Join us today for Part 2 of the Interview with Braden Douglas author of Becoming a Leader of Impact...
This is Part 2 of the interview I had with speaker, author, and leader Braden Douglas.
In today’s interview with Braden Douglas, Braden and I talk with you about the difference between your external and internal self and why it matters for impact. How investing in others helps you as well as others. I also as Braden to share with you how you can practically learn to really focus on others first.
Join in on the Chat below.
00:00:00 Thanks for joining us on episode 741 of the inspired stewardship podcast. I'm Braden Douglas. I challenge you to invest in yourself, invest in others, develop your influence and impact the world by using your time, your talent and your treasures to live out. Your calling. Having the ability to lead with impact is key. And one way to be inspired to do that is to listen to this,
00:00:27 the inspired stewardship podcast with my friend, Scott Mader
00:00:56 Number two, you confront and resolve conflict in relationships with diligence and care. Welcome. And thank you for joining us on the inspired stewardship podcasts. If you truly desire to become the person who God wants you to be, then you must learn to use your time, your talent and your treasures for your true calling in the inspired stewardship podcast, you will learn to invest in yourself,
00:01:21 invest in others and develop your influence so that you can impact the world
00:01:59 First one reason, I like to bring you great interviews. Like the one you're going to hear today is because of the power in learning from others. Another great way to learn from others is through reading books. But if you're like most people today, you find it hard to find the time to sit down and read. And that's why today's podcast is brought to you by audible,
00:02:22 go to inspired stewardship.com/audible to sign up and you can get a 30 day free trial. There's over 180,000 titles to choose from. And instead of reading, you can listen your way to learn from some of the greatest minds out there. That's inspired stewardship.com/audible to get your free trial and listen to great books. The same way you're listening to this podcast. Britton Douglas is the founder of crew marketing partners.
00:02:53 One of the fastest growing marketing and creative agencies in Canada founded in thousand and seven crew Has won numerous awards for their service and brand leadership. Braden started his career in brand management over at Frito lay and Procter and gamble. But throughout his life, his passion has been helping leaders make a significant impact in the world. He currently volunteers with leader impact as a member of the global advisory board,
00:03:21 where he plays a key role in mentoring leaders, speaking and developing content. Braden lives outside of Vancouver, British Columbia with his wife and two kids. Welcome to the show Brighton. Yeah, thanks Scott. It's a pleasure to be here. So Last week we talked about this idea of, you know, personal life, professional life, spiritual life, and how those interact.
00:03:45 Another frame that you use in the book is this idea of external self in internal self, and then giving of yourself this as another set of, of framing. And actually you'll have a great visual in the book that I'll put in the show notes as well. But can you unpack a little bit what you mean by the external sale self and how that actually kind of fits into this leader impact model?
00:04:08 Sure. Yeah. In, in the diagram, you know, you have these three, like a Venn diagram of these three circles coming together and that when your professional and your personal life combined, this becomes your external self, and this is the, this is your image. This is what you are trying to create for the outside world to see this is how they view you.
00:04:30 And there's probably no better example than probably social media today to really show you what you post on there. What you say it's like, it's really, it's monitored. You know, it's managing your own personal brand in a, in a sense of how you want to show up. And I think a lot of people, they spend a lot of time and even myself,
00:04:50 like if, you know, if I'm really honest, you, you do spend time thinking, well, how do I want to be perceived? How do I want others to view me as, and most of the time it really comes down to, Okay. It, you know, unfortunately it comes down to what do I think others will view me as better?
00:05:12 And, and how do I make it look like I'm more successful than, than what maybe is real or whatever it is that I have a perfect family life. And I have, you know, great career and I've got just drops of wisdom that people should really love. And I think, and it's exhausting because you start comparing yourself to others. You start to think about all men.
00:05:35 Like I remember inc magazine who would come to our house and know, I'd read all these stories of these startup businesses and they're doing so well in these, these people are making so much money. And I remember just taking the magazine and like throwing it across the room and thinking, man, like these, these guys don't seem like they're smarter than me or anything.
