Episode 1014: {Rebroadcast} Episode 14: Influence is not a dirty word…

[00:00:00] Scott Maderer: Thanks for joining me on episode 1014 of the inspired stewardship podcast, a special rebroadcast of episode 14.

[00:00:10] Nick Pavlidis: Hey, I'm Nick. Pavlidis from the confessions of a terrible husband podcast. I challenge you to not be a terrible husband or wife or friend like me by being intentional about stewarding your relationships.

[00:00:23] One way to be inspired to be a better husband is to listen to this. The inspired stewardship podcast with my friend, Scott May.

[00:00:33] Scott Maderer: leadership and leaders influences people to follow them and to go somewhere and do something often. Something that those people don't believe they can do. Welcome. And thank you for joining us on the inspired stewardship podcast. If you truly desire to become the person who God wants you to be, then you must learn to use your time, [00:01:00] your talent and your treasures for your true calling in the inspired stewardship podcast.

[00:01:05] We'll learn to invest in yourself, invest in others and develop your influence so that you can impact the world.

[00:01:14] Join us today, as we talk about why influence is not the same as manipulation, how influence is often telling people the hard truth and how leadership is influence, but influence is not always leadership. And how leadership is not about who sits in the corner office. And lots more today's episode is focusing on influencing others and on talent and the talent I want to focus on a little bit today is called leadership.

[00:01:55] One of the mentors I have in my life, I'm very lucky to have is John [00:02:00] Maxwell. And he's famously quoted as saying that leadership is influence nothing more, nothing less. And that's what I'm focused on this week. Influence. Now I was told by some folks when I've put that into the subtitle and description of the podcast, that one of the things I wanted to talk about was developing your influence.

[00:02:26] There were couple of people that told me, oh no, you can't use that word influences. That influence is bad. It's a negative word as a negative connotation. And I guess it can. To some people, I guess the word influence somehow implies that you're taking and making people do something against their will, but I contend that's really called something different.

[00:02:53] That's manipulation influence and manipulation are not [00:03:00] the same thing. And what makes them different is the intent behind. Influence is about trying to move people to action because that action is best for them while manipulation is trying to move people to action, because that action is best for you.

[00:03:25] You could do the exact same thing. And look at them and see them from outside. And it may be hard to tell, is this influence or is this manipulation because the actions are the same. The words are the same. Everything appears at a surface level to be the same, but behind it, the intent of the individual doing it is different.

[00:03:53] And that's what can make it. Negative or appear to be negative is because it's really not [00:04:00] influenced anymore. It's manipulation. Look at something like if you're online and you're looking around, you see these scarcity mindsets, you see the idea of buy this now because we're going to run out.

[00:04:14] There's a limited number. There's a limited number of seats. There's a limited number of whatever. And if it's, that's a real thing, if that's true, Then it's good to tell people that it's good to tell people. I've only got a hundred of these and that's it. I've made these, there's a hundred of them. And when the a hundred are sold, I'm not going to make any more if that's true, but occasionally I'll see somebody put something like an electronic book or a Kindle book out and put scarcity on it and pretend like it's limited in supply.

[00:04:49] It's not. Even a physical book is usually not completely limited in supply. You can have it reprinted if it's cost-effective. So [00:05:00] these sorts of tactics of using scarcity, there tends to be manipulative, tends to be false, and people can sense that. And that's the truth. You've had people try to influence you and you've had people try to manipulate you.

[00:05:16] And you've probably got a pretty good internal meter that begins to tell you, at least after a little bit of time, Is this manipulation or is this influence? Does this person have my best interest at heart or do they have their own best interest at heart? And they're just trying to get me to do something because it will help them having the guts to recognize that.

[00:05:45] And a walk away from manipulation is really hard to do.

[00:05:49] Look at advertising. A lot of the manip, a lot of the stuff that's in advertising is manipulation, but if you're telling the [00:06:00] truth to someone about something that's different influence is about truth. Manipulation is about lie. I'll give you an example. By now you've probably picked up on the fact that I'm a coach and I label myself a stewardship coach.

[00:06:18] I help people get unstuck so that they can live their calling and I help in three areas, time, talent, and treasure. But one of the things I tell people is if you're trying to make a change and let's just take finances as an example, if you're trying to turn your money around, if you've been living a certain way and in debt, up to your eyeballs, and now you want to make a change, that's going to be hard.

[00:06:48] Even with coaching. Coaching can help you, but it's still going to be hard. It's going to be really hard. It's not easy. But it is worth it.[00:07:00] That's the key. Are you willing to do the hard work then it's worth it. And so sometimes telling people the hard truth instead of telling them, oh yeah. If you just sign up with me, don't worry about it.

[00:07:15] We'll get you out of debt in no time flat. We'll send these letters to the creditors that are after you and they'll forgive the debt. Don't worry about it. It's okay. You can just declare bankruptcy and get rid of all of it. I'll give you a magic pill and don't get me wrong. There, there are situations where, you know, sending letters to the creditors is the right thing to do.

[00:07:36] And there are situations where bankruptcy is the right thing to do, but not always. If I'm not selling you a particular magic pill and telling you how quick and easy it's going to be to fix your situation. But instead I'm telling you, it's going to be a lot of hard work. It's going to be painful, but you can do it.

