Join us today for the Saturday Night Special with John Jarman author of Broken and Redeemed...
In this episode John Jarman and I talk with you about his book and his journey towards becoming Redeemed from his brokenness...
In tonight’s Saturday Night Special I interview John Jarman. I ask John to share with you why he wanted to write Broken and Redeemed. I also ask John how his growth and faith intersected with his journey to the book. John also shares with you what he loves and hates about the message he shares.
Join in on the Chat below.
SNS 158: Saturday Night Special â€“ Interview with author of Broken and Redeemed John Jarman
[00:00:00] Scott Maderer: Welcome to tonight's Saturday night, special episode 158.
[00:00:04] John Jarman: I'm
[00:00:04] John Jarman. And I challenge you to invest in yourself, invest in others and develop your influence and impact the world by using your time, your talent and your treasures to live out
[00:00:15] your calling. Having the knowledge that you are redeemed by God is the key.
[00:00:20] And one way to be
[00:00:21] inspired to do that is to listen to inspired stewardship podcasts with my
[00:00:25] friend, Scott Maderer.
[00:00:27] It took me about 15 years, really to
[00:00:31] Start seeing who Christ was and how it affects your life.
[00:00:35] And again,
[00:00:36] I, I, you ha, in my opinion, you have to have a self examination
[00:00:41] or a self-awareness to start developing that
[00:00:43] relationship because you have to look inside yourself.
[00:00:45] Scott Maderer: Welcome and thank you for joining us on the inspired stewardship podcast. If you truly desire to become the person who God wants you to be, then you must learn to use your time, your talent and your treasures for [00:01:00] your true calling in the inspired stewardship podcast, you will learn to invest in yourself, invest in others and develop your influence so that you.
[00:01:10] Can impact the world.
[00:01:12] And tonight's Saturday night special. I interview John Jarman. I asked John about what brought him to write broken and redeemed. I also asked John about how his life went from one of drugs and disorder to one of mercy and grace. And John also shares with you how he struggled to really believe his worth and how this became clear over time.
[00:01:35] One area that a lot of folks need some help with is around the area of productivity. Getting not just more things done, but actually getting the right things done can be really. I've got a course called productivity for your passion. That's designed to help you do this and then to hold you accountable [00:02:00] and walk with you so that you can tailor productivity, not just to be getting more done, but actually getting the right things done.
[00:02:09] What's more, we take the approach of looking at your personality and how you actually look at things in the world and tailor the productivity system to your person. Because the truth is a lot of the systems that are out there are written really well for somebody with a particular personality type. But if you have a different approach to things, they just don't work, but there's tools and techniques and approaches that you can take that will work for anyone.
[00:02:36] And we help you do that and productivity for your passion. Check it out firstname.lastname@example.org slash launch. John Jarman is a professional fitness coach and men's discipleship leader with a passion for seeing lives changed by Jesus Christ, a former football coach and Marine Corps veteran of desert storm.
[00:02:58] John's life was radically [00:03:00] transformed from a self-destructive trajectory to one of life wholeness and a dynamic walk with Christ. A story that is told in the pages of broken and. John holds a master's degree in physical education from Ohio university. And as of this writing is close to completing a master's degree in theology from faith, seminary and Tacoma, Washington, where he resides.
[00:03:24] Welcome to the show, John. Thank you. Glad I
[00:03:28] John Jarman: glad I can hear and
[00:03:29] Scott Maderer: thanks for having me on. Absolutely. So you've got this new book coming out broken and redeemed. We talked about that a little bit in the intro, but I wanted to dive into it a little bit. What really brought you to writing this book?
[00:03:45] One session that I was having with my counselor, Christine
[00:03:48] John Jarman: She looks at me and she goes, you need to write a book. And I laughed at her. I cuz my story, it's not unique. There's other people that have been down the same path, other people that have probably worse [00:04:00] paths and I was like, no, one's gonna read a story about my life.
[00:04:03] And I left the session and I started talking to a couple friends and said, Hey my C. Told me, I should write this book and I shared it with them a little bit of the story and they were like, yeah, John, you need to write a book. And not being a writer and growing up with dyslexia and being a TV teacher, a football coach it's,
[00:04:23] Scott Maderer: I was like, how am I gonna write this?
