Episode 869 Boundaries for High S People
[00:00:00] Scott Maderer: [00:00:00] Thanks for joining me on episode 869 of the inspired stewardship podcast. I'm
[00:00:07] Mario Porreca: [00:00:07] Mario Porrecca from 10 minute mindset. The podcast I challenge you to invest in yourself, invest in others, develop your influence and impact the world by using your time, your talent and your treasures to live out your calling, having the right inspiration to set your mindset on the right path is key.
[00:00:26] And one way to be inspired to do that is to listen to this. The inspired stewardship podcast with my good friend, Scott Maderer
[00:00:35] Scott Maderer: [00:00:35] so the truth is what happens is if they do set boundaries and say no to people that automatically feels like conflict saying no to someone feels like it means that they're not getting their way, and this is bad. Supporters have a really hard time with saying no to other people, because there's so much feeling of [00:01:00] pain and conflict around it.
[00:01:02] Welcome. And thank you for joining us on the inspired stewardship podcasts. If you truly desire to become the person who God wants you to be, then you must learn to use your time, your talent and your treasures. For your true calling in the inspired stewardship podcast, we'll learn to invest in yourself, invest in others and develop your influence so that you can impact the world.
[00:01:28]In today's episode about developing your influence through stewarding your talent. I talk with you about why as a supporter in disk, you have to really guard your boundaries. I share why setting boundaries can feel like conflict. And I also talk about why boundaries are actually hoping others not coming conflict or harming to them.
[00:01:51] You've heard me talk about developing your talent and one of the best ways to do that is through books. But if you're like most people today, it's hard [00:02:00] to find the time to read. And that's why today's podcast is brought to you by audible. Go to inspired stewardship.com/audible to sign up and you can get a 30 day free trial.
[00:02:13] There's over 180,000 titles to choose from. And you can pick one and listen your way to developing your talents via audible. That's inspired stewardship.com/audible to get your free trial and listen to great books the same way you're listening to this podcast. So you've heard me talk before about the disc model of personality and communication.
[00:02:39] And you've heard me talk about how I love this model. Not because it's necessarily the best or perfect or right, or anything else, but simply because it is very practical, very easy to understand and has a lot of validity and consistency in what comes out of it and how useful it is. And one of those [00:03:00] types that the disc stands for.
[00:03:02] For different personality types, even though most people are a blend of more than one of these and they start with the D or the dominant or. Direct the I, or the inspirational or inspiring the S which is the supporter and the C, which is the cautious or very detail oriented type. And each of these types have their own strengths and weaknesses.
[00:03:27] None of them are good or bad or better or worse than any other, but they each have their own challenges. And today I've been talking a lot over the last several weeks about setting boundaries and it reminded me that. That's one of the areas that the supporter type often has a lot of trouble supporters are the kind of people that really care about others and they want to help.
[00:03:53] They want to support, they want to nurture, they want to take care of other people. They want to make sure that everyone [00:04:00] else is taken care of. And they'll often do that. At the expense of themselves and their own needs, they'll sacrifice their own time, their own energy, their own money to make sure that others are taken care of.
[00:04:15] And that's not a bad thing. But done to an extreme, it can be a bad thing because it can mean that they never are working from a full cup. They're always working from a place of tiredness and exhaustion and overwork and struggling to find enough time to get certain things done that are really important.
[00:04:35] They often can deal with struggling with what is really helping someone versus what is just. Giving in because you see, they often also want to avoid conflict. They don't like adversity. They don't like conflict. They don't like disruption. They want things to be smooth and the status quo and fair. And so the truth is what happens is if they [00:05:00] do set boundaries and say no to people.
[00:05:02] That automatically feels like conflict saying no to someone feels like it means that they're not getting their way. And this is bad supporters have a really hard time with saying no to other people, because there's so much feeling of pain and conflict around it. They have to really guard their boundaries and make sure.
[00:05:30] That they are able to say no to people in a healthy way. They need to be able to say no to people, without it feeling like conflict. Sometimes it's as simple as saying, right now is not a great time for me. Let me get back to you and deferring it. Sometimes it is however a need to set a really firm boundary and let someone know that, you know what.
[00:05:54] This is a line that I can not cross and to be able to help [00:06:00] SS do that. One thing that we need to recognize is that often what feels like conflict because they're saying no, but the reality is when you say no to something, it's because you're saying yes to something else. And in this case, Sometimes saying yes to something else.
[00:06:18] It's the thing that really helps the people. It's the thing that really makes the other people able to take care of themselves and to grow as an example, I've had clients where they need to give money, me to someone else. They feel like they have to support their adult child past a point of it being healthy and provide.
[00:06:44] Sustenance and gifts and time and energy for this adult child in a way that now the adult child is not able to grow and live and support and spread their wings and fail and succeed on their own merits. And it ends up [00:07:00] causing great harm to the child over a long period of time. But the truth is. That if they were able to gently push the person out of the nest and to gently say, no, you need to solve this problem on your own.
[00:07:14] I'll give you advice, but I'm not going to give you money. It would help the person longterm be much more successful, but that hurts. That feels like conflict. But if you can redefine that, and if you can recognize that often saying yes in the short term, feels easier, feels less painful, feels less like conflict feels like helping, but in reality, across the longterm, it's.
[00:07:40] Harming it is creating conflict. It is creating problems and it's not helping the person at all. Then you can begin to redefine it and recognize that setting the boundaries is not creating conflict. It's actually helping and caring for the other person in a much deeper [00:08:00] and more real way. It may not feel like it at the time, but it is.
[00:08:06] And this can really help people with a high S component, learn to set boundaries and to protect themselves and to take care of others and help them in a way that really lasts and doesn't create harm. Thanks for listening.
[00:08:22]Thanks so much for listening to the inspired stewardship podcast, as a subscriber and listener, we challenge you to not just sit back and passively listen, but act on what you've heard and find a way to live your calling. If you liked this episode on the stewardship of talent, you can go over to inspired stewardship.com/talent.
[00:08:47] And sign up for our five week series on the stewardship of talent, or if you're in the U S you can text four, four, two, two, two talent [00:09:00] tips. That's talent tips to four four, two, two, two, and get those tips until next time. Invest your time. Your talent and your treasures develop your influence and impact the world. .