January 28

{Rebroadcast} Episode 532: Ever try to help and just end up hurting? Want to never do that again?

Impact the World, Inspired Stewardship Podcast, Spiritual Foundations


Join us today for Spiritual Foundations as we talk about how we can be sure we are really helping when we invest in others....

In this episode, we talk about how Stewardship is about more than money.  All our resources are things we are called to Stewards well.

In this episode, I focus on how our Stewardship is called to care for and help those around us.  We are called to invest in others.  But we have to be careful.  Because this investment can sometimes be done because we are selfishly trying to avoid pain for ourselves instead of doing the hard work of really helping others.  How we can enable rather than help. 

Join in on the Chat below.

00:00:00 as I'm getting a new series of podcast ready for this year, interviewing a lot of great guest. I'm doing a few rebroadcast episodes of early episodes that maybe you missed, but they had great messages that have been downloaded by a lot and commented on a lot. So this is a rebroadcast of Episode seven about trying to help an ending up, just hurting. I'm Jeff Brown from the Reed to lead podcast, challenging you to reach true success in business and in life through consistent and intentional reading. One way to be inspired to success is to listen to this the inspired stewardship podcast with my friend Scott Mater.
00:00:45 Are you developing yourself so that you could better serve God and so that you could better serve others or you're developing yourself so that others can give you are served you better. Is it selfish or self less welcome and thank you for joining us on the inspired stewardship podcast. If you truly desire to become the person who God wants you to be, you must learn to use your time, your talent and your treasures for your true calling in. The inspired Searchie podcast will learn to invest in yourself, invest in others and develop your influence so that you can impact the world.
00:01:45 In today's episode, we're going to talk about how we're called to serve each other well, how we all have different gifts and different callings, and how sometimes helping isn't always preventing someone else from hurting but allowing them to feel the hurt. We'll talk about a couple of great resource is and some questions that you can ask to make sure that you're really helping, not hurting. So one thing you're gonna hear time and time again in this podcast is the idea that stewardship is about Maur than money. Stewardship, by the way,
00:02:25 is is mentioned in the Bible roughly 25 times by name. But the concept is one that you confined all throughout the Bible. This idea of being a good steward, this idea of taking care of things, of managing things of, of treating our own things and others as something special and precious that we must take care of. And we must manage on God's behalf. That's throughout the Bible. But as well as being a steward of the resource is given to you, there's an idea about helping others or pouring in tow others or developing others.
00:03:08 That's also throughout the Bible. And last week we were focused on investigate ourselves. And this week we're in focused on investing in others. You can hear this concept in the Bible and passages like that from Matthew Chapter 25 versus 35 through 40 where it says for I was hungry and you gave me food. I was thirsty and you gave me drink. I was a stranger and you welcomed me. I was naked and you clothed me. I was sick and you visited me. I was in prison and you came to me.
00:03:44 Then the righteous will answer him saying, Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed? You are thirsty and give you drink. And when did we see you? A stranger And welcome. You are naked and clothe you. And when did we see you sick or in prison? And visit you and the king will answer them truly. I tell you, just a CZ You did it to one of the least of these who are members of my family. You did it to me even further in John 15 chapter 12.
00:04:19 It actually gives us a commandment and says, This is my commandment that you love one another as I have loved you. This idea of service and caring for each other and pouring into each other and helping others is inherent in these passages.
00:04:39 And even if you're not a Christian, even if you're not someone who believes these ideas are still vital to your life to your well being,
00:04:50 their vital also to this concept that I'm trying to teach of stewardship, this idea of developing yourself, then pouring into others than developing a positive influence and having an impact on the world,
00:05:03 this strand of investing in others is important. I mean, if you think about it, we are called to serve.
00:05:14 We're called to serve in my belief system, and in what I believe, we're called to serve God first,
00:05:20 then to serve each other, and by the way, the other there includes both Christian and non Christians and even to serve ourselves.
00:05:29 But we're actually called to do it in that order. God, others and self. Now, that doesn't mean you don't invest in yourself and develop yourself so that you can better serve others but it's about that motivation.
00:05:46 It's about the order of preference. It's about how your mindset is working. Are you developing yourself so that you can better serve God and so that you can better serve others or you're developing yourself so that others can give to you our serve?
00:06:04 You better? Is it selfish or self less? That's what Matt was talking about when he said about giving generously and not expecting anything back.
00:06:15 This this ability to give of yourself without expectation, unconditionally. And that's really, really, really hard to do.
00:06:25 I mean, that's something that I think is human beings we often struggle with. I know I do.
00:06:30 I won't speak for anyone else, but I can have a hard time with that. I mean, I feel like I've poured into someone and not gotten back from them,
00:06:39 and and you can start to get a little bit of that selfish feeling of, Well, I deserve something.
00:06:45 Let's think about how we're called to serve two, because a lot of times when I'll hear from folks when I'm talking to about investing in others is you know,