[00:04:25] So I actually started looking for a ghost
[00:04:26] John Jarman: writer and I found a young lady. Tiffany who went to my church and she did a lot of the media for the church. And so she started helping me outline the book. And this was back in 2014. So that's when the book started. I worked on
[00:04:40] Scott Maderer: it for probably about
[00:04:42] John Jarman: a year and a half, and then it sat on the shelf until February of last year.
[00:04:47] And that in February I was getting ready to take a vacation to Florida and go back to Georgia to see some of the
[00:04:53] Scott Maderer: football players I coached down there and the holy
[00:04:56] John Jarman: spirit spoke to me and through Hebrews 10 36, [00:05:00] and which talks about doing the will of God and per and persevering through that so that you can get what he promised.
[00:05:06] Then later that day I was reading. AJ SBOs book messy, and AJ was talking about the will of God. And he said and it was his first book. And in the book he said no one told me if anybody would read the book or buy it. It, the spirit just told me I had to write it. so with those two things happening, so close together, I went, okay, I need to finish my book.
[00:05:25] And that's what I did. I committed myself
[00:05:27] Scott Maderer: to about two hours a day of writing
[00:05:29] John Jarman: and I had the book done in about three. Okay.
[00:05:31] So tell us that's how, that's, how it came.
[00:05:34] Scott Maderer: Yeah. Tell us a little bit about I obviously what provoked to read the book as well, but tell us a little bit about the story that came to you in the book that, that you're sharing.
[00:05:43] I grew up in a very violent home. My dad was an alcoholic,
[00:05:46] John Jarman: very abusive. From I, I don't have a lot of memory from my childhood up until 12. And it I grew up in a lot of violence and up until that 12th year one day that year, my dad [00:06:00] came home drunk.
[00:06:00] He was beating my mom. I got up, went into the kitchen, grabbed a knife out of the drawer, told him if he didn't stop, I would kill him. And he left and we didn't have that much of a relationship for long time. And that, that was tough. Cause now I'm my mom's a single mom.
[00:06:15] We I have three brothers and my, my two other brothers ended up dropping outta school. All of us got involved. Drug use and stuff like it's the eighties back then. And so all of that kind of created I put on an armor, I wouldn't let people in because I was ashamed of it in the guilt.
[00:06:32] And from that moment on, I did whatever I wanted to do to survive. And I developed this really controlling attitude. And hence the subtitle of the book, finding freedom through complete surrender, because. even in my walk, as I started to grow in faith, I didn't give up control and I would I wanted it on my time.
[00:06:51] People say it's God's timing. And I was like, no, I want John's timing . And that, that's what developed in me and took and [00:07:00] that's why I went into counseling, cuz I started to see, as I started to grow in faith, I started to see the self destruction behavior that I had in my past and it started to happen again.
[00:07:09] And so I.
[00:07:11] Scott Maderer: Looked for a counselor. And I found Christina and, you
[00:07:14] John Jarman: know, worked with her for 10
[00:07:15] Scott Maderer: years, found a spiritual mentor
[00:07:16] John Jarman: Scotty Kessler. And they, the, with the work between the two of them led me to this book. So thinking about that and your faith journey, part of it, talk a little bit about your faith journey from childhood, cuz you mentioned you had started growing in faith, but yet you were still keeping control and being a a little bit.
[00:07:36] Scott Maderer: Control freak I guess is the right word. No, it's that's you can say it's which, by the way. Yeah, been there, done that, bought that t-shirt and I think most of us have, so talk a little bit about that faith journey.
[00:07:48] John Jarman: My not having any exposure to,
[00:07:52] Scott Maderer: to church or faith growing up I
[00:07:54] John Jarman: really didn't even know.
[00:07:55] The only thing I knew of Christ was when I visited my mama ele in [00:08:00] Arkansas, my dad's mom. And when I would see her, she would always tell me, Johnny, God's got something special planned for you. And I laughed at her and but now she's smiling down on heaven because she knew this book was coming.
[00:08:12] But. I really didn't start even to explore Christianity or faith until I was in the Marine Corps. And it was really in bootcamp. My first Sunday in bootcamp, they said, Hey, you can go to church and have an hour rest of the drill instructors. So I would go to church every Sunday just to get away from the drill instructors and that kind of planted the seed.
[00:08:31] And I started seeing it, however it took from that was 90 or 87 and it took me about 15 years really to. Start seeing who Christ
[00:08:42] Scott Maderer: was and how it affects your life.
