Episode 1046: Develop Your Influence - Interview with NLP specialist and coach Gemma Bailey – Part 3

[00:00:00] Scott Maderer: Thanks for joining us on episode 1046 of the inspired stewardship podcast.

[00:00:07] Gemma Bailey: I'm Gemma Bailey. I challenge you to invest in yourself, invest in others, develop your influence and impact the world. You can do this by using your time, your talent and your treasures to live out your calling, having the ability to succeed.

[00:00:22] No matter what circumstances you find yourself in is key on one way to be inspired to do. Is to listen to this, the inspired stewardship podcast with my friend, Scott Mader

[00:00:35] And so I need them to wrap their head around the idea that if they're going to make their business successful, they're not going to be able to do it whilst hiding behind the local. Their faces need to be out there. And the world wants to see who it is. That's going to potentially be working with their child.[00:01:00]

[00:01:00] Scott Maderer: Welcome. And thank you for joining us on the inspired stewardship podcasts. If you truly desire to become the person who God wants you to be, then you must learn to use your time, your talent and your treasures for your true calling in the inspired stewardship podcast. We'll learn to invest in. Invest in others and develop your influence so that you can impact the world

[00:01:25] in today's interview with Jim Bailey, I asked Jemma to share her tips on developing influence. I also asked Jemma about her work with franchise owners in her business. And Gemma also shares how both bad and good experiences affect our influence. One reason I like to bring you great interviews. Like the one you're going to hear today is because of the power in learning from others.

[00:01:51] Another great way to learn from others is through reading books. But if you're like most people today, you find it hard to find the time to sit down and [00:02:00] read. And that's why today's podcast is brought to you by audible. Go to inspired stewardship.com/audible to sign up and you can get a 30 day free trial.

[00:02:11] There's over 180,000 titles to choose from. And instead of reading, you can listen your way to learn from some of the greatest minds out there. That's inspired stewardship.com/audible to get your free trial and listen to great books the same way you're listening to this podcast. Gemma Bailey is the director of people building a personal and professional development company, specializing in NLP, training, hypnosis and coaching.

[00:02:42] She is the creator and franchisor for NLP, for kids, a company that teaches practitioners how to help children, families, and schools with mild to moderate mental health issues. She owns a school. Therapy company called the hypnotherapy in NLP clinic is an [00:03:00] international speaker, an Arthur, a YouTuber, and a director for a nonprofit organization called superheroes.

[00:03:08] Welcome to the show, Gemma,

[00:03:10] Gemma Bailey: thank you so much for having me,

[00:03:13] Scott Maderer: Jim. One thing that people often think of as developing their influence is being a leader. But I've learned over the years of, as I've been asking different people, we all have a different definition of what that actually means. So how would you define being a leader in leadership?

[00:03:35] Gemma Bailey: Good question. I've had a different, a few different sorts of leadership roles and. I guess there is a common thread that runs through each of them, even though they've all been in quite wildly different situations and scenarios. I think that being a good leader is about setting the right example for other people to follow.

[00:03:59] [00:04:00] So I, I feel like when you are a leader, you are under a bit of a magnifying glass and you have to be. On all the time, like you always have to be on your game. When I think about the difference between say 16 year old me, when I was working in a shop and the job didn't really mean that much to me and someone else was in charge, how easy my life was back then.

[00:04:32] In a way I could get away with maybe going to work a little bit hung over, or just not being the best version of myself half doing the job. And actually no one expected a great deal more from me than that because it wasn't my responsibility. But as a leader, you have to be on top of your game as much as you possibly can be because other people are [00:05:00] following your example.

[00:05:01] And if you want others to do well, then you have to show them what doing well. Looks like. So an example of this would be with my NLP for kids team. I have a WhatsApp group. And every morning I post an image in the WhatsApp group of my to-do list for that day. So all of the different tasks I'm going to do that day.

[00:05:25] And then at the end of the day, I post the same list with the stuff crossed off that I actually got done. And the additions that might've got thrown on there along the way as well. And I'm not doing that to be smug. Maybe a little bit, but I'm mainly doing it because that's the kind of level that I want them as my franchisees to be working.

[00:05:50] And then, so if I want them to be outputting at 90%, I need to be demonstrating a hundred percent. So I [00:06:00] think being a big part of being a leader is setting the example of what it is that you want to see. The other thing I would say about leadership is. It's quite solitary because you can be a leader and you are parts of the team, but you're also not part of the team.

[00:06:20] You're also separate from that. And I think that's perhaps why leadership isn't for everybody, because you have to reconcile in yourself that. Sometimes when you're the leader, you're not in on everything because you're not part of the team in the same way as everyone else is. And so there is this kind of separation and part of that is because you might also have.

