00:00:00 This is another special rebroadcast of Episode 14 an early episode where we talked about why influence is not a dirty word. Hey, I'm Nick Pav leaders from the Confessions of a Terrible Husband podcast. I challenge you to not be a terrible husband or wife or friend like me by being intentional about stewarding your relationships. One way to be inspired to be a better husband is toe. Listen to this. The inspired stewardship podcast with my friend Scott made her leaders leaders, influences people to follow them and go somewhere and do something often something that those people don't believe they can do.
00:00:51 Welcome. And thank you for joining us on the inspired stewardship podcast. If you truly desire to become the person who God wants you to be, then you must learn to use your time, your talent and your treasures for your true calling in, the inspired George of podcast will learn to invest in yourself, invest in others and develop your influence so that you can impact the world. Join us today as we talk about why influence is not the same as manipulation, how influences often telling people the hard truth and how leadership is influence.
00:01:49 But influence is not always leadership and how leadership is not about who sits in the corner office and lots more. Today's episode is focusing on influencing others and on talent and the talent I want to focus on a little bit today is called Leadership, one of the mentors I have in my life. I'm very lucky. Tohave is John Maxwell, and he's famously quoted as saying that leadership is influence. Nothing Maur nothing less. And that's what I'm focused on this week. Influence. Yeah, I was told by some folks,
00:02:39 when I've put that into the subtitle and description of the podcast that one of the things I wanted to talk about was developing your influence. There were a couple of people that told me, Oh, no, you can't use that word influences that influence is bad. It's It's a negative word as a negative connotation, and I guess it can. To some people, I guess the word influence somehow implies that you're taking and making people to do something against their will. But I contend that that's really called something different.
00:03:16 That's manipulation. Influence in manipulation are not the same thing, and what makes them different is the intent behind them.
00:03:30 Influences about trying to move people toe action because that action is best for them. While manipulation is trying to move people to action because that action is best for you,
00:03:50 you could do the exact same things and look at them and see them from outside. And it may be hard to tell.
00:04:00 Is this influence or is this manipulation because the actions are the same, the words or the same? Everything appears at a surface level to be the same,
00:04:13 but behind it, the intent of the individual doing it is different. And that's what can make influence negative or appear to be negative is because it's really not influence anymore.
00:04:27 It's manipulation. I mean, look at something like if you're online and you're looking around, you see these scarcity mindsets.
00:04:37 You see the idea of, you know by this now, because we're going to run out. There's a limited number,
00:04:42 there's a limited number of seats. There's a limited number of whatever and if it's that's a really thing.
00:04:49 If that's true, then it's good to tell people that it's good to tell people I've only got 100 of these and that's it.
00:04:57 I've made these. There's 100 of them. And when the 100 or sold, I'm not gonna make any more if that's true.
00:05:04 But occasionally I'll see somebody put something like an electronic book or a Kindle book out and put scarcely on it and pretend like it's limited in supply.
00:05:16 It's not. Even a physical book is usually not completely limited in supply. You can have it reprinted if it's cost effective.
00:05:26 So these sorts of tactics of using scarcity there tends to be manipulative, tends to be false, and people can sense that.
00:05:36 And that's the truth. You know, you've had people try to influence you, and you've had people try to manipulate you,
00:05:42 and you've probably got a pretty good internal meter that begins to tell you, at least after a little bit of time.
00:05:51 Is this manipulation or is this influence? Does this person have my best interest at heart, or do they have their own best interest at heart?
00:06:04 And they're just trying to get me to do something because it will help them? Having the guts to recognize that and a walk away from manipulation is really hard to do.
00:06:19 I mean, look at advertising. Ah, lot of the minute. A lot of the stuff that's in advertising is manipulation.
00:06:29 But if you're telling the truth to someone about something that's different influences about truth, manipulation is about lies.
00:06:43 I'll give you an example. You know, by now you've probably picked up on the fact that I'm a coach and I label myself a stewardship coach.
00:06:50 I help people get unstuck so that they can live their calling, and I help in three areas time,
00:06:58 talent and treasures. One of the things I tell people is, if you're trying to make a change,
00:07:06 and let's just take finances an example, if you're trying to turn your money around, if you've been living a certain way and in debt up to your eyeballs and now you want to make a change that's going to be hard,
00:07:20 even with coaching, coaching can help you, but it's still going to be hard. It's gonna be really hard.
00:07:28 It's not easy, but it is worth it. That's the key. Are you willing to do the hard work?
00:07:38 Then it's worth it. And so sometimes telling people the hard truth instead of telling him Oh yeah, If you just sign up with me,
00:07:48 don't worry about it. We'll get you out of debt in no time flat. He will send these letters to the creditors that are after you and they'll forgive the debt.
00:07:56 Don't worry about it. It's okay. You just declare bankruptcy and get rid of all of it. I'll give you a magic pill and don't get me wrong there.
00:08:05 Their situations where you know sending letters to the creditors is the right thing to do in their situations where bankruptcy is the right thing to do,
00:08:14 but not always so if I'm not selling you a particular magic pill and telling you how quick and easy it's going to be to fix your situation.