00:05:54 Why the heck are they being more successful than me? I'm like, gosh, like this stinks. And it was just this feeling of like, where's my identity, where's my anchor point. And, and I think we're always constantly looking at others to say, am I good enough? Am I making a difference? And, and I think that's where it gets really like your external life.
00:06:14 If it's only based on yourself and gaining more, you'll never be content. You'll never have that satisfaction that really comes with fulfilling a purpose that is greater than, than yourself. And, you know, you called out being content there. One of the things that I've seen people set up as kind of a, what I consider a false dichotomy, but I'd like to hear your opinion on it is the idea that if you're content,
00:06:41 it means you're not driven. You know, you don't want to achieve more, do more, have more impact or whatever that contentment is somehow passive where you know, driven is active. But how does, how do you see that as achieving contentment versus being driven or not driven? Yeah, that's a great question because I think a lot of times, especially I think within faith-based circles,
00:07:03 people really, they put a bad stigma on ambition and ambition is not wrong. Selfish ambition is wrong. Right. And I think there's a big difference between that. And in even the parable of the talents is that, is that some people have been given a lot, you know, a lot more talent or they've been born into the right family or the right circumstances.
00:07:24 And they have a greater responsibility and other people that, Hey, like you, you just have to be faithful with what you've been given to work diligently, try hard, like do what you absolutely can to the best of your ability and that's, and that's gonna be fantastic. That's going to be great. You know, Jesus, doesn't condemn the one that only had two talents and he's still doubled it.
00:07:44 Like, he's not like, Oh, you know what? Like you really should have tripled it. He was like, no, that's awesome. Good for you. Well done. The one that he, you know, they got mad at, it was one that just buried it. The one that was just like, ah, you know, I got other things to do.
00:07:56 I'll just kind of sit it out here. And for me that's leaders where it's like that, that was contentment. Contentment was almost this idea of I'm just going to put it to the side. But what I think what I want leaders to realize is that it's contentment. It means like, Hey, I'm really happy with whether I have a lot or a little,
00:08:17 I'm still the same person. I'm still, I have still ambition to really want to help and to really grow into and to do bigger things for the kingdom. But Hey, I'm not, I'm not gonna G I'm not gonna strive selfishly, just to gain a bigger title, more money, exhaust myself, you know, and run my kids around to every single activity that I think they need to because my gosh,
00:08:42 I hope they build a good enough resume to get into some school or to be a professional, you know, baseball player or whatever it is. It's saying, no, just content with you're going to work hard. You're going to do things, but it's about people, relationships that matter the most. So one of the other, you know, you,
00:09:00 you talk about there, how, how things, the personal and professional fits together and that's kind of our image or our external self. So let's unpack the internal self a little bit. What does, what does that look like? So the internal, your internal self is your personal life and your spiritual life when they combine. And that really is about your character.
00:09:23 And so who are you when nobody's around? What are your, what's your thought life like? And I remember I went to a conference when I was in high school and there was one person from each high school that was chosen to go to this big conference in Toronto. And I was chosen out of my school and I went, and there was a speaker there that gave everybody a little cards that said C Y T in big block letters,
00:09:47 C Y T. And at first we were looking at these cards saying, you know, what the heck is this? And it, it, any of the speakers said, it stands for check your thoughts. And he said, I keep this in my wallet all the time, because your thought life is going to rule everything. And what, what thoughts are you telling yourself?