[00:08:44] John Jarman: And again, I. In my opinion, you have to have a self examination or a self-awareness to start developing that relationship because you have to look inside yourself and see where, what you need to get rid of in order to have that faith walk [00:09:00] that truly faith walk And that's what I had been working on from 2016 till now.
[00:09:06] And continuing to do that. As I started to grow and I
[00:09:11] Scott Maderer: was going through
[00:09:11] John Jarman: this really bad I own two fitness centers and they were struggling super bad. In 2016, a young lady, I was dating. We had a true Christian ring relationship and we dated four years, never slept together. It was all biblical.
[00:09:24] She was a great Christian lady and. Then my brother's wife was in the hospital dying and all of this just crumbled and blew up. And so now I'm with that. And I was like, what am I gonna do? And I fell to my knees in November of 2016. And I surrendered. That was the day I completely gave up control.
[00:09:42] And I said, I can't do this. And. From that day forward, I started doing prayer and reading every day, started getting deeper and deeper in faith. And I went to my mentor and I said, I need to do something to get behind the word. So I enrolled in seminary school and I'm eight hours shy of a masters of theology and [00:10:00] I'll finish
[00:10:00] Scott Maderer: it hopefully next year later this year, once this
[00:10:03] John Jarman: book gets gone.
[00:10:04] Scott Maderer: But that was the key.
[00:10:06] John Jarman: That, that opened
[00:10:07] Scott Maderer: my eyes to a whole different aspect
[00:10:10] John Jarman: of the word and my faith. And it just continued to deepen from.
[00:10:13] Scott Maderer: So you also you just threw that a aside in. Becoming a Marine as well. How did that play out in this journey?
[00:10:24] So let's go back to high school and where, or what was it? Five years after high school or four years after high school? I was in
[00:10:31] John Jarman: a party on, on, in 1986 and the drugs and all that stuff. And I was looking around the room and I was like, there's gotta be more to life than this. And I got up and I walked.
[00:10:41] And two days later, I walked into a Marine recruiting office and I said I need to get outta here. And the recruiter looked at me and said, did you commit a crime? And I said, no. I said yes, but I haven't been caught. And he we did all the paperwork and everything, and I was in San Diego on March 3rd.
[00:10:58] And that was what saved my [00:11:00] life, cause if I'd have stayed where I was, I'd probably be dead her in jail. That's how that's where I was headed. And so you. Looking back on it now with the faith that I have, that was the spirit and cuz it just moved me to get up and get outta the room.
[00:11:12] And so I went into the Marines then went to school, got my master's in physical education, taught PE and did some coaching in college and high school for 17 years. And. That's where and my faith started to grow
[00:11:27] a little bit more when I was in school. Cause I got involved in the fellowship of CRI Christian athletes when I was down in Georgia and that's but I was still I wasn't walking and truly in the light, I was still walk it's kinda like what Paul said in Romans I want to do what's right.
[00:11:41] But I can't because of the sin in me and that's where my life was for a long time. So when
[00:11:47] Scott Maderer: you think about all of that how has that faith walk been. In, in terms of where you are today, do you see this as you've arrived or this is just the beginning? Or what do you, how do you see where you [00:12:00] are today?
[00:12:01] I wouldn't say I arrive. I don't think
[00:12:02] John Jarman: anybody arrives. Our sanctification is a growing process and it's only complete when we go home to our father. But I'm not where I was. And I see things differently
[00:12:12] Scott Maderer: Because I see through the,
[00:12:14] John Jarman: through the eyes of Christ and. It's it's still a growing process and you still have to have that continued relationship.
[00:12:22] And that's the part of it is I've learned that it's a relationship and it's a communication and it's a dialogue between people. I taught, I, I do discipleship too because Scotty was a Scotty discipled me and he's really big into discipleship. And so when I disciple my kids we talk about that.
[00:12:40] You have to have a communication when you pray. It's not just you talking it's you gotta be able to sit and listen for the voice of God. And that's what I've developed because it is, it's a without a doubt, it's a true relationship. So So when you think about the book what do you think is your favorite story or your [00:13:00] favorite part from the book?
