SNS 119: Saturday Night Special – Interview with Sharon Hughes author of "The Girl in the Garage"

[00:00:00] Scott Maderer: Welcome to tonight's Saturday night, special episode 119.

[00:00:05] Sharon Hughes: I'm Sharon Hughes. I challenge you to invest in yourself, invest in others, develop your influence and impact the world by using your time, your talent and your treasures to live out your calling, having the ability to believe the truth of who you really are, is key.

[00:00:24] And one way to be inspired to do that is to listen to this, the inspired stewardship podcast with my friend, Scott May.

[00:00:32] here's where my huge turning point was. I was laying in bed one morning and this was just probably five years ago, six years ago. And I was praying and I was saying, God, I'm not going to make it. I'm not gonna make it through this. This is too hard. This is too big too big of things to heal from.

[00:00:55] And I heard him say, what do you believe about yourself? [00:01:00]

[00:01:00] Scott Maderer: Welcome. And thank you for joining us on the inspired stewardship podcasts. If you truly desire to become the person who God wants you to be. Then you must learn to use your time, your talent and your treasures for your true calling in the inspired stewardship podcast who learn to invest in yourself, invest in others and develop your influence so that you can impact the world.

[00:01:26] And tonight Saturday night special. I asked Sharon Hughes about her journey to writing the girl in the garage. I also asked her to share how her faith journey went alongside the writing of the book. And I also asked Sharon to share what she's learned about the connection between self-belief and why believing a truth is just as powerful as believing.

[00:01:47] Now, one area that a lot of folks need some help with is around the area of productivity. Getting not just more things done, but actually [00:02:00] getting the right things done can be really. I've got a course called productivity for your passion. That's designed to help you do this and then to hold you accountable and walk with you so that you can tailor productivity, not just to be getting more done, but actually getting the right things done.

[00:02:22] What's more, we take the approach of looking at your personality and how you actually look at things in the world and tailor the productivity system to your personnel. Because the truth is a lot of the systems that are out there are written really well for somebody with a particular personality type.

[00:02:40] But if you have a different approach to things, they just don't work, but there's tools and techniques and approaches that you can take that will work for anyone. And we help you do that in productivity for your passion. Check it out over@inspiredstewardship.com slash law. Sharon uses the [00:03:00] Arthur of the bestselling book, the girl in the garage, three steps to letting go of your past a faith-based book for breaking free, from a lack of confidence and self-worth issues.

[00:03:11] She's the founder of confidence academy, the host of call to confidence podcast, a confidence and self-worth expert in critical incidents. Debriefer. She is an excellent communicator that speaks in a friend over coffee style that is easy to connect with when she's not coaching women recording her show are plotting her next book.

[00:03:31] You can find her gazing at a California sunset petting every dog that crosses her path and eating obscene amounts of popcorn. Welcome to the show, Sharon.

[00:03:42] Sharon Hughes: Thank you. It's a pleasure to be. So

[00:03:45] Scott Maderer: we talked a little bit in the intro about the book that you've written the girl in the garage. And would you share with the listener a little bit about the story behind the book and why you were called to write it?[00:04:00]

[00:04:00] Sharon Hughes: Sure. So the girl in the garage is actually me as you probably suspected and it's based off of real life events, things that happened to me. It's a long story, but we'll keep it short here. So grew up with just a lot of trauma, a lot of it was like a lemony Snicket's. It was like, I just couldn't catch a break.

[00:04:29] And when I was 16, I went to a Halloween party and I was handed a drink and I'm sure you know where this is going, but I woke up in a garage at a different location, seven hours. As if that wasn't bad enough, that's not what sealed the deal for me. So to speak. It was what happened when I came home. Was it 16?

[00:04:51] Come home. Get to the house, the lights are off and the doors locked and I didn't have a house key. And I had to wake up [00:05:00] someone to get in. And when my mom opened the door, she just looked at me. She didn't ask me where I been, what had happened if I was okay. And I never told anybody what happened. As that 16 year old girl, it took several years before I started telling my story.