00:10:07 What stories are you actually imprinting? How are you actually making decisions? What's your motivation behind those decisions? You know? And so sometimes it's saying, you know, even like, you know, for people going to church, it's like, well, why are you really going to church? Is it because that's what you normally do? And you feel like you have to,
00:10:27 because if you don't, people are going to ask you and maybe you're not a good Christian, or do you go because man, I love God. I want to hear, I want to learn more about them and I want to be with others and encourage them. Like, there's a big difference between motivations. We can have the same external actions, but it's the character and our motivations behind those that really actually underpin,
00:10:48 you know, what we do and how we do it. And I think that's kind of where this is where this, you know, your worldview, how you do it is that key thing. Well, and I think one of the things to call out, especially for leaders is for ourselves a lot of times, because we know our own internal motivation,
00:11:06 we tend to give ourselves grace, but then we see the external actions of others and ascribe to that, a negative internal motivation when truth is, you don't know, you know, I mean, you can't observe the motivation. You can only observe the action. And so it, it is, it can be challenging in leadership at times because, you know,
00:11:27 it's, it's really easy to look at external action and assume the worst. That's right. And you know, what politics within organizations is typically when the alignment of your internal self does not align with the external actions. And so, for example, like, I, I can't tell you how many times I've been in meetings where it's saying, okay, well,
00:11:45 we need to have a meeting before the meeting. And because I want to get this person on board with this. So I'm going to say this, and then you're going to come and do this. And it's like this strategizing to really get something approved or to move things forward. And I think that that motivation in and of itself is so cancerous and it can be so deadly where it's,
00:12:07 I think the better thing to do is say, you want to make sure that you get people's alignment to it because they have good opinions and they might be able to refine this and think through it, and they're going to help make this decision better. That's why you're doing internal alignment, not so that you can get somebody on board and kind of manipulate them like a puppet master.
00:12:24 And I think even that thinking as a leader can be really disruptive. And I still, actually, we had a guy that worked for me and I remember talking to him and saying, okay, like, you know, I want this to happen in your division. And he said, okay, well, here's what I'm going to do. I usually,
00:12:43 you know, I'm going to take him out for lunch. I'm going to get to know them and just really kind of really helped him to see, you know, how he can get better in his own life. And then, then we'll be able to then give him that, you know, you know, that, you know, we, that's why we won't give him a raise and stuff.
00:12:58 Cause he'll feel so bought into the company. I'm like, Oh dude, this is disgusting. Like, what do we like, what are you like, we're not here to manipulate people. We're not here to just try to like work ponds out here. Like these are people's lives. And if, and if they're not meeting the expectation, just be clear with that,
00:13:12 talk to them about it. And if it's an awkward question And maybe even try to explain to them how they could do it and what, how can I help you? Yeah, exactly. And sometimes I find that it's like your eternal self it's, like, whether it's just seeing, like, what is your real motivation? Do you really care about that person or your customers or your clients or consumers,
00:13:31 or are you just trying to get them to buy from you so you can make a little bit of profit and stuff. And I just find that as leaders, if you want to be a leader of impact, it's about being your internal motivations, your thought life, your character is so strong and, and other centered and morally upright, that, that,
00:13:51 yes, you're going to make hard calls. Not everybody's going to love you, but you want them to say, you know what, but I respect their decision and I, and I get it. Yeah. That's the old again, you know, kind of the, the quote of if, if even your inner enemies say, you know, I may not like you,
00:14:06 but if he says he's going to do it, he's going to do it. You know, it's the truth. Well then that's, you know, that that's, that means you've been doing something right. You know, where even the people that don't like you and don't agree with you go, but you know, I can trust what he says or she says,
00:14:26 When you think about that idea of, you know, this week, we're kind of focused on this idea of investing in others. And one of the three areas that you call out is giving of yourself. So what does that actually look like for leaders of impact? So giving of yourself is in the diagram is when your professional life and your spiritual life come together.
00:14:51 And I think there's a lot of misconception around this. And even for me, I was confused. So, you know, I'm, you know, mid twenties, you know, at Frito-Lay loving marketing, really just, you know, fairly new in the last few years, just growing and thinking to myself, man, like if I, if I really want to make a difference,
00:15:11 I need to go to a nonprofit organization to do it. And, and I, and I actually left Frito-Lay. I gave my resignation and my parents thought I was crazy and even free to lay the, the president actually called me into his office before I left. And he was like, Brayden, are you sure you want to do this? Like going to a nonprofit across the country from Toronto to Vancouver to work at a nonprofit,
00:15:32 that's a, this is a serious career limiting move. And I said, yeah, you know what? I want to do it. And I was, you know, young and full of vigor and thinking, yes, I'm going to just give of myself like crazy. And what are you realizing? I, and I got to the nonprofit. And after a while you start thinking,
00:15:50 you know what, okay, it's, it's, it's a job. And it's an, I love nonprofits and I love the people there, but it really isn't job. And this is where it's a, it's saying, and you may not be totally gifted there. And it's not like there is a, a sacred in a second, all work is good.
