Episode 1185: Setting Money Boundaries

[00:00:00] Scott Maderer: Thanks for joining me on episode 1,185 of the inspired stewardship podcast.

[00:00:07] Mike Acker: I'm Mike Acker. I challenge you to invest in yourself, invest in others, develop your influence and impact the world by using your time, your talent and your treasures to live out your calling. Having the ability to respond well to life is key.

[00:00:22] And one way to be inspired to do that is to listen to this. The inspired stewardship podcast with my friend, Scott Maderer.

[00:00:30] Scott Maderer: You also have to recognize the reality of the fact that from time to time, you're gonna make mistakes from time to time, you're gonna get off track. There are going to be times where you make mistakes, you spent more than you should have, or you impulse on something that you really didn't think. And that's okay.

[00:00:49] You just need a system and process to get back to where you want to be welcome. And thank you for joining us on the inspired stewardship podcast. If [00:01:00] you truly desire to become the person who God wants you to be, then you must learn to use your time, your talent. And your treasures for your true calling in the inspired stewardship podcast, you will learn to invest in yourself, invest in others and develop your influence so that you can impact the world.

[00:01:20] In today's episode about investing in others through stewarding your treasures. I talk with you about setting better money boundaries. I share some of the things that challenge our money boundaries. And I also talk with you about setting boundaries and sticking to them for real money success. As we talk about stewarding your treasures, wouldn't it be great.

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[00:02:07] Money is one of those areas, just like productivity and relationships, where we need to be able to set healthy boundaries, but we often struggle to do it. The truth is that this is an area of our life where a lot of different things run through and are touched and are affected by our relationship with money.

[00:02:27] And one of the reasons boundaries with money is so complicated is because there's both boundaries with others and there's boundaries with yourself that you have to be able to set and stick to. There's both your ability to say no or yes to yourself and your ability to say no, or yes to others. And the truth is setting good boundaries helps you find and build more and stronger relationships, both with yourself and with others.

[00:02:56] It helps you become more self [00:03:00] aware roughly 50% when asked what's some of the most uncomfortable topics to talk about sex and money, both rank at the top. As much as money is every day part of our life. We don't want to talk about it. We don't want to set challenges or boundaries with family, with friends, with colleagues, and even more with ourself that are realistic.

[00:03:24] And allow us to say, this is what we're going to say yes to. And this is what we're going to say. No. That's one of the reasons so many people struggle and it's not just a, an income question. It's also about learning to get in touch with. What's really important to you so that you can say yes to those things.

[00:03:43] Let's talk about some of the challenges that can come from others. Have you ever heard any of these phrase? One, can you pick up the tab? Just this one? by that friend who maybe it's the seventh or eighth or 10th time that you've been the one to pick up [00:04:00] the tab, or maybe you've got a friend that says you should just buy it, go ahead, treat yourself you deserve it.

[00:04:07] Or the one up or the person that says no matter what happened in your life, I just gotta raise. Of 1%. They got a raise of 3%, or I just got a gift card as a bonus at work. I got a $10,000 bonus at my work. They always have to point out how they're doing better, which by the way, is usually not necessarily a hundred percent the truth by the people that are constantly asking in your life, how much you make, how much did that cost you?

[00:04:36] What did you spend money? the people that are constantly saying things like must be nice, that you can afford such nice things, even though you work hard and you've done a lot to set yourself up to get 'em or, oh, you can do it just this one time. They emphasize that fear of missing out. These sorts of phrases coming from others [00:05:00] often challenge our ability to say, no, this is not something that I want to spend money on.

[00:05:06] This is something that I've set up a budget for. This is something that I've already decided I wanna say no to. And so you pushing me on this. I need to be able to say no to. and honestly, sometimes it's the people that are closest to us that we care the most about that have the easiest time pushing our buttons in these areas and getting us to spend money that we never would have spent ourselves.

[00:05:34] and by the way, all of these phrases are also phrases that we say to ourselves. They're things they're scripts that play in our own head. When you find yourself saying I had to spend this money, instead of I chose to, when you find yourself saying I deserved it, I need to get it now. Or I can't believe that I can't get this.

[00:05:57] then you are running these same scripts [00:06:00] inside yourself. This is why I said it's important to set boundaries for others, but you also have to set these boundaries around yourself. If you are going to give money to a family member or friend looking at it as a gift, not alone is important.

[00:06:17] You just need to not worry about getting it back. And if you can't do that without resentment and without feeling guilt, then maybe this really isn't something you wanna do. And it's something that you can set a healthy boundary around. You've gotta make sure that you actually can do it while still taking care of your own needs as well.

[00:06:41] It's also important to set clear boundaries around what the expectations are in. For the future. Is this something that's going to be a regular occurrence or is this something that is a one time event? What is the expectation around the money? Is it something that you expect [00:07:00] back or is it truly a gift?

[00:07:02] And then if you have any doubts around this, be honest and upfront and just say no, but to do that, you also have to step back first and say, what are the money boundaries? I. For myself, what are the budget? Things that I've set? What is a firm? Non-negotiable you keep hearing this over and over. What are the hard boundaries?

[00:07:26] What are the things that I'm always going to say? Yes. To first in my budget. What am I gonna say next? What am I gonna say next? What am I gonna say next? What is the money coming in and what is the priority for it going out? because the truth is if you haven't sat down and done that thinking ahead of time, that it's very easy to just give money to whatever's screaming, the loudest or to whatever is on emergency mode right now, or whatever is going on and not actually have the money you need.

[00:07:59] That's how you [00:08:00] li end up in a paycheck to paycheck kind of situation. Even if you have a very high. And by the way, I've worked with people that make $37,000 a year. And I've worked with people that make $350,000 a year that are living paycheck to paycheck. It's not an income thing. It's about having these boundaries and knowing where your limits are.

[00:08:21] And then it's about putting systems in place. Automating some things, making sure you've got a way of tracking and planning, making sure that you're looking at what you have and being honest with yourself. So that at the end of the day, the way you're spending your money is in alignment with what you need for yourself, because that's what actually gets you money, success.

[00:08:46] And by the way, you also have to recognize the reality of the fact that from time to time, you're gonna make mistakes from time to time, you're gonna get off track. There are going to be times where you make mistakes, you spent more than you should have, or [00:09:00] you impulse on something that you really didn't think about.

[00:09:04] and that's okay. You just need a system and process to get back to where you want to be. This is why it's important to actually get help, because if you don't find a way of connecting with everyone and getting the help you need in all areas that at the end of the day, you. Have a hard time setting the boundaries and sticking to 'em that accountability piece with others.

[00:09:33] That's part of what I do as a coach. That's, what's so valuable in getting help sometimes from outside, because it helps us set and stick to healthy boundaries in all areas of our life. Thanks for listening.

[00:09:48] Thanks so much for listening to the inspired stewardship podcast, as a subscriber and listener, we challenge you to not just sit back and passively listen, but [00:10:00] act on what you've heard and find a way to live your calling. If you like this episode on the stewardship of treasures, you can sign up for our treasures tips by going to.

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[00:10:40] world.