opposed to owning the power that you have the power of choice, the power to actually own the decision. I'm choosing not to do that. I won't be able to be there. It's a different thinking.[00:05:00]

[00:05:00] I've had people in and I've talked to folks that have gone through therapy and I've gone through therapy. In various times in my life. But the interesting thing is when I was talking to a therapist and they were talking about somebody who said, I can't get in the elevator. And they said in their mind, they picture that there was this force field that appeared in front of the elevator and the person would step to go to, into the elevator and then bounce off the force field.

[00:05:26] So they actually took the person out of their office and out into the lobby and up to the elevator. And they said, can you show me how. Try to go into the elevator. You physically are unable to do that. They weren't being a smart Alec. They were trying to get the person to recognize that it wasn't a cat.

[00:05:46] It was a wont because as they recognize that it's a won't, then they can begin to work on it. And the person actually started laughing. They said there isn't a force field. I just, I won't go in there because. It's just, [00:06:00] it's intimidating to me. It's scary to me. It's cost or phobic. I get feel like I'm closed in and now they were actually talking about the emotions and the feelings and the things that they had going on in their head.

[00:06:14] And that was the end. That was the connection. That was the way the therapist could begin to work with them and let them gain the power back. And by the way, It's perfectly okay. If the person never, ever learns to get in the elevator. And that's just something that they can't do. That's not the end of the world, but we have these sorts of decisions that we make throughout our life.

[00:06:37] Not just about getting on an elevator, but about hanging out with people about who we choose to be in relationship with about what we do with our life. I can't leave my job. Is it. Or is it won't, is it because you're being wise and you're waiting until you're in the right position or will that [00:07:00] position never actually come?

[00:07:02] And what you're doing is saying can't as a way of dismissing the ability that you have to actually make a different decision with your. I think it's important as we go through these things to think to ourselves, is this a cant or is this a won't? Because only when we recognize that, sure. There are some things in this world that you simply cannot do.

[00:07:29] I can't go build a spaceship at my. I don't have the monetary. I don't have the time. I don't have the knowledge. I don't have the skillset. And honestly, I don't have the desire. So it's also a won't I'm won't do that. But if I was to say to myself, I can't ever get into a position where I could ride in a spaceship.

[00:07:53] It's very expensive right now to take one of these trips and space X or one of these other things. Could I get [00:08:00] in a position where I could do that. If that was really my end goal, could I build their relationships with the right people? Are I, could I build the right monetary assets or could I build the right connections where I could do that?

[00:08:12] Possibly. And even if I began to strive towards that and I never achieved it, I would still be making progress. And a desire that I had a goal that I had, by the way, that's not a goal that I have. I deliberately tried to pick something that was a little bit ridiculous in a way to prove that even in a weird far out there decision, you probably have more won't than can't in your life.

[00:08:41] And yet we can't all over ourselves. We can't do this. We can't. Change our life. We can't live out our calling. We can't do things that are really important to us. We can't do these things. When in reality, it's often that we [00:09:00] simply won't try. We simply won't take the risk. We simply won't take the next step to make it happen.

[00:09:08] And I'm not suggesting that you go out and just foolishly do whatever you want at any time. I think most of you have listened to the podcast long enough. And if you haven't, you can go back and listen to them and figure out that that is not my mindset. I do think people should prepare themselves and do things in a wise way.

[00:09:27] I think we're called to do that. But at the same time, I think all too often, we undersell our abilities to do things. We make things into a can't when in reality they're a won't. And if you think back about it and you really ask yourself, is this something that I want bad enough? Is this something that I have a big enough, why and what can I do to begin taking those incremental steps in that direction?

[00:09:59] [00:10:00] Then a lot of cats and a lot of loans turn into can and will. Thanks for listening.

[00:10:09] Thanks so much for listening to the inspired stewardship podcast. As a subscriber and listener, we challenge you to not just sit back and passively. But act on what you've heard and find a way to live your calling. If you liked this episode on the stewardship of talent, you can go over to inspired stewardship.com/talent and sign up for our five week series on the stewardship of talent.

[00:10:40] Or if you're in the us, you can text 4, 4, 2, 2, 2. Talent tips. That's talent tips to 4 4, 2, 2, 2, and get those tips until next time. Invest your time, your talent and your treasures. Develop your influence and [00:11:00] impact the world.