00:16:11 Like, you know of skills, we have talents, we have abilities. And some people it's education, it's medical, it's, you know, being home with your family. It's, you know, being a CEO, it's being a mint, a manager or an employee, whatever it is, the main job is to say, are you seeking first?
00:16:29 The kingdom of God in his righteousness, is that your primary concern? Right? Because wherever you go, there you are. And, and I think, and I, I, and I remember thinking, man, like I love business. I love marketing. And I realized that a nonprofit for me was not the answer that, and that I thought I was just saying,
00:16:49 I'm I was kind of like a, you know, a square peg in a round hole and trying to try to make it work and thinking, this is the ultimate answer. And it's like, well, no, but you know what? For some people it is, it's fantastic and be amazing at it. But don't, I think that that is like,
00:17:05 Hey, this is the only thing we're all in it together. We have different skills, different places that replaced and giving of yourself is when you can use your skills, your, your professional, you know, assets that you have, and being able to really give of yourself in that way. And so for some, some of us now, it's like,
00:17:24 yeah, we get to, you know, work with people. We get to make money, be able to give money away. But we also, for me, gets to influence suppliers and customers and consumers and employees and other business people that you know, that if a church is going to have a hard time reaching, but I can reach them. And I think even for this book,
00:17:43 that was kind of my idea to be able to come out there and say, Hey, this is a leadership book. And my hope is people who are not a faith, whatever will even pick up and be like, you know what, yeah, these are, this is a really good point. Maybe I should really consider my professional personal and spiritual life in a new way.
00:18:00 And hopefully it opens doors and, and, and it really helps to inspire some people. So one of the things that you you talk about, and this has come up throughout today's episode, this, this idea of being other focused rather than self-focused two or three times last week, you, you mentioned it too. We keep talking about relationships. We keep talking about others.
00:18:22 Let's get practical for a minute. What, in a practical way, what does that look like for leaders? How do they know if they're doing it? Well, you know what, this is a cause. Remember I said, like, it's who you are, right. It's not just about what you do. And, and so when it comes to this,
00:18:41 and so in chapter 11 and here, I'm just going to open it up to, to hear it because I get this question a lot. So like, impact is okay, great. Everybody wants to do it, but how do you really know? What does that really mean? Because I feel like anybody can say it and it's such a loose, loose term.
00:19:00 And so here, I'm just gonna, there's, there's basically seven components to it. This is where we have it. So the first one is, so if you know, you're a leader of impact when number one, you're driven by a fulfilling purpose that is focused on the betterment of others, right? So that's number one. It's, you know,
00:19:19 you're driven by fulfilling purpose for the betterment of others. Number two, you confront and resolve conflict in relationships with diligence and care. So number twos, you, you're a leader of impact. If you've confronted and resolve conflict with diligence and care, number three, you displayed gentleness and patience in the midst of stress, tension or frustration. So you displayed gentleness and patience,
00:19:44 which is really hard for a lot of leaders. I will freely admit that's one that I kept challenged with at times my hand up on that one. And number four is that if you're a leader of impact, if you're generous with your advice, time and finances to people in causes you care about, right? So you're generous with your advice, time and finances,
00:20:08 number five, you're disciplined with your personal health development goals and activities to ensure that you have the energy and capacity for the people that matter. So you're disciplined. Number six is that you're in community with other like-minded people who hold you accountable, encourage you and spur you on towards greater things. So you're in community and number seven, you're intentional about having impact and living out those,
00:20:34 you know, these kinds of features. And I think so number seven is you're intentional about having that and that those things I find are, you know, because it's, it's like the book of Proverbs, it's not a how to manual. It's a, how to be manual. And I think this is where we always want, like here are the three steps to having an impact,
00:20:53 you know, follow these, right. And because, you know, in North America, we love like instructional thinking and education, and here are the three things that it's telling you what to do. That's right. Just tell me what to do and I'll do it and I'll do it better than anybody else. But I think for me, this is it's really about saying,
00:21:10 no, I want you to become, I want it who you are so that it's sustaining, it's lasting it's becomes your part of your DNA, not just something that you have to, not another thing to strive for another goal to put down and, you know, your news, new year's resolution, but it really is that no, this is about your life and it it's going to be sustaining.