[00:06:51] And enforcer of whatever laws there are around your leadership. So that separates you for one thing. Also because you are [00:07:00] setting this super example that separates you in another way. But I think that's, it's also a really important part of leadership. I've made mistakes in the past with my office team at people building where I've maybe.

[00:07:17] I don't want to say I've been too friendly because I don't regret being friends with any of my staff until I do. And there is, there's definitely been points in the past where suddenly becomes very difficult to maybe discipline or enforce certain rules because. I've adapted my position with them to lean more towards a friendship than a leadership.

[00:07:48] And that's because I felt uncomfortable with being separate from the group. And I've had to recognize that and really just learn to live with [00:08:00] it so that when I need to say this isn't good enough, or you're not performing as I'd like you to at the moment. Can we have a chat about that? That my position is respecting.

[00:08:14] Because if they think that I'm just one of the crowd, then getting them to change or improve what they're doing is much more challenging. So I think leadership whilst it obviously has its perks. And I think from an ego perspective can make you feel quite good. There's definitely a downside in that you are not quite one of the crowd in the same way that you would be.

[00:08:40] If you were a regular member of the team.

[00:08:42] Scott Maderer: So when you are working with the franchisees that you work with to help them develop their influence and what they do, how do you help them focus on going beyond just their immediate circle and growing [00:09:00] themselves and their businesses.

[00:09:00] Gemma Bailey: I think it, it probably starts very early in their experience of working with me.

[00:09:08] So sometimes I will have people that join the team who are not on social media. Those people exist. And I might be talking to them about things like Facebook advertising and they haven't even got a Facebook account set up yet. And they might be really uncomfortable with the idea of doing those sorts of things.

[00:09:30] Partly because they maybe aren't tech savvy. Partly because they don't necessarily want to have a public profile in the way that I, and some other members of the team. But actually people buy from people. And so I need them to wrap their head around the idea that if they're going to make their business successful, they're not going to be able to do it whilst hiding behind the logo.

[00:09:59] [00:10:00] Their faces need to be out there. And the world wants to see who it is. That's going to potentially be working with their child. Now that we have had the experience of COVID and locked down. I think that people are a lot more open-minded about how far their reach can go more than they ever were before.

[00:10:24] So for us previously, we're working in a therapeutic capacity with children and young people at NLP for kids. And we would, for the most part, see them in face-to-face live sessions. And for a long time, we believe that was not just the best way to do it, but probably really the only way to do it, or the only way to do it well.

[00:10:51] And then when lockdown happened, It was a case of we either suck up this new zoom way of living or we're [00:11:00] going to sink. And so we had to start like expanding our reach and working with people in a different way. And so it it was maybe another one of those kind of stepping off the cliff edge and doing something different that we hadn't done before and going through a new experience, working with people in a very different way.

[00:11:21] Unfortunately it worked, but what it's also done is it's meant that we're not just working with the person that lives around the corner anymore. It means that we're working with people from all over, literally all over. I did a workshop a couple of weeks ago for a company who run park or sessions for children wanted to.

[00:11:46] Do some belief change, work with their staff and are based in Seattle. And I did a live training session with them via zoom. And so I think that for people that joined the organization [00:12:00] now they can see that those sorts of things are happening. And so we're all a lot more, open-minded about expanding our reach and making contact with a wider world than we ever would have before.

[00:12:13] Scott Maderer: So when it comes to experiences that actually develop us and influence us and others, what do you see as more powerful to us? Good experiences or bad ones?

[00:12:25] Gemma Bailey: I would love to say the good ones, but I don't necessarily think that's the answer. I think. Just by the nature of how the human brain works, negative experiences on a physiological level, have a great impact on the design and the makeup, even the structure of the human brain.

[00:12:51] And so these do lend themselves to really. Changing, perhaps our belief [00:13:00] systems, what we value the way in which we think the things that we will do, the things that we will avoid. I think it's easy for us to disregard good experiences, not completely, but to maybe not indulge in them in the same way that we might do.

[00:13:18] So with a negative experience, when we have positive experiences. I think it may have something to do with the fact that you can't really quantify emotion. Like how do you know when you've had enough happy? How do you know how much love is enough? Love. A continuous experience and it's, it can, there could always be more.

[00:13:48] And so I think when it comes to positive experiences, something can be good, but there could always be something better. And I think that. Perhaps on knowingly and [00:14:00] unwittingly, we end up minimizing what could be really positive, good experiences by weighing it up against something else that maybe hasn't even happened and might never happen, but could be better.

[00:14:12] I think it's a very powerful experience to go back into our positive experiences and emotions that we've had from the past. And it can be incredibly helpful to us to do that. So we use a process in an LP and I'll use this with the clients that I coach. To help them overcome negative emotions in the moment in a super quick way.