[00:05:18] But what happened was is the belief system and the set up from my even younger years, starting around probably four or five years old, sealed and sealed. In that moment that I was the girl in the garage, that I was a throw away. I was there for the taking and I did the best that I could of wearing the I'm fine mask.

[00:05:43] And just pushing on through that. So that's what the book is about. I tell my story very PG so that no one who has suffered trauma will be triggered. And then the rest of the book as a workbook so that others can get a really fast breakthrough.

[00:05:59] Scott Maderer: [00:06:00] Obviously with that kind of experience and what had come before that to, to bring you to the point even where that had happened and your reaction to it, it happened.

[00:06:11] I think it would be very easy to be angry with other people, to be angry with yourself, to be angry with God. How did you feel after it? And then how did you overcome those emotions as well for allowing for God, for allowing that to happen for the people around you allowing that to happen?

[00:06:31] Sharon Hughes: Yeah, that's such a good question. I actually I'm asked that quite a bit and I do address. Being angry with God in my book, just to help other people. I was never angry with God. So I really believe that when we were created, we were given the super human superhero power of choice. That is our free will.

[00:06:53] We're not robots. And I full well understand that whatever you do. [00:07:00] There's a consequence. It's if you do something bad, there's a bad consequence. You do something good. There's a good consequence. And that the responsibility for what happened to me, falls squarely on the shoulders of the people that inflicted that harm.

[00:07:15] Not on God, because when God gives you free, will you get the full gamut of frail free? Will you know what are you going to eat for lunch today? All the way to are you going to make a really seriously bad choice? Where you and or someone else's going to be a constant pay a consequence for. And so I just never was angry with him.

[00:07:38] And I'm, it's hard for a lot of people that are super, super angry to understand that hopefully they understand that ripple effect that somebody else does something that unless you want to be put in that box of being a robot. You have to accept all of what freewill gives you.

[00:07:58] I hope that helps [00:08:00] somebody.

[00:08:00] Scott Maderer: Did you, were you angry with others? Were you angry with yourself? What emotions did you feel? And how did you deal with those as you process this and gotten to the point of writing the book? There's a period between there.

[00:08:13] Sharon Hughes: Yeah, no, there, there is, I was never angry with myself because. The whole, my whole life was, it was just a setup of being around people that made really bad choices. So that was normal to me. And a lot of people don't understand that, but when everything around you is crazy. And you come into the world as a small child, and that's what you've got.

[00:08:40] You don't know any different. And there was times of course, that I was upset with my parents because my parents made some really bad choices that had some serious consequences to everyone in the family, but that wasn't, it was different. And I don't think I really carried that anger around.

[00:08:59] I think [00:09:00] really what I was carrying around was a very broken self-worth. There was some depression and there was extreme disappointment and disillusionment of come on there's gotta be more than this, like what is going on with everybody?

[00:09:18] Scott Maderer: Yeah. And how did you process through

[00:09:21] Sharon Hughes: that? Oh gosh.

[00:09:23] I was in my. Mid forties, probably in the first book that I read that was faith-based and included personal development. It's by Holly girth and it's called you're already amazing. And I got ahold of Holly and. I I've never heard anybody talk like this saying you're already amazing and God loves you the way you are.

[00:09:48] Like he meets you in that broken place. And that was very moving for me. And actually she was the one that referred me to who she went to, to become a life coach, even though she already [00:10:00] had her. Licensed as a marriage and family therapist. And she said why don't you become a therapist? And I was like, girl, do you know how old I am?

[00:10:07] I'll be like 65 by the time I'm done with clinical hours. So I went to the life coach route. And while I was getting certified, there was where I was experiencing the deeper healing, which was super interesting to me because I was learning things that even though I had been in some counseling. Nobody had ever asked me.

[00:10:32] So here's where my huge turning point was. I was laying in bed one morning and this was just probably five years ago, six years ago. And I was praying and I was saying, God, I'm not going to make. I'm not going to make it through this. This is too hard. This is too big too big of things to heal from.