00:06:54 But I don't have any special skills. I don't know how to do something. I can't help people with this or with that.
00:07:00 And you know, I'm not as good as this person at something or I'm not as good as that person at something.
00:07:05 And I can't do this. I I I can't and you know that's true. Any one of us can make a long list of all the things that we can't do all the ways.
00:07:19 We can't help others all the ways. We can't invest in other people and develop him in First Peter,
00:07:29 Chapter four, Verse 10. We're talking to the early church. There's a message like good stewards of the manifold grace of God serve one another with whatever gift each of you has received and see,
00:07:44 I think that's really true. That's important to realize we all have gifts. We all have things that we're good at.
00:07:54 Usually we're blind to him. Often. What we're good at just comes easy to us, and we don't think of it as any big deal.
00:08:04 Ah, lot of times we're blind to it because it is so easy to us. We just kind of Oh,
00:08:11 well, everybody can do that. Well, guess what everybody can't do that my wife, Crow Shay's these beautiful blankets,
00:08:18 and they're just awesome. They're gorgeous, and people have paid are, you know, very large amounts of money for more larger mountain in my mind.
00:08:28 And yet that the reason wise because she has a gift to do this, she has a gift to be able to see the pattern,
00:08:35 create the pattern and then do the labor and the effort to make something out of nothing. And it's a gift.
00:08:46 Some people have a gift of teaching, some preaching, some kin, seeing some people have the gift of being a supporter,
00:08:55 someone who's able to help from behind the scenes and and kind of be the person that props things up but never the person out in front.
00:09:04 Some people can coach some lead, some follow, and some people have a gift of being able to speak into people and help them through a smile.
00:09:16 A kind word are just sitting with someone when they're grieving and being there with them, supportive and quiet.
00:09:29 But if we think about serving in helping others, I also want to bring about a little bit of a caution.
00:09:35 In this episode, it's possible to give so generously and just pour into others and end up hurting them.
00:09:47 I'm reminded, you know, at least, and when I read the Bible that that Jesus often challenged his disciples.
00:09:55 I mean, he definitely didn't just sit quietly by while they made mistakes and just kind of watch. If you believe,
00:10:03 then you'll believe that Jesus had the power and the ability to see not only the consequences of his disciples actions but also the consequences of his Jesus actions on their behalf.
00:10:18 And if you think about it in the actions that Jesus takes in the Bible, he's not setting these disciples up for an easy time.
00:10:26 He's not setting him up for an easy road. He never told them that following him come follow me and it's gonna be easy.
00:10:34 It's gonna be simple. He never claimed that being a Christian meant allowing people or creating a world or a time right now when people would have no pain or not ever feel righteous anger or have righteous anger directed upon them.
00:10:53 If they were doing something wrong, it's not about always having everything run perfectly. That's not the life that that he was promising.
00:11:05 People kind of tend to forget gloss over the times in the Bible were or were. Jesus shows his anger,
00:12:40 and people certainly forget the times that Jesus turned to his disciples and challenge them, or when he allowed them to feel the sting of their own bad choices and actions.
00:12:59 See, that's one of the most difficult things in the world that we conduce when we realized that investing in others and loving each other sometimes means letting others feel the consequences of their actions and yet continuing to be there and love and support them.
00:13:21 We often find instead that it's much easier to try to save others from their pain. And what I would argue is actually a selfish manner.
00:13:33 Not too long ago, I've had a couple of conversations that brought this to mind. I've been asked for some advice from folks that I know and in one of those situations,
00:13:49 well, in both of those situations, I think that there was some motivation from the individual to not really act in someone else's best interest,
00:14:01 but rather out of sort of selfishness, laziness, maybe, or not wanting to do the hard thing.
00:14:13 In one case, the person was asked by a family member to help the family member hide from a debt that they owed.
00:14:25 Thio lie on their behalf, and they felt in some sense that you know, this is a family member.
00:14:33 I should lie on their behalf. I should. I should help them and show them kindness by protecting them from this.
00:14:46 In another case, the person was asked by a co worker. Two actually lie to the boss and say,
00:14:57 That's something that the co worker had done hadn't really been done by them to protect them from possible consequences at work that could even include this friend losing their job.
00:15:15 But if you think about it in both of these cases, helping the person in that way wasn't really in that person's best interest.
00:15:24 This wasn't about investing in others. This was about rather really kind of being selfish. In a way,
00:15:32 it was about loving the person being asked for help, Maur than the person who was asking for help.
00:15:42 It was really about not feeling the pain of actually having a tough conversation. It was it was about not letting this person feel the pain of the consequences of choices that they had made so that you didn't have to deal with it.
00:15:59 So you didn't have to help pick up the pieces. And that's not easy to do. It's not easy to let people that we love hurt.
00:16:11 It's not even easy sometimes to let a stranger hurt. And yet sometimes that's what were called to do and this balancing act between investing and others and giving generously and not being selfish and being kind and loving everybody and all of that and yet at the same time,
00:16:31 sometimes saying no to a request for help, sometimes saying no to something sometimes saying, You know, I love you enough to let you hurt and I'm sorry that it hurts and I'll help you and I'll support you and I'll pick you up.