00:21:29 And yeah, you're going to have valleys and, you know, some mountains and stuff, and it's going to be a little bit of a roller coaster, but the idea behind it is saying, yeah, I want to be this type of leader. Well, and I, and thank you for calling out the Hills and valleys too, because again, getting back to the external self and the,
00:21:46 you know, social media and all of that, I think a lot of times we think the picture we have to show everybody is always the perfect journey. When in reality, I think it's really good to acknowledge the fact that it's never a perfect journey and it's got Hills and valleys. I don't care who you are. I don't care how well, you know,
00:22:03 from outside looking in, we think somebody has the perfect life, but if you could put their shoes on and walk around in them for a while, you would see that it's not perfect either. Nobody has the perfect life, you know, in, in all ways shape or forms at all times. Yeah. And I think we're, we're, I think in a society where we're seeing a bit of a,
00:22:21 you know, a pendulum swing into this other way where social media made it all, it's all perfect and amazing. And here's my filter that makes me look 20 years younger. And now it's coming back into, yeah, it's real. But you know, you don't want to be a Debbie downer. You don't want to be like a Debbie downer and be like,
00:22:35 Oh, my life stinks. And I'm just going through a tough time. But I think that as, you know, as leaders that can say, Hey, you know what, right now? And especially, you know, even with COVID, we've had a lot of clients they're, they're not doing well and their businesses are suffering and it's real. And when you're talking with,
00:22:53 you know, clients that are friends now, and they're crying in your office, because they don't know if they're going to lose their house and their wife is going to kill them. It's like, Oh my gosh, it's painful. But it's in those moments in these times of crisis or these values valleys that you're learning the most about who you are, who are you really,
00:23:14 when things are taken away, how are you working through this? Because when you get through it and you will, you'll be able to then help somebody else. Who's going to be experiencing Valley later. And you're gonna be able to actually take those experiences and be able to use them. And that's why I think, Hey, valleys happen. It's a part of life.
00:23:30 How you deal with those and who you are in those valleys is the Testament of your character. And what's people are going to remember and how you're going to actually progress. All right, you can follow Brighton Douglas on Instagram as Braden J Douglas, or find him on his firstname.lastname@example.org. Of course I'll have links to those in the show notes. He's also active on LinkedIn as Braden Douglas.
00:23:57 And you can find out more about the email@example.com forward slash book Braden. Is there anything else you'd like to share with the listener? You know, Scott, I think that, you know, even as we've been talking, you know, through these times, I'm, I really want every listener to realize that they have a purpose and a passion that can really make a difference in people's lives.
00:24:24 And if they think about people first and differently, it's not just about big data. It's not just about stats. It's about, these are all, those are real people with real lives that they can have an influence on that for me is, you know, is where it can start. And that's the movement that, you know, that I really hope really takes off as leaders becoming leaders of impact because they can really change the world.
00:24:49 And I hope that they do Awesome. Thanks so much for coming on the show. We've loved having you here and again, check out the book leader, impact, check out Brayden. Hopefully if you get a chance to hear her speak or attend one of these seminars, that would be fantastic. And thanks so much for coming on the show. That's awesome.
00:25:09 Thanks Scott, for having me
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You know you are a leader of impact when you are driven by a fulfilling purpose for the betterment of others. - Braden Douglas
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