[00:10:55] And I heard him say, what do you believe about yourself? And I [00:11:00] just, not really, are you kidding? The list. And he said, is it true? And that broke me wide open. I was already pretty broken wide open, but boy, nobody had ever asked me, what do you believe about yourself? And to be a person that had always been surrounded by people that had told me either who I should be or who I was and what I was not capable of.

[00:11:30] I had been so crushed. I had completely lost that ability to think of. What do I really believe about myself? And so that was the huge turning point. And then I took that question into corporate training and had a shocking response. I thought we are really onto something here, Lord how deep this question is.

[00:11:54] And that really became the foundation of my book and my coaching program [00:12:00] and how I'm living my life.

[00:12:02] Scott Maderer: And let's go into that because I know you talk a lot in the book about what people believe about themselves and that kind of, that nature, that notion of self-belief. Why do you believe that's important for us to ask that question of ourselves?

[00:12:20] Sharon Hughes: Here's probably the line that I'm famous for. Believing a lie is just as powerful as believing the truth. So it doesn't matter who you are or what you do. If you don't believe the truth about yourself. It's going to cause, cause you to stumble in areas of your life. And this doesn't just work in the way of believing I'm not worthy, I'm not good enough imposter syndrome and just things like that.

[00:12:51] It swings the other way too, which we see a lot of times for people in leadership that think I've got this all figured out, I'm writing everybody else's wrong. [00:13:00] So they're believing something about themselves. That's backwards as well. So this is a, it's an important crossroads. If you will, to get really real with yourself look yourself in the mirror and figure out where, which way are you going?

[00:13:16] Yeah. It's deep, hard work

[00:13:19] Scott Maderer: well and I think. We, the other part of that, that I think is important that people hear and realize is we all have beliefs about ourselves. Whether you believe that shift beliefs about yourself we have voices that talk to us. I was speaking to a group one time and I asked the question, how many of you have a.

[00:13:40] Inside yourself that talks to yourself and every single hand in one way, shape or form either in words or images or whatever, every single hand goes up. And I said, now keep your hand up. If the voice is nice and every hand down,

[00:13:52] because most of the time it's not we're not all that nice. We say things to ourselves that we would never say to somebody else.

[00:13:59] Sharon Hughes: That's [00:14:00] exactly true. And I've always wondered if. If one gender is harder on itself than the other, because I see how women are really pressured to be be pretty, be nice and get keep the house and the kids and everything going.

[00:14:17] So we're real hard on ourselves because look at all. The covers of the magazines were constantly in comparison of that. Every guy wants to be married to a a cover model, but. But once still look like that after she's given birth. And which is interesting was because I was a swimwear model and it wasn't that it was pretty quick into one of my marriages that I was told.

[00:14:45] You're getting fat. And I was at the same time, I think I'd gained five pounds. And I was like, I don't even weigh 120 pounds dripping wet. I was like, are you kidding me? It was just so weird. It was such a blow, but [00:15:00] I see that men live in like a similar world. It was like be the man, suck it up.

[00:15:07] Don't cry. Be the breadwinner. It just there's different types of pressure on each gender, but which one is struggling worse? I think it's women, but maybe not, maybe men just hide it better. Yeah. I,

[00:15:24] Scott Maderer: I don't know that you can compare it. I don't think it's a better or worse. I think it's a different,

[00:15:30] Sharon Hughes: yeah.

[00:15:31] Yeah. I think you're probably right about that.

[00:15:33] I guess you'd know.

[00:15:34] Scott Maderer: Men we put pressure on ourselves in a different way. But that's not granted men, don't usually a man can look in the mirror with a pot belly and go look at me. I'm so great looking we don't have that particular one we often measure ourselves by financial success by being a provider.

[00:15:54] Financial stress is the number one cause of males. And so there are definitely, I [00:16:00] think other things that men look at and believe I'm not a worthy person. I'm not a good man. I'm not a good provider. Those sorts of voices echo in our head too. So

[00:16:09] Sharon Hughes: that's really interesting.

[00:16:11] Yeah.