00:16:48 But there's a consequence to the choice you've made and and this is the consequence, and you you have to feel it.
00:16:54 Do you have to feel that pain? And that's a really fine balancing act. I mean, if we really,
00:17:02 really love someone, then we have to be willing to let them suffer pain and support them through that on Lian that way.
00:17:17 Are they really growing. We protect them from everything they never grow. You know, as a parent of ah,
00:17:24 young man, I never want him to hurt as the husband of a wife who I love dearly. I never want her to hurt as the God parent of two beautiful young ladies,
00:17:41 as a friend of others family who I have by blood. And there are people who have chosen as family,
00:17:52 and I never want any of these people to hurt, and sometimes they hurt. And, yeah, I still have to find ways to pour into him and support them and love them without stopping it without being able to prevent it.
00:18:20 And that's hard. So I wanted to end this with some questions, and this list is not all inclusive.
00:18:28 You could do this for a while, but some questions that I try to ask myself, and maybe they'll help you questions that you can ask so that you really know if you're helping,
00:18:41 is this generous, selfless giving that we've talked about or if it might possibly be bringing harm to the person.
00:18:52 So one question to ask, and this is one that I asked because I struggle with it is. Are you trying to take the place of God?
00:19:01 Are you trying to be a savior for this person? Are you trying to fix others out of some sort of belief that you have the power to fix them,
00:19:13 or that you're somehow superior than them or in a better position than them? And, you know, you know best.
00:19:20 If they'll just do what you said, everything will work out. This savior complex is sometimes subtle, but it's one of the ways that if we're acting out of that sense rather than a sense of selflessness,
00:19:39 we can know that we're probably bringing harm to someone. The second question is, Are you treating the symptom with your help or you dressing the longer term problem?
00:19:54 Often addressing the longer to problem is a much harder thing. It's a much tougher conversation. This is the difference between,
00:20:03 you know, handing someone 100 bucks are helping them learn behaviors to adjust their money and really, you know,
00:20:13 get in control. Or, you know, giving someone a couple of outfits is opposed to helping them find a way to provide for themselves.
00:20:26 Is it about, you know, is the help about relieving the situation, rehabilitating something that's broken, or is it actually about investing and building and developing the person?
00:20:39 And what's more, is that relief, rehabilitation or development for you or for them? That doesn't mean you don't ever hand someone a short term fix to alleviate immediate pain.
00:20:55 But it does mean that if that's all you ever do, you're probably actually bringing harm because the person begins to depend upon that situation.
00:21:07 Instead, you sometimes want to alleviate the small pain that's now but also work towards developing the person so that this never happens again.
00:21:20 Another question is, Are you just addressing the physical need the material want? Or are you also addressing the emotional and spiritual needs that come from behind that want another is Have you really gotten into the situation and asked the person what they needed,
00:21:50 observed the situation yourself and really felt and understood what was the rial need versus the surface need? The last one is Have you taken the time to pray about the situation?
00:22:10 I know for me, sometimes I act before I pray or I act before I think even and this is a step to help you slow down.
00:22:22 A couple of resource is for this. I recommend reading our win. Helping Hurts by Stephen I believe It's Corbet and Brian Ficker tw oh our Boundaries by Dr Henry Cloud.
00:22:36 The 1st 1 is really good, especially for churches and in group situations that are trying to provide for others.
00:22:43 And the 2nd 1 is really good for individuals and couples and family kinds of situations and family and friends and co workers.
00:22:52 So they each kind of have their own focus. Both of them are great, and they're both worth reading.
00:22:58 I'll also print up these questions and put them in the show notes over it inspired stewardship dot com. So I really want you to think about that question.
00:23:10 Are you investing and others? Are you doing it in a way that really helps them? Or are you perhaps accidentally bringing harm before you invest in others?
00:23:24 But once you've answered that question with, yes, this is truly helping. Then I want you to go great guns and really,
00:23:32 really find ways to take those gifts that you have and pour into others. Thank you for joining us.
00:23:42 Thanks so much for joining us and listening to the inspired stewardship podcasts. As a subscriber, we challenge you to be more than just a passive lister.
00:23:59 But act on what you've heard and find a way toe live your calling. We'd love it if you could subscribe to the podcast and get the latest episodes over in iTunes.
00:24:09 And if you really like the podcast, please feel free to live. Leave us a review and rating on iTunes.
00:24:15 You didn't enjoy it. Email me feedback a Scot and inspired stewardship dot com Join us for community and conversation there.
00:24:24 It inspired stewardship dot com and until next time, remember investor time, your talent and your treasures develop your influence and impact on the way.

In today's episode, I talk with you about:

  • How we are called to serve each other well...
  • How we all have different gifts and callings....
  • How sometimes it isn't really helping to prevent someone from hurting....
  • and more.....

When you are pouring into others it's important to be humble. Two of the greatest days…when I realized there was a God… and when I realized I wasn't God….

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About the author 


Helping people to be better Stewards of God's gifts. Because Stewardship is about more than money.

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