[00:14:38] And I'll get them to recall a time in the past when they experienced a really strong, positive emotion. And then we correlate that with an action such as squeezing their fingers together or making a fist. And we repeat the process several times over, save it. What the brain starts to do is to connect that action that they're making with.

[00:14:59] [00:15:00] Positive emotion that they're recalling. And then later on, there'll be able to do that action and bring back the positive emotions that went with the memory. So it's a bit like Pavlovian theory in that way. The really interesting thing about doing that exercise with someone is that as well as giving them the tools to be able to get into that positive emotion at a later stage, Is that just by the process of recalling the memory, they make themselves feel good in that.

[00:15:30] And I'll often say to people how did just thinking about it make you feel? And they're like, yeah, it's really good. It was such a lovely memory. It's super powerful. If you use positive emotions from the past, and there are some emotions that are naturally stronger than others. You could ask someone, can you remember a time when you felt really happy?

[00:15:52] And that will do something for them. If you say to them, can you remember a time in the past when you fell down laughing [00:16:00] and it seemed ridiculous, but you could not stop when you asked someone to tune into a memory like that. Instantly see their physiology shift. And if you get them to close their eyes and recall that memory, they will start giggling all over again.

[00:16:17] And it's such a beautiful thing because that's contagious because then I'll end up giggling and I don't even know what they're laughing at half the time. And then we're both giggling, they're giggling more because I'm giggling. And so those positive memories are in there. They are installed.

[00:16:32] They are powerful. But we tend not to ruminate over those ones quite as much as we do with the negative ones.

[00:16:41] Scott Maderer: We're more, yeah, we're more programmed by loss aversion than we are by gain. In most cases which is another way of saying. Yeah. We tend to look at negative longer and harder, and then we look at positive.

[00:16:55] It's very easy. It's Y you buy the brand new car and [00:17:00] you're all excited by it. And three weeks later, it's yeah, just the car. And actually on that note, I think it's something that we, knowing that having that conscious awareness of it, we can make a greater effort.

[00:17:13] Gemma Bailey: To take time and go, wow, aren't I lucky or didn't I do well at that. Wow. That was such an important thing that happened in my life. Just taking stock of those good things that have happened to us in our lives. I mentioned to you the other week about how my house is quite artsy and there's all sorts of different decorations and things hanging off the walls all over the place.

[00:17:38] And. Just like you said, with the new car experience, it's easy for me to walk through the door and just fill up there I'm home. And I make a conscious effort to look around every now and again and go wow, this place is so cool. And I'm very fortunate because it's quite a quirky building as well.

[00:17:57] That if I have like a trades [00:18:00] person who comes in, like the electrician comes or a plumber comes or something like. It's a very unexpected experience cause it's done a little narrow alleyway. And so people think it's going to be all small and pokey and dark. And then as soon as they walk up the first flight of stairs and see the place, everyone who sees it for the first time.

[00:18:18] Oh, wow. And in that moment I have to recapture it and go, yeah, this is an oh wow. House. Aren't I lucky to live in an old wow. A house. And I think if we can program ourselves to make those conscious efforts to go, isn't this good? Wasn't that great on our lucky, then that's how we can start to tap back into those good feelings.

[00:18:44] More readily.

[00:18:45] Scott Maderer: You can follow Gemma on Twitter, Instagram, or Facebook as at people building. And she's active over on YouTube as well. If you start for people building, she has a website. People [00:19:00] building.co.uk. Of course she's also active on LinkedIn is Gemma Bailey. I'll have links to all of this over in the show notes as well for everybody.

[00:19:08] Jim, is there anything else that you'd like to share with

[00:19:10] Gemma Bailey: the listener? I would absolutely encourage people to get onto the people building podcast, which you can find via all of the major podcasting outlets. We have a series of hypnosis audios as well. Which if you're into self-hypnosis, we've got a massive suite of different subject areas that you can explore.

[00:19:32] Those were available via iTunes. They're also available on the people building website and all of our training these days is done remotely. So it's partially via videos that you initially work through. And complete assessments around and then the rest of it is alive, but online. So both for the work that I do with NLP, for kids and with people building that is now accessible the world over.

[00:19:59] And so if [00:20:00] anyone's interested in the kind of work that I do and is interested in gaining a qualification for themselves, definitely hop on over to either NLP for kids.org or people building, which is people building.co.uk.

[00:20:12] Scott Maderer: Thanks so much for listening to the inspired stewardship podcast, as a subscriber and listener, we challenge you to not just sit back and passively listen, but act on what you've heard and find a way to live your calling. If you enjoy this episode. Please do us a favor. Go over to inspired stewardship.com/itunes rate.

[00:20:40] All one word iTunes rate. It'll take you through how to leave a rating and review and how to make sure you're subscribed to the podcast so that you can get every episode as it comes out in your feed until next time investor. Your talent and [00:21:00] your treasures develop your influence and impact the world.