[00:16:12] Scott Maderer: So before I move on and ask you a few questions that I like to ask all of my guests, what else would you like to share about your book or about the coaching that you've been doing or.

[00:16:21] Sharon Hughes: There's a lot of coaches out there and you're a coach too. And I think if somebody is looking for a coach, you got to shop around like the way that you go shop around.

[00:16:32] When you're going to buy a car, you have to find somebody that's a fit. I know that can be a challenge for people, especially if they're really struggling with self-worth they, they might pick a bad coach for a while, but if you're. If you're not meshing, you're not feeling safe and feeling supported.

[00:16:48] That's just not a good coach for you. And just because a coach might have a lot of credentials doesn't necessarily mean they're good. I saw a therapist, it was credentialed and they were terrible. [00:17:00] So you gotta find somebody that you feel like they're really listening to you and. I think what's different about me is because I did it just read books and didn't just get certified as I've done the really deep, messy work.

[00:17:14] And I like to say I cracked the self-worth code at least in my arena of dealing with trauma and abuse and that type of thing. I think I've got a really good grasp on what works and what doesn't. And I'm able to tell people like, Hey, you're not getting a breakthrough. I think you're holding back and you're not telling me what's really going on.

[00:17:38] You really might need to be in therapy, not in coaching. Yeah. There's a lot of coaches that they just want to give advice and they're not coachable themselves. So that's also a red flag. You don't want to be around one of them.

[00:17:53] Scott Maderer: Yeah. Yeah. There's a difference between coaching and mentoring or advising.

[00:17:58] Just like there's a [00:18:00] difference between coaching and counseling too, and it's not that one's good. And the other's bad. They're just different. They serve different purposes.

[00:18:07] Sharon Hughes: Yeah. So even though I'm a coach and I have that credential, I don't have a state license. It's kinda funny is my book just won the sub silver metal in the Christian biblical counseling category.

[00:18:24] And I thought, huh, maybe I should be more of a counselor than a coach. Do I need more credentials? What does that mean?

[00:18:32] Scott Maderer: What are the questions that I like to ask? All of my guests is this, my brand is inspired stewardship. I talk a lot about stewardship on the show, and yet I've discovered over the years that's one of those words that different people hear different things. When you say the word, so what does the word stewardship mean to you and thinking about that definition, what impact has it had on.

[00:18:53] Sharon Hughes: Oh, gosh. Yeah. So many people would think of stewardship is just their finances. I see that. But really [00:19:00] stewardship is so many things. My natural default to that question is how are you using your gifts? Because I believe everybody is so gifted and talented and they tend to not acknowledge themselves because we grew up.

[00:19:18] Right when we're kids, we're very exploratory. We're trying the Senate it's very carefree and we're seeing, oh, we're good at this. And we enjoy this. And then all of a sudden something, something happens AKA growing up getting onto college and having a family and all this stuff.

[00:19:36] And you almost forget the joy you have. In using those gifts that came so easily to you. And I think if more people got back to stewarding their gifts, they would be so much happier. Even if it's not a career, even if it's just a glorious hobby. That's what stewarding a gift is to me. And it's funny that this [00:20:00] question comes up is because just recently I was realizing I've stewarded my gifts to a degree.

[00:20:07] But I think in the last couple years, probably with all the changes going on in the world, I wasn't playing full out and I felt I think I need to repent. I don't think I've played full out and that is not helping anybody. Yeah.

[00:20:25] Scott Maderer: So one of the questions I like to ask everybody, and everyone tells me that this is the easy question, because if I could invent a magic machine and I could pick you up from where you are today and pull you into the future a hundred to 150 years, and you're able to magically look back on your life and all of the ripples that it's had.

[00:20:46] What do you hope that the impact that you've left behind in the world?

[00:20:50] Sharon Hughes: Oh, gosh I really hope and pray that it is this work of helping people understand. Their [00:21:00] self-worth and that their self-worth comes to first, the mere fact that they are a human being, living on the planet. Secondly, being that I'm faith-based is that they were created in the image of the creator.