[00:13:01] I have to say this, the last chapter is my favorite chapter and here's why. You're listeners
[00:13:07] Scott Maderer: and you are probably familiar
[00:13:08] John Jarman: with mercy, me and they in ni in
[00:13:12] Scott Maderer: 2014, 2015,
[00:13:14] John Jarman: they released an album and it had the song dear younger me
[00:13:17] Scott Maderer: on it. And when it came out, I listened to
[00:13:19] John Jarman: it and it just spoke to me and I just kept listening to it and letting the words sink, and I was like, I wanna use this in my book and I wanna call my last chapter, dear younger, me, but I had to get, I wanted to find out way to get ahold of Bart and find out what his inspiration was.
[00:13:35] So they were coming to a city right here in, in Washington.
[00:13:39] And I bought a V I P pass and the young lady that I was dating Leah, it was near her birthday. We got to go. One of the opening acts saying happy birthday tour. And then we got to go backstage. And so I was telling them what I wanted to do.
[00:13:53] Scott Maderer: And he said Mercy MES manager right there. And so he told mercy MES manager what I was doing. So he said, let [00:14:00] me he said, Bart, be here in about 10 minutes. Let me talk to him. And he came over, he said, Bart would love to meet you. So we sat probably 30 minutes backstage talking about the songs.
[00:14:08] John Jarman: And it's funny because I said,
[00:14:10] Scott Maderer: what was the inspiration? And Bart said, my counselor.
[00:14:12] John Jarman: Told me to write a song to my
[00:14:14] Scott Maderer: son as if it was, if I was writing to dear younger me and I said that's funny, Bart. My counselor
[00:14:19] John Jarman: told me to write a book and I wanna use your song in my book. And he said, John, you have my permission.
[00:14:23] He goes, I just have one condition. I want a copy of the book when it's done. And next month I'll be sending him a copy of the book.
[00:14:30] Scott Maderer: So that's my favorite story of the book because it's just you
[00:14:34] John Jarman: to see God work in that and make that happen. That's pretty awesome. And then my second part would be chapter 14.
[00:14:41] Scott Maderer: It's it was added with the work of my editor
[00:14:44] John Jarman: Because she felt we needed a close of
[00:14:46] Scott Maderer: the book from 13 to dear younger me.
[00:14:49] John Jarman: So she did an interview with me and it turned out to be a super great chapter it's about vulnerability. It's about the complete surrender. And it
[00:14:57] Scott Maderer: just, it speaks
[00:14:59] John Jarman: volumes.
[00:14:59] [00:15:00] Finding that freedom. And so those two chapters are my favorite.
[00:15:03] Scott Maderer: That leads us to the next most obvious question. , what's the least favorite part of it
[00:15:09] John Jarman: And I thought about this when you sent me this
[00:15:11] Scott Maderer: question, Scott is, I don't know if I have a least favorite part of the book.
[00:15:14] I have a hardest part of the book to write.
[00:15:16] John Jarman: Okay. And that. Writing about all of the transgressions in my past and communicating some of that without opening the wounds of the people that involved. Because that's, that was the hardest part of writing the book, because I didn't wanna,
[00:15:30] Scott Maderer: when I sat down to write the book, I didn't wanna hurt.
[00:15:32] John Jarman: I didn't wanna open reopen the wounds of. People that I've hurt with those transgressions and bad decisions. And so that was the hardest part of the book. And it even came to a point where my editor goes, we're talking about my ex-wife and she goes, John, we need more information. I said, I don't wanna put any more information so that, that was the tough part, so that, that's the hardest part. I don't, it's not a bad part because it needs to be told, but that was the hardest
[00:15:56] Scott Maderer: part. Figuring out a way to share that without yeah. Bringing more damage. [00:16:00]
[00:16:01] John Jarman: Yeah. Without hurting anybody anymore.
[00:16:02] Scott Maderer: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So before I, I ask a few questions that I like to ask everybody let me open it up to you.
[00:16:09] Is there anything else you'd like to share with the listener about the message of the book. I think the the message in my book is just is you have to
[00:16:17] John Jarman: have a self-awareness and develop a self-examination in order to truly find freedom. And so if you're if you're a victim of abuse seek help you're not alone, there's plenty you're not the first one that's gone through what you're going through and you
[00:16:33] Scott Maderer: need help, whether it's a professional counselor, whether it's a spiritual counselor or whatever, and then
[00:16:38] John Jarman: To the men in your.