00:08:25 But instead I'm telling you, it's gonna be a lot of hard work. It's going to be painful,
00:08:30 but you can do it. That's because I'm trying to influence you to positive action, not manipulate you into just buying my byproduct,
00:08:41 my coaching. So keep in mind that leadership, which is what we started talking about today, is influence.
00:08:52 That doesn't mean that influences automatically leadership leadership is influenced, but influence is not always leadership. There are things that is influencing you,
00:09:04 that doesn't come from leaders. I mean, a lot of time sales relationships are about influence. At least if they're done right now,
00:09:18 I'll give you a hint. A lot of people think of sales is an oppositional process, where as the salesman,
00:09:25 I want you to buy my product no matter what. And the customer, on the other hand, kind of sees themselves on the other side of the fence,
00:09:33 and my job is to see through your dirty tricks and figure out whether or not this is something I really want.
00:09:40 You know that sales is manipulation, but sales is influenced. The salesman actually wants to provide a product that is in the customer's best interest.
00:09:51 But guess what? That sales influence process that is a good process. Is it leadership in that case?
00:10:00 Because leadership is about influencing people, to move in a direction, to go somewhere to achieve a vision.
00:10:12 Leadership is influence of people for their own good, to go somewhere where they don't believe they convey. Oh,
00:10:23 and the leader is the one who goes out in front and shows the way leaders serve the people around them,
00:10:31 Leaders clear the underbrush and make it where they, the people that are around them, conduce their job better now.
00:10:43 A lot of times people think leaders are the person in the corner office with the title in the position,
00:10:50 but that's not always true. Yes, someone with the title in the position, maybe a leader. But they also may not be.
00:11:00 And somebody who's just sitting in the line, out on the floor in a cubicle or just one of the quote workers might actually be a bigger leader than the person in the quarter office because they're the person that influences the relationships,
00:11:22 the attitude, the things that are going on in a positive or a negative way. Leadership isn't management,
00:11:33 either. Managers focus on maintaining systems and processes. They focus on getting the trains to run on time.
00:11:43 Leadership and leaders influences people to follow them and to go somewhere and do something often something that those people don't believe they can do.
00:11:58 Really, leaders have influence. I'll give you a hint. If you think you're a leader and you're out in front and you turn around and no one's following you,
00:12:08 you're not a leader. Remember, servant leadership is what we're talking about. We're talking about leading from the bottom of the pyramid,
00:12:20 leading because you're serving those whom you lied putting the best interest of the group before your own. And you can do that with or without a title.
00:12:32 You conduce that with or without anyone telling you that you're a leader. So here's your call to action this week.
00:12:40 Here's your homework. Sorry, I was a schoolteacher for 16 years, So giving people homework is something that I've pretty used to doing.
00:12:53 Go back to that gratitude list that you did earlier. Remember how I told you to find those people that were influencing your life and send them Ah,
00:13:02 thank you. Note. Well, I want you to do something slightly different. I want youto make a list of the people in your life and the things in your life that you're allowing to influence you because you're allowing it.
00:13:20 You have the choice. Think about those relationships. Think about Is it influence from them, or is it manipulation from them?
00:13:32 Think about which of those influences are strengthening your walk towards your calling and which of them are pulling you away from it?
00:13:43 There's always some people in a group that are what I call crabs in the bucket You if you throw a bunch of crabs in the bucket and one of the crab starts to get out,
00:13:54 more often than not, the other crabs will reach up and pull the crab down into the bucket. It's an expression of showing that sometimes the group axe to pull everyone down to the lowest common denominator down to the lowest level.
00:14:10 Well, what I'm asking for here is find those people and figure out if you still want to allow them to influence you or not,
00:14:18 because remember, you have the power. There is a choice here, and if not, try to replace those relationships with ones that influence you in a positive way that speak good in your life and just as surely examined the way that you're influencing other people.
00:14:38 Examine that and figure out. Are you one of those crabs in the bucket? Are you pulling others down or you lifting others up?
00:14:51 A few resource is that can help you out in this journey as you begin to look at your mind set around leadership.
00:14:59 One is by the gentleman I mentioned at the beginning of this episode John Maxwell Ah, a mentor of mine,
00:15:06 somebody who I've had the pleasure of having training from over the last several years, and that book is becoming a person of influence.
00:15:16 There's a book by Robert Cal Deanie called Influence. The subtitle is The Psychology of Persuasion, and he's got a couple of books on the subject.
00:15:29 He's made a study of the ways that we influence people, and it's powerful to read not just a somebody who maybe is in marketing or sales,
00:15:40 though. It's great if you're in those fields but also as a student of people and influence these books give you insight into how people influence you and advertising influences you and how you influence others and allows you to begin to use those techniques more consciously for good,
00:16:02 not ill. So I encourage you to really examine your relationships, to try to strengthen those relationships that air strengthening on you on your path to your calling to make sure that you're doing the same thing for others.
00:16:20 And thank you for listening. Thanks so much for joining us and listening to the inspired stewardship podcasts as a subscriber.
00:16:34 We challenge you to be more than just a passive lister. But act on what you've heard and find a way to live you're calling.
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