[00:21:13] They have tremendous value and most people don't realize it. They're trying to find their self-worth in things that we just talked about career or family or beauty or collecting things. And that is an exterior force when it stops. And I know a lot about this because it happened to me.

[00:21:36] I was living in the thick of it when it stops and I guarantee you, it will, you're going to go. Oh, what now? And that was what happened to me. When I had an international wholesale business, it came very easily to me. I worked really hard and my product was in a bunch of magazines and I had this [00:22:00] really weird.

[00:22:02] I don't even know what to call it. I started to feel like I hadn't worked hard enough for all the press I was getting. At the same time you're loving the press, you're loving the accolades, but you're feeling like you're not deserving. So for people listening that are realizing they've got all kinds of plaques on the wall, but they feel like it's never enough.

[00:22:23] You have a self-worth problem. Yeah. And I didn't realize that for many years. And boy, when I did, I was like, yeah no wonder because of everything I had come through, I had never learned to value myself. And if you don't value yourself first. Nobody else. But when you grow up in crazy where nobody values you as a small child and you're living with people, they're just trying to survive themselves.

[00:22:51] They don't know how to teach that. Yeah, they don't have it inside themselves to teach.

[00:22:56] Exactly. [00:23:00] Exactly.

[00:23:00] Scott Maderer: It's the adage of broken people have a tendency to break. People hurt people because that's all they know, of course. Now we have to also then remember that doesn't make them evil that makes them broken or hurt. Because it's easy to think that makes them bad quote.

[00:23:17] Sharon Hughes: Yeah, I think you're exactly right. I think this world tries to vilify people for living in the human condition of. Having issues and it's no, that's being human.

[00:23:34] That's actually normal to have some issues here and there. Yeah, actually, if you don't think you have any issues, that's probably the issue. Cause that's its own issue there. Most of us still have issues no matter how much self work you've been doing, there's still issues to keep unpacking.

[00:23:50] Scott Maderer: So what's going to be next for Sharon as you continue on this journey delivering after call and impacting the world.

[00:23:58] Sharon Hughes: I'm working on my second [00:24:00] book, so hopefully God willing, that's going to be out. I'm hoping February, but I've already missed a deadline, so we'll see. It might be March, but yeah that's the next big thing that I'm working on?

[00:24:14] Scott Maderer: Get what's. Can you give us a little bit of a teaser? What's the book going to be on or what's the concept

[00:24:19] Sharon Hughes: behind it? So the book is called to confidence, creating competence and self-worth in a broken world and it's going to cover mindset, faith and leadership. So yeah, there'll be something in there for everybody.

[00:24:35] Scott Maderer: Yeah. That's a pretty pretty important topic. So that's good.

[00:24:39] Sharon Hughes: Yeah. Thank you.

[00:24:42] Scott Maderer: You can find out more about Sharon over on her website@sharonhughes.net. Sharon is also on Facebook is called to confidence and on LinkedIn as Sharon Hughes speaker, of course I'll have lakes all of this over in the show notes as well.

[00:24:58] Sharon, is there anything else you'd like to share [00:25:00] with the

[00:25:00] Sharon Hughes: listener? Okay. Just keep moving forward. Don't give up on yourself. What I have found is that so many of you that are listening. You are warriors and you just haven't realized it yet. So keep showing up for yourself, keep believing that tomorrow is going to be a better day and hang in there.

[00:25:21] Viking overcome the stuff I did. I know you can too.

[00:25:24] Scott Maderer: Thanks so much for listening to the inspired stewardship podcast. As a subscriber and listener, we challenge you to not just sit back and passively listen, but act on what you've heard and find a way to live your calling. If you enjoy this episode please do us a favor. Go over to inspired stewardship.com/itunes rate.

[00:25:53] All. ITunes rate, it'll take you through how to leave a rating and [00:26:00] review and how to make sure you're subscribed to the podcast so that you can get every episode as it comes out in your feed until next time, invest your time, your talent and your treasures. Develop your influence and impact the world.