[00:16:40] Be vulnerable and that's one of the things I grew up in. It took me 56 years to learn how to be vulnerable. And I wish I would've done it. I shared my book with some of my high school friends. Matter of fact, my high school girlfriend, I shared the book with, cause she's on my launch team and she read the story and she called me and she goes, John, I had no idea.
[00:16:58] Because I never let anybody [00:17:00] in. And I think
[00:17:00] Scott Maderer: that's, that was that's the message. Is we, as men, we're taught
[00:17:04] John Jarman: to be tough. We're I'm in I'm a football coach,
[00:17:07] Scott Maderer: I'm a Marine. I'm not supposed to be vulnerable. I'm so tough. Hardcore.
[00:17:10] John Jarman: But rah. Yeah, exactly. But the vulnerability is what we need and and.
[00:17:16] I'll go to that chapter 14 in how to surrender. And you know what I did through
[00:17:21] Scott Maderer: to create that self-awareness is just reading books by a J Sobo
[00:17:26] John Jarman: toes or those people, and then getting to know God through reading and prayer, and then the counseling and I'll
[00:17:32] Scott Maderer: quote toes are right here. He said
[00:17:34] John Jarman: the holy spirit will never find a man or a woman who
[00:17:36] Scott Maderer: refuses to give up or give over to him.
[00:17:40] John Jarman: All of the control in their entire. And that's a power right there. And
[00:17:47] Scott Maderer: Tozer is awesome. I love his re I love his work. So the funny thing is I see people with the bumper sticker that says, Jesus is my co-pilot. And it's wait wait, you're doing something wrong.
[00:17:57] Exactly. Should be the pilot. The [00:18:00] pilot.
[00:18:00] John Jarman: Yes, sir. Yes,
[00:18:01] Scott Maderer: sir. And yeah, I know what they mean, but still it's, and I think that's hard for some people because the churches nowaday. I always, I go to church I was going to church and they do the alter calls, but what do
[00:18:12] John Jarman: we do with those people when they raise their hand and commit their life there's gotta be a follow up.
[00:18:16] There's gotta be discipleship to help those people grow. Because I didn't have that when I first became a Christian. And I didn't know how to pray. I didn't know how to read it all came when I met Scotty and his discipleship. So
[00:18:29] Scott Maderer: yeah. Absolutely. So one of the questions I like to ask everybody is my brand is inspired stewardship and I run things a lot through that lens of stewardship that's an impactful thing to me.
[00:18:41] And yet I've discovered over the years that's one of those words, that means different things to different people. So with that in mind, what does the word stewardship mean to you and what has its impact been on your life? To me, Scott, that stewardship
[00:18:56] John Jarman: means that using God's gift to that, [00:19:00] that he's given you to grow the kingdom.
[00:19:01] Flat out that's what I think of it. And whatever he brings into your life you need to use in a manner to honor him. And I look at. Matthew 25 and the par parable of the bags of gold and that, and I think that's what he was trying to teach us there cuz that he gave the gold and then they were supposed to go do something with it and make it grow.
[00:19:20] And that to me is the definition of stewardship is whatever God's given you. We've gotta, you gotta figure out how to use it. And the. It. And how has it affected my life? We have this book now but it, see, it helped me see. My daily life differently. And so when I get up, I I'm up at three 30 every morning in a prayer and Bible reading.
[00:19:45] And that allows me to have the energy and the knowledge. So when I'm out and I'm looking for how I can impact that kingdom every day in my workplace in, in people I encounter with [00:20:00] and I'm not saying that you meet somebody. Start beating the gospel onto their head, but if they open up the door and you can speak the gospel then that's when you jump on it.
[00:20:10] And that's how it's impacted my life. I'll share if I can, I'll share a quick
[00:20:15] story. I was discipling my brother after his wife died and I was in seminary school and we were studying the old Testament and we started reading through the old Testament together.
[00:20:26] And I came across Exodus 2020, which Moses tells the Israel rights do not be afraid. God has come to test you so that the fear of God will be in you to keep you from sinning. And they it's Exodus 2020, and spoke to me. And I went back to it later and I started looking at that. And I was like when you go to a doctor and they examine your eyes, 2020 is clear.
[00:20:48] That's the first Bible verse with the address 2020. And I started going and I said, what else is there with that address? There's 17 Bible verses with that address, 10 of 'em have specific instructions, Howard to behave and act [00:21:00] in Christ as Christians. EXOS 2020
[00:21:02] is now tattooed on my right forearm.
[00:21:04] And so it's my calling card. When I shake people's hands, they can see it and they always ask, what is that? And then I. It opens the door to share the gospel. And I didn't put it, I didn't initially put it on my arm because of that reason, but it's turned out to be a great way to impact the kingdom. I put it on my arm because it's clear vision and we gotta know that he's gonna come to test us so that we have that Revent fear for him and keeps us faithful.
[00:21:27] And. Hopefully
[00:21:29] Scott Maderer: keeps us
[00:21:29] John Jarman: sinning less. Cause we're not sinless. We can just sin less. So
[00:21:35] Scott Maderer: yeah. So this is my favorite question that I ask everyone if I invented this magic machine and I could pluck you out of the seat where you are today, and transport you into the future a hundred to 150 years, maybe.
[00:21:49] And magically, you were able to look back on your whole life and see all the impacts and the ripples and the connections that you've left behind. What impact do you hope you've left behind on the [00:22:00] world? First I'd have to talk to my football
[00:22:02] John Jarman: players and hope that I had some impact on 'em, even though some of them were involved in the mistakes and the trans
[00:22:08] Scott Maderer: transgressions
[00:22:09] John Jarman: that I made, hopefully the solid life lessons that they learned while I coached them.
[00:22:15] I hope that. Help them grow. And I've seen evidence of it a little bit. But that's where I'd start it. And then just any people I've had in contact with that have leaned on me. I hope that I've influenced their life. Obviously I would hope that. Broken and redeemed when I look back and I see this book, I I, I wanted to have helped somebody
[00:22:37] overcome trauma, abuse, addiction if they're not a Christian, that it, my goal is if somebody's not a Christian and they read this book, they come to Christ.
[00:22:44] If, and if one person does that, then the, then it was worth it. And I told that to a publisher at one time before I got picked up by Morgan James because that's really the impact that I want to have. And someone like you, who's a, who has faith. Did this, when [00:23:00] you read the book, did it deepen your faith?
[00:23:01] Did it touch you in a way that does, oh, I might need to try this. And so that's the impact I would love to see. So what's coming next for you is you continue on this journey and now that the book's getting launched this week and more is coming out, what's coming next. That's a great question.
[00:23:17] Scott Maderer: When I read that I
[00:23:18] John Jarman: was. And the only answer I could come up with Scott is I'm ready to do wherever, whatever, and wherever God takes me on this path, because
[00:23:27] This has truly been a spirit led path. When I started seminary, somebody said, are you gonna be a pastor? And I said, no, I'm just doing it for knowledge, but.
[00:23:37] God puts it in my life that I'm supposed
[00:23:39] Scott Maderer: to preach the
[00:23:40] John Jarman: gospel and spread the word that I'm gonna do it. And here I am. And so it's, I'm leaving it up to him and I'm just gonna let him go.
[00:23:48] Scott Maderer: And wherever he tells me to go, that's where I'm gonna go. That's the best way I can answer that.
[00:23:52] That makes sense. Yep. So you can find out more about John and his book on Facebook or Twitter [00:24:00] under broken redeemed, or on Instagram as John underscore broken redeemed. Of course you can find out more about the book and John and anything else he's got going on over at his website as well, broken.
[00:24:14] And redeem.com. Of course I'll have links to all of this over in the show notes. John, anything else you'd like to share with the listener?
[00:24:21] The, just
[00:24:23] John Jarman: to have hope and faith. I have a friend who runs a homeless outreach shelter and his message to the homeless is hope without judgment.
[00:24:29] And I think we,
[00:24:31] Scott Maderer: we, as a society with all this
[00:24:33] John Jarman: craziness that we've been going through for the last two years, we need to get back to, to hope and love and not judging people so much. And we need to, and I just feel like there's one of the greatest commissioners to, to love the.
[00:24:46] As yourself and I think we've lost that because we've become so isolated in the past few years and that we need to get back to that. So that's all, that's what I would leave the, your listeners with is let's love each [00:25:00] other.
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It took me about 15 years to start seeing who Christ was and how it affects your life. In my opinion you have to have a self-examination or self-awareness to start developing that relationship. – John Jarman
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