[00:07:57] That's because I'm trying to [00:08:00] influence you to positive action. Not manipulate you into just buying my byproduct, my coat. So keep in mind that leadership, which is what we started talking about today is influence. That doesn't mean that influences automatically leadership has influence, but influence is not always leadership.

[00:08:23] There are things that is influencing you, that doesn't come from leaders. A lot of times sales relationships are about influence. At least if they're done right now, I'll give you a hint. A lot of people think of sales as an oppositional pro process, where as the salesman, I want you to buy my product no matter what.

[00:08:47] And the customer on the other hand sees themselves on the other side of the fence. And my job is to see through your dirty tricks and figure out whether or not this is something I really want that [00:09:00] sales is manipulation, but sales is influence. The salesman actually wants to provide a product that is in the customer's best interest, but guess what?

[00:09:09] That sales influence process that is a good process. Is it leadership in that case? Because leadership is about influencing people to move in a direction, to go somewhere, to achieve a vision. Leadership is influence of people for their own good to go somewhere where they don't believe they can go. And the leader is the one who goes out in front and shows the.

[00:09:42] Leaders serve the people around them, leaders, clear the underbrush and make it where they, the people that are around them can do their job better. Now, a lot of times people think leaders are [00:10:00] the person in the corner office with the title and the position, but that's not always true. Yes, someone with the title and the position may be a leader, but they also may not be.

[00:10:13] And somebody who's just sitting in the line, out on the floor in a cubicle or just one of the quote workers might actually be a bigger leader than the person in the corner off. Because they're the person that influences the relationships, the attitude, the things that are going on in a positive or in a negative way.

[00:10:42] Leadership isn't management, either managers focus on maintaining systems and processes. They focus on getting the trains to run on time leadership and leader. Influences people to [00:11:00] follow them and to go somewhere and do something often, something that those people don't believe they can do. Real leaders have influence.

[00:11:14] I'll give you a hint. If you think you're a leader and you're out in front and you turn around and no one's following you, you're not.

[00:11:21] Remember servant leadership is what we're talking about. We're talking about leading from the bottom of the pyramid leading because you're serving those whom you lead, putting the best interest of the group before your own. And you can do that with, or without a title. You can do that with, or without anyone telling you that you're a leader.

[00:11:45] So here's your call to action this week? Here's your homework? Sorry. I was a school teacher for 16 years. So giving people homework is something that I'm pretty used to doing. Go back to that [00:12:00] gratitude list that you did earlier. Remember how I told you to find those people that were influencing your life and send them a thank you note.

[00:12:09] All, I want you to do something slightly different. I want you to make a list of the people in your life and the things in your life that you are allowing to influence you because you're allowing it. You have the choice. Think about those relationships. Think about, is it influence from them or is it manipulation from.

[00:12:33] Think about which of those influences are strengthening your walk towards your calling and which of them are pulling you away from it. There's always some people in a group that are what I call crabs in the bucket. You, if you throw a bunch of crabs in the bucket and one of the crabs starts to get out more often than not, the other crabs will reach up and pull the crab down into the bucket.[00:13:00]

[00:13:00] It's an expression of showing that sometimes the group acts to pull everyone down to the lowest common denominator down to the lowest level. What I'm asking for here is find those people and figure out if you still want to allow them to influence you or not. Because remember you have the power.

[00:13:20] There is a choice. And if not try to replace those relationships with ones that influence you in a positive way that speak good into your life. And just as surely examine the way that you're influencing other people, examine that and figure out are you one of those crabs in the bucket? Are you pulling others down or are you lifting others up?

[00:13:50] A few resources that can help you out in this journey. As you began to look at your mindset around leadership. One is by the [00:14:00] gentlemen. I mentioned at the beginning of this episode, John Maxwell, a of a mentor of mine, somebody who've, I've had the pleasure of having training from over the last several years.

[00:14:10] And that book is becoming a person of influence. There's a book by Robert Cialdini called influence. The subtitles, the psychology of persuasion. And he's got a couple of books on the subject. He's made a study of the ways that we influence people. And it's powerful to read, not just as somebody who may be as in marketing or sales though.

[00:14:39] It's great if you're in those fields, but also as a student, People and influence these books, give you insights into how people influence you and advertising influences you and how you influence others and allows you to begin to use those techniques more consciously [00:15:00] for good, not ill. So I encourage you to really examine your relationships, to try to strengthen those relationships that are strengthening on you on your path to your calling.

[00:15:14] To make sure that your doing the same thing for others. And thank you for listening.

[00:15:20] Thanks so much for joining us and listening to the inspired stewardship podcast. As a subscriber, we challenge you to be more than just a passive listener, but act on what you've heard and find a way to live your calling. If you've enjoyed this episode, I'd like to invite you to go over to inspired stewardship.com and sign up there for our stewardship tips.

[00:15:47] We'll focus on helping you improve the use of your time, your talent and your treasures. If you're in the U S text stewardship 2 4 4 2 2 2 2. [00:16:00] Until next time, invest your time, your talent and your treasures. Develop your influence